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I was talking to my girl the other day, and I told her I came up with a poetic analogy for our relationship.

“You’re like my phone case,” I told her.

“Aww, what does that mean?”

“I paid $20 just to fuck you up.”

I always feel kind of poetic looking for my car in parking garages.

Is it 2B or... not 2B?

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Paddy and the toast of the year

A man named Paddy Murphy was in the pub when the barman announced a ‘toasting competition’. Thinking quickly, Paddy was pretty sure he had a winner.

“Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” he shouted, and sure enough, his naughty toast was judged the best of the ...

I created a Reddit competitor. It's failure was poetic, given its name:

Blue-it

The Twelve Thank You Notes Of Christmas

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,...

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Tommy was 4 when his little brother was born. Tommy was pissed.

His life was suddenly turned upside down. Everyone was too busy doting on little Timmy to notice him anymore, everyone was like "Timmy this, Timmy that, Timmy's the best kid ever". Even his parents seemed to have forgotten about him. Tommy began to go deep into depression, but nobody seemed to care,...

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My poetic look on the election

Roses are Red.
Violets are Blue.
Damn it, America!
What the fuck did you do?!

Poetic Justice

Judge:

I find you guilty.
You are sentenced to ten years,
Take him away boys.

Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"

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A woman went to a synagogue in Poland after the Holocaust to record the history that was nearly lost forever, where she found an unusual tradition she had never seen before.

At the synagogue, when they carried the Torah\*, they would bring it around to everyone who wanted to touch the Torah, which was normal. But when they brought the Torah down the center aisle, the carrier would get down on their knees and knee-walk all the way!

The woman had never heard of thi...

Who is the most poetic videogame character?

Sonnet the Hedgehog

What's a dinosaur's favourite poetic meter?

Ptero-Dactyls

I came across a poker table that had playing cards made of cast iron.

I asked the person who was handing out the cards to the players if they made the cards themselves, but they kept saying in the most poetic way that it wasn't them, because that would be illegal.

I think they're lying; whoever smelt it dealt it, whoever did the rhyme did the crime, and whoever...

Here's a pun joke

he dig

she dig

they dig

i dig

we dig

you dig

now it's not very poetic but it is quite deep

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A young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandary.

.. He felt different yet.

.. couldn't figure why.

.. he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers.

.. He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name.

..

The chief answered in his typically poetic way.

.."When Red Deer R...

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