An ode to my ex

He really was the lightning to my thunder...
He always came first

"An Ode to Reddit," a poem by me.

We’ve all seen the joke that’s been goin' 'round Reddit,

The one with lame puns about “spreddit” and “shreddit.”

People assume that we’ll somehow forgeddit,

and then they repost it and act like they seddit.

We—the people—assume that they’ll eddit it,

find the origi...

An ode to the Canadian Thanksgiving: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I will tell you tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ode To The Railroad

(NSFW)
There once was a woman from France,
Who got on a freight train by chance,
The engineer fucked her,
So did the conductor,
And the brakeman came in his pants.

Ode to Hillary

Ode to Hillary

There was a crooked woman, and she wore a crooked smile
She found a crooked dollar and she dodged a crooked trial
She bought a crooked server, and wed a crooked spouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house

I need some ode to love...

My darling, my lover, could have been wife,

Marrying you would have messed up my life.


I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.


Kind, intelligent, loving and very hot;

This describes everything you are not.


I lov...

Ode to Joy.

What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NAAAA.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'...

What would you call a poem written in the honour of a Mathematician?

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holy Shit!

The neighbors had been complaining that my dogs had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.

This evening I was getting the c...

Mozart has just died.

A woman is walking through the church courtyard a few days after the death of Mozart when she hears the Ode to Joy very faintly playing backwards. She runs into the church and finds the priest.

"Father, what is the music in the courtyard?"

"Music in the courtyard?" The priest asks. <...

I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs...

It can only be read if you scan it first.

It's a bark ode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man and An Octopus Walk Into a Bar...

A man an an Octopus walk into a bar. They sit down and the man orders a beer. A few minutes go by and the bar tender says "I gotta ask, what's the deal with the Octopus?". The man replies "Well, he plays instruments". The bar tender laughs, to which the customer replies, "I bet you a free tab that t...

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