A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pi...
The Wife caught me on the Internet last night. She said “ What are you looking for “.?… “Cheap Flights” I said….and she started jumping around all excited like…..
Which I found rather strange,, she’s never shown any interest in darts before.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
When he was a little boy, Jonny loved tractors.
His wallpapers? Tractors. His toys? Just tractors? His clothing? All tractor-themed. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him, ...
One good tern deserves another
Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights.
All flights to John Lennon Airport have been cancelled
Imagine all the people...
Major airlines are cancelling flights as staff call in sick.
If I was in charge, none of their excuses would fly.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer.
I said "looking for cheap flights."
She got very exited and said "I love you," then got on her knees and
gave me the best blow job I've ever had.
Which surprised me as she's never been interested in darts before.
Southwest had to ground so many flights because of inclement weather....
I guess you could call this weather "hurricane Brandon".
Soon commercial airlines will have pilotless flights with only 1 man and a dog on the flight deck
The man is there to feed the dog.
The dog is there to make sure the Man doesn’t touch anything.
Last night I was just browsing the web when the wife walked in and asked me what I was doing. "Oh, I'm just looking around for some cheap flights.” I replied. She got all excited, smiled widely and then came over to my desk, got on her knees, undid my fly and gave me a tremendous blowie!
Don't ask me why though. She’s never shown any interest in darts before this.
The airlines are stopping passengers from bringing most emotional support animals on flights. Today, they told me my support duck could not board the plane. I need it to help me cope with anxiety.
It's a quack down.
Why are flights with crows often delayed?
Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.
A horse had a life long dream of playing the guitar
So there was a horse, and this horse always had a dream of playing the guitar.
So the horse calls up a music shop and he says, “Hey, I want to learn how to play the guitar.”
The music shop employee goes “That’s great we’ll set you up for music lessons.”
The horse responds “We...
A blonde rings up an airline and asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.
My Irish grandfather once fell down two flights of stairs with a pint of whiskey and didn't spill a drop.
The man knew how to keep his mouth shut.
Why did the two flights flying towards each other not crash?
They were in different planes
With the high cost of gas and the airlines canceling flights right and left, I've come to the realization I won't be taking a vacation this year. I even told my luggage that as I sadly put them in storage. Now I'm dealing with a lot of emotional baggage.
Singapore Airlines are planning to start flights to nowhere
But I'm pretty sure Malaysia Airlines beat them to it
I can confidently run up 6 flights of stairs.
But 7 Flights? That's another story.