UPJOKE
aircraftairplanespacecraftairflyaviationwingflyinginsectballisticshelicopterair travelglidingtripplane

Flights Jokes

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A woman sits down on a plane for a long flight

Sitting in the window seat next to her is a middle aged man. Some time after the plane takes off the man lets out a small "Achoo!". Immediately he unzips his pants, pulls his dick out, wipes it off.

Aghast, the woman is so stunned that before she can speak he's zipped back up, staring out th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer.

I said "looking for cheap flights."

She got very exited and said "I love you," then got on her knees and

gave me the best blow job I've ever had.

Which surprised me as she's never been interested in darts before.

All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled.

Imagine all the people.

Major airlines are cancelling flights as staff call in sick.

If I was in charge, none of their excuses would fly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A workman is 5 floors up at a construction site and realizes he forgot his hammer...

He leans over the edge of the building and sees his friend on the ground floor. He shouts down to him "Hey buddy I need my hammer." His friends looks up but motions to his ears that he can't hear him.

The workman, thinking quickly, decides to sign out what he wants. He points to his eye for "...

A blonde rings up an airline and asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.

The Wife caught me on the Internet last night. She said “ What are you looking for “.?… “Cheap Flights” I said….and she started jumping around all excited like…..

Which I found rather strange,, she’s never shown any interest in darts before.

Why are flights with crows often delayed?

Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.

Southwest had to ground so many flights because of inclement weather....

I guess you could call this weather "hurricane Brandon".

Soon commercial airlines will have pilotless flights with only 1 man and a dog on the flight deck

The man is there to feed the dog.

The dog is there to make sure the Man doesn’t touch anything.

Singapore Airlines are planning to start flights to nowhere

But I'm pretty sure Malaysia Airlines beat them to it

I can confidently run up 6 flights of stairs.

But 7 Flights? That's another story.

I heard the flights to China are super cheap

They might be as low as Tencent.

Why did the two flights flying towards each other not crash?

They were in different planes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What a better way to start off a flight

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude the captain announced:
“ ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. Welcome to flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, rela...

Life vests no longer allowed on flights.

Security specialists found out that they can blow up.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.