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Vroom Jokes

What goes VROOM ERT! VROOM ERT! VROOM ERT!

A blond at a flashing red light.

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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

What does a blonde at a blinking red light sound like?

Vroom!-Screech! Vroom!-Screech! Vroom-Screech!

Why did rhe parked racecar exit the garage?

It didn't have enough vroom.

Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?"

Susan pipes up, "It's Bob's birth...

Why do Christians never redline their cars?

Because they need to leave vroom for Jesus.

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Where does the Lightning McQueen and Sally have sex?

In a bed-Vroom

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A psychologist was invited into a mental hospital to conduct tests...

... and when he arrived, he declares that the best way to assess mental health is by examining how the patients treat a defenseless living thing.

He then explains his test. He would hand out three rabbits to patients in isolation and begin observation.

He hands a rabbit to Ralph.
...

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There were two roommates in a mental asylum

One starts going VROOM VROOM. VROOM VROOM! **VROOM VROOM!!!**

The other, annoyed at his roommate, asks. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a motorcycle, vroom vrooooooooooom!!!"

"Well can you stop it? It's annoying!"

"Why? Is it the noise?"

"No, bastard, it's all this smo...

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Conversation with a mechanic

Mechanic: you used subpar fuel which corroded your intake injectors and manifold

Me: Uhh, English bro

Mechanic: low quality gas damaged your engine

Me: dumb it down for me kemosabe

Mechanic : Bad go-go juice made your vroom vroom machine all fucky

Me : oh fuck

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Business Trip [NSFW]

A nurse is making her rounds through a nursing home and pops into a room. The man is sitting in his bed animatedly acting like he's driving, "vroom vroom" sound effects and everything. The nurse says, "Ed, what are you doing?" "I'm driving to Chicago for a business trip," Ed replies.

The nu...

I want a house I can drive my car in

You could drive from vroom to vroom.

A young boy gets his first homework...

A young boy attends his first day in first grade, and is set his first piece of homework. His teacher asks him to find out the alphabet. Eager to please, he goes home that day and starts by asking his mother. He asks "mom, what's the first letter of the alphabet?". His mom is busy with housework, so...

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3 men trying to get into heaven

The first guy goes up to St Peter.
"Peter can I get into heaven?"
He replies
"Have you been faithful to your wife?"
He says "yes yes of course! Every day of my life loved her til I died never looked at another woman once!"
St Peter says "that's great just what I wanted to hear. Here...

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Roadtrip!

Nurse Betty works at an insane asylum.
She walked into johns room and saw him with his hands up like he's driving a car.
Nurse Betty: "John what are you doing?"
John:"I'm driving to Chicago. Vroom! vroom!"
"ok John. Have a nice ride"

Nurse Betty returns to johns room a few hours l...

An Irish lumberjack goes shopping

He goes up to the clerk of the lumberjack store and asks for a saw. The clerk goes to the back of the store and returns with a large chainsaw. After payment is resolved, the clerk claims that the chainsaw will cut down over 20 trees everyday. The clerk and lumberjack share a laugh, and the lumberjac...

A Family Dies in a Car Crash

The only survivor is their pet monkey. The police comes to find out what happened and as it was a dry, sunny day with no hindrances to explain the crash, they begin to interrogate the monkey.

"So, what was the boy in the back doing?" and the monkey imitates punching. "Okay, so he was hitting ...

What does a modern-day witch ride ?

A vroomstick

He’s too strong to be kept alive!

When I was a little boy, I was playing with my toys, *whistling*. Ahhh, the beauties of youth. I vroomed my toy car here and there and sang when I was interrupted with an aggresive rap on the front door. I opened the door and I saw nowone there. But as I looked down, I saw a snail. “Hey sir, what yo...

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The Ferrari and the Moped

A man saves up his entire life to buy a ferrari. He goes to the dealership and chooses a red one. As he pulls out of the parking lot he comes to a red light. As he is waiting for the light to change he sees a fat kid pull up next to him on a moped. The kid grins at him showing his puffy cheeks and s...

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A Tourist in Egypt is walking through the desert...

A Tourist in Egypt is walking through the desert on his way from one Oasis to another.

After a while, he spots a man, sitting in the middle of the desert, looking like he was holding on to an invisible steering wheel, and loudly going "Vroom! Vrooooom!!". Confused, he stepped closer. "Excuse...

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