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Titan Jokes

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

What else ...

If the Titan is used to explore the wreck of the Titanic, what explores the wreck of the Titan?

The Tit.

What does my wife and the Titan submarine have in common?

The banging stopped.

One sinking sub is called The Titan, what do you call a fleet of sinking subs?

Reddit.

I'm appalled and really can't believe all the tasteless jokes about the Titanic submarine.

Seriously, how can people sink so low?

Submarine ride to visit the wreck of the Titanic, $250,000.

Permanently join the wreck of the Titanic, priceless!

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

The movie Titanic turns 25 later this year.

In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.

At this rate, by year 2600 next to the wrecks of Titanic and Titan...

...there will be wrecks of Titanis, Titanius, Titanialis, Titanion, Titan-2, Titanik, Titanicque, and Titanium-Z!

It's been confirmed that debris is from the Titan. Just when the jokes were beginning to subside

looks like they'll be resurfacing.

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic...

He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater...

What's the difference between my ex and the titanic?

The titanic only went down on 1,000 people

Now that the movie Titanic is 25 years old

Leo has completely lost interest in it.

What’s the difference between the Titanic and your mom?

They know how many men went down on the titanic.

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.

He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.

*Thanks for my first gold kind stranger! But please consider donating to your local food bank or another worthy cause instead of rewarding this stupid joke that was (according to sources) reposted.

Everybody needs to lay off the criticism of that Titan submarine guy and give him a break.

He’s under a lot of pressure right now.

What do you get when you cross the ocean with the Titanic?

Halfway.

Titanic Jokes.

These are always the best jokes as they go down well. A great way of breaking the ice. However, the problem is that if you relie on them too much, people will get that sinking feeling that you are going to tell one.

Why did the Titan implode?

It was a little sub-par

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

Thanos used to be an accountant back on Titan...

Because nobody cared about the balances more than he did.

Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine.

20,000 Leaks Under the Sea

The pool on the titanic is still full...

Let that sink in

Did you hear about the OceanGate company that lost the Titan sub?

Apparently their business is going under.

Back when I played hockey, they used to call me "the Titanic."

I looked pretty good until I hit the ice.

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

Ignore the bad Titanic Submarine jokes...

They are just trawling us...

I actually thought the Titan sub implosion was uplifting news [NSFW]

It was the first time in human history a billionaire had killed a teenager in international waters and the only reason they shared DNA was due to being related.

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

The crew of the Titan sub didn't really like each other.

Since the accident they are all chummy now.

Why did they pick that specific joystick for Titan?

Because it's sub standard.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic have in common?

The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

Titanic jokes aren't funny anymore. They're so old and outdated.

That ship has sailed a long time ago.

Leonardo DiCaprio has pledged to never watch the Titanic movie again ever..

Why you ask? Beacause it's turning 25 this year..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'

'N...

How did the Titan CEO and his wife divide up their house chores? She walked the dog...

He fed the fish

Why was there money left behind on the deck of Titanic after its fateful collision?

It was the tip of the iceberg.

Titanic sank 103 years ago...

...making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on! Hi-YO!

The titanic went down in 60 seconds

Let that sink in for a minute

Imagine the Titanic with a Lisp

It's unthinkable

Titanic jokes never get old.

Just like Jack.

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?

The end has no Jack.

Why did Titanic leave its date?

He couldn't brake the ice

What's the difference between Titanic and The Wolf Of Wall Street?

Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend was potty trained when The Wolf Of Wall Street came out.

In all the blackouts, those unsure of the best place on Reddit for discussion and updates about the Titan right now?

Try the subreddit

Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?

It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.

Obligatory edit: Frontpage on /r/jokes! Wohooo!

Cinco de Mayo and the Titanic

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England .

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York ..
...

After the iceberg collision, the captain of the Titanic gathers the crew and tells them "I have bad news and good news."

"The bad news is that our ship has began to sink.

The good news is that we shall win eleven Academy Awards."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar...

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, "Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!"

The Chinese guy is like, "WTF?! That wasn't us. That was the Japanese!"

The Jewish guy: "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... you're all the same."

After a few minutes and another...

Titanic.

Sorry, that was a terrible icebreaker.

What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?

Iceberg lettuce.

My Grandpa saw the Titanic

From the very beginning, he warned everyone that the ship would sink. But nobody listen to him.

He was a brave man, he never gave up. He warn them again and again on many occasions... Until they kick him out from the cinema.

I renamed my iPod The Titanic

When I plug it in, it says "The Titanic is syncing".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy or sitting in the bar when all of a sudden the Jewish guy walks over and punches the Chinese guy in the face.

"What the hell, man?"
"That was for Pearl harbor, asshole."
"That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese!"
"Japanese, Chinese, same thing."
The Jewish guy shrugged his shoulders and sat back down to his beer.

A few minutes ago by, when the Chinese guy walks over and punches the Jewish guy ...

Why will Titanic II be better than Titanic I?

Because there are no icebergs to crash into anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That'...

I'm trying to stream Titanic

But it keeps syncing

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking...

I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I sexually identify as The RMS Titanic"

"I must lay my Seamen to rest in a dark wet place."

A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs.

They were made for the sink.

Why is Texas like the Titanic

They both thought they were amazing until a tiny bit of frozen water broken them in half

What do you call a dinosaur that is large, immense, huge, collosal, gigantic, vast, enormous, titanic, massive and big?

A thesaurus.

Did you hear about Haley Joel Osment being cast in the Titanic remake?

The most iconic line will be Icy Dead People.

The Titanic

The Titanic was God's way of talking to us.

Pity, it was such a bad ice-breaker.

The Cart Titan walks into a bar

The bartender asks “Why the long face?”

I'm new here and I just have to tell you all: "Titanic!"

--oh, wait that's not a good ice breaker

Onboard the Titanic...

While cruising aboard the Titanic, an engineer boasts to his dinner companions, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God can't sink her!"

Overhearing what the engineer said, God started laughing so hard that he spilled his glass of water and ice cubes went flying everywhere.

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the ci...

The true reason that the Titanic sank...

The combined weight of all the time travelers that suddenly appeared onboard.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.

It's syncing now.

I'm getting revenge for the Titanic

One ice-cube in my drink at a time.

A magician performs magic tricks on the Titanic before it sinks.

In the crowd there is a parrot that somehow always knows whats going on.
He pulls a string of hankerchiefs out of his sleeve: "AWCK, he pulls it from his inner pocket!"
He pulls a rabbit out of a hat: "AWCK, A false bottom!"
He saws a girl in half: "AWCK, there are two girls!"
<...

I once read a book on how the Titanic was built

It was riveting

Even though the Titanic was not a marvel of engineering

the pools are. Been up and running without maintenance since the day they were opened.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like the Titanic.

Not because it's big or hard, but because it's a bit sad at the end.

What type of burger isn't allowed on the titanic?

An iceburger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Korean man and a Jewish man are in a bar, total strangers to one another.

The Jewish man walks up to the Korean man and, totally unprompted, punches him in the face.

Naturally, the Korean man goes "What was that for?"

The Jewish man responds, "That was for Pearl Harbor."

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese," says the Korean man.

"Ah, Korean,...

The Titanic Be Like:

I call everyone on this ship to take part in the ice bucket challenge.

Why is it that there are no subtitles for the last 15 minutes of "Titanic"?

A good caption always goes down with the ship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A+ Book Reports on Titanic and Bill Clinton

The students at a local college were assigned to read two books, “Titanic” and “My Life” by Bill Clinton, and to write book reports. One student turned in the following book report with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
...

How many people died on the Titanic?

A boatload.

I just found out that my great grandfather was on the Titanic.

And as far as I know, he still is !!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my iPhone “Titanic”

Going to wait till it syncs, then Jack off.

My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times...

Then he got kicked out of the theater.

The Titanic disaster happened 106 years ago today...

Just let that sink in

I remembered watching Titanic and bawled my eyes out.

It's because the painting scene with Rose was too short.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese Drunk and a Jewish Drunk are sitting together on a park bench...

After finishing his drink the Jew takes his bottle and *smashes* it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" ask the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!...

Clinton on the Titanic

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.

Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."

Nixon goes: "Screw the women!"

Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time!?"

I watched a documentary on how they built the hull of the Titanic last night....

It was riveting.

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