The 20+ Best Civilization Jokes

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What was the first human civilization to invent the bidet?

The ass tech people.

A conquistador was talking to a native about the superiority of his civilization.

"Unlike you savages we do not partake in cannibalism or human sacrifice. Now eat your body and blood of Christ or we'll burn you at the stake!"

You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?

You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.

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Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little g...

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

If we had a civilization on the moon and someone committed murder, would the punishment still be the same?

I mean, I would think the gravity of the situation would be way less, ya know?

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A friend of mine is cheating on his wife with an alien from an advanced civilization

That’s fucking intelligent.

What ancient civilization wasn’t wiped out by a mass plague?

The Maskedonians

It’s almost midnight. I’ll leave.

I've heard a lot about how important 'the wheel' was for civilization

But I think it's time to recognize 'the shovel' for being the ground-breaking invention that it is.

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If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

Someone asked Ghandi what he thought about Western Civilization

He thought it could be a really good idea

Three women are trapped on a deserted island

Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a red head are trapped on a deserted island, but can see in the distance land with obvious signs of civilization.

On the first day the brunette decides to swim to the next shore, she makes it about 1/4 of the way before she realizes she can't make it and...

I’ve heard that civilization first started in the Middle East

I guess easy come easy go

Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI

So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or ...?

What ancient civilization had the best tattoos?

The Ink-ans

Stephen Hawking says we only have 1000 more years left as a civilization

He's just mad that we haven't figured out how to get him out of that wheelchair by now

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A group of scientists are performing research on building civilizations...

they decide to put three people on an island. Not wanting to ignore cultures, they choose an American, a European, and a Japanese man. The three men are told they will be left on the island for three months and after which their survival and civilization building skills will be evaluated.
The Am...

What do ancient civilizations and lettuce recalls have in common?

The fall of the Romaine empire.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

If there are 502 bricks in a plane and 1 falls off, how many are left?

>!501.!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.!<

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

>!You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.!<

So, the ...

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