This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I charge my phone to 98% ang unplug it

Because why should I be the only one who didn't have an orgasm?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timothy was visiting his grandparents

for the weekend. He had just turned 3 years old, and his parents was happy to get a weekend off. His grandparents was very religious people, and did not take care for foul language. Grandma Betty Lou and her friends, Gabby, Millie and Martha had taken Timothy to the playground. Timothy was sliding, ...

What do you call Australian senior citizens?


What do you call a rude old person who won't leave you alone?

A boomer-ang.

If you're afraid of new years parties, it's just some auld lang syne ity

Auld lang syne is old English pronounced "old ang sy" commonly.

What do you call an old man who always comes back to you?


A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom

First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortu...

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A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

A boy and his mother are watching TV

There are a lot of guns being fired in the show. So after the show is over the kid has the gun shots in his mind, and keeps repeating "BANG BANG BANG", "BANG BANG BANG"... This continues throughout the day. By the evening the mother is really tired and out of anger tells the boy "Be Silent".


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3 guys on a cliff

Three guys go to a cliff to see the view. When they get there a wise old magician sitting there. He then says "since you are the first people theat have found me in 20 years I will let you turn into something of your choice. But first you have to run ang jump off the cliff.
The first guy goes and...

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