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Koala Jokes

Why did the girl Koala want to break up with the boy Koala?

Not enough koala tea time.

A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"

The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink. The lizard, so stoned, leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to ...

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A koala bear is smoking a blunt in a tree

A lizard comes along and says “what are you doing?”. The koala bear says “I’m getting high man”. The lizard responds “what do you mean?”…. Rather than explain it to the lizard the koala bear convinces him to partake of the blunt.

Shortly after partaking, the lizard says to the koala “dude my ...

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A koala is sitting in a tree.

A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a blunt. A lizard comes walking by, smells the weed, looks up and says "hey man, can I hit that?"

Koala says "hell yeah man come on up and get you some"

Lizard runs up the tree and they start smoking together. The weed is incredible and before long ...

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute....

The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitut...

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?

Because it got hit by the first koala.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?

Because he thought it was a game and joined in!

What do koalas eat after a nuclear winter?

Apocalyptus

Why aren't Koalas actual bears?

They DO NOT meet Koalafications

Koalas aren’t bears.

Even though they’re koalafied, they failed bearification.

Deep in the Australian bush…

A lizard and a koala are sitting in a large gum smoking a joint. They’re having a blast.
Eventually the lizard says, “Dude, my mouth is so dry. I’m going to get a drink at the river.” So he climbs down the tree, makes his way through the bush and when he arrives at the river he leans in to drin...

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A Koala walks into a bar...

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich. The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar. The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you...

A koala is in a job interview

The interviewer asks the koala "what makes you think you are suitable for this job role?".

"I have all of the necessary koalifications".

I passed my genetic engineering exam, with flying koalas

Am I over Koalafied

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The Koala and the Lizard (long)

One day, a tiny lizard was minding his own business while wandering through the forest. As he approaches the tallest tree in the forest a voice yells down, “Heyyy mannnn!!”. Confused, the lizard cranes his neck up and down, side to side until he spots a Koala sitting at the edge of a branch.

...

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Australian Koala and a British Prostitute

A koala bear from Australia took a holiday in London to experience a different culture. After arriving at Heathrow and getting settled in at his hotel, the koala bear decided to take a walk.

After touring Soho for a few hours he noticed several women on the side of the street strutting...

Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

They don’t have the right koala-fications

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute...

Without a sound he gets up, makes his way to the door and begins to open it when the prostitute wakes up and sees him.

"Hey, where do you think youre going?" the prostitute asks? She pulls out a dictionary and shows him the definition of prostitute. It says, "a person, in particular a woman,...

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A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala go...

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The lizard and the koala.

A lizard is wandering through the Australian outback one afternoon when he spots a Koala sitting in a tree.

"OI!" he calls out to the Koala, "What are you doin' up there?"

The koala looks down at the lizard, "Oh hey bro, I was just about to smoke a spliff. You can join me if you want."...

What do you say to a koala to encourage him to beat his personal best in bench pressing?

Bro Eucalyptus!

I was on an Australian tour, and handled a koala bear. The trainer told me to wash my hands, as koala bears are known to have chlamydia.

In all honesty, the koala should probably wash *his* hands.

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An Aussie favourite.

So there was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a few joints. So the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few more joints with the koala. After a little while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, s...

Why couldn't the koala bear get the job at the bank?

Because he didn't have the koala-fications.

What do Cuban Koala bears eat?

Yucalyptus

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I just heard they voted sexiest koala

I hope the votes are coming from other koalas.

I feel they're the only ones that are Koala-fied

(but seriously sexiest koala is a thing)

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Mr. Koala is smoking a blunt

Mr. Lizard wanders up to his tree and shouts "Hey, Mr. Koala! What are you up to?" He replies "smoking a blunt, want to hit it?"
Mr. lizard climbs the tree and he and Mr. Koala smoke and for a while. Eventually Mr. Lizard says "I've got a real bad case of cottonmouth. I'm gonna go to ...

A koala walks into a restaurant.

He says, "I'll have the minestrone."

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of lobster bisque.

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of ...

How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Technically just one, as long as he's koalafied.

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What do you call a koala without chlamydia?

A virgin.

A koala walks into a barber shop

A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"

Did you hear about the Koala bear who was thrown out of the Koala bear contest?

He was dis-koala-fied

Why did the male koala invite the female koala over to his bamboo.

He wanted to have a treesome.

So Koala was smoking in a tree...

... And he was getting really high. He'd been up there for a pretty long time, and lizard walked by. Lizard sees Koala and says "hey koala! You got enough to share? I haven't smoked in forever!"
Koala, being a pretty chill dude, says "sure man!" And lizard climbed the tree and joined him.
They...

Who do you call when a hungry koala attacks?

Yptus. You call Yptus.

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The lizard and the koala

The koala was on his tree, smoking a joint when the lizard sees him.

L: Yo, Koala. Whatchu doin'?


K: Smoking. Let's blaze one out, Lizard

After smoking for some time, the lizard felt his mouth dry and told the koala he would go drink some water. While stumbling around pretty...

What kind of tea do koalas drink?

Euca-lipton

What do you call Tea made with weed and koala bears?

A High Koala Tea Beverage.

What did the koalas say to the zookeeper after he cut their claws?

"Eucalyptus!"

We were driving down the road when a koala cut ahead of us and knocked into the car.

We sped up alongside of him and yelled out "Hey, you clipped us."

A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops...

But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea.

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Lizard is walking through the forest...

and he comes up to a large tree along the path. He looks up in the tree and sees Koala sitting on a branch smoking a joint.

"Heyoo Koala, do you mind if I climb up and try some?" Lizard asks.

"Not at all Lizard, my dude, come on up!" Koala wheezed while exhaling a ripe puff.

Liz...

I can’t stand Honors college kids. I asked this girl “hey, why aren’t koalas considered to be bears?”

And she said, “they’re marsupials.”

Shut up, nerd. The answer to the joke is they don’t have the koalafications.

So a Lizard and a Koala sit in a tree an smoke a joint...

They are smoking, talking, simply having a good time. After about an hour, the lizard says: "Man, I'm so thirsty... I gotta go down to the river and drink some water." So he climbs down the tree and goes to the river. There an aligator is chilling in the water and shouts: "Hey Lizard, whats going on...

Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What do you call a Koala who doesn't meet the requirements?

Un-Koalified

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A koala and a lizard smoke a joint in a tree

After they finish the joint, they both are feeling pretty lit. The lizard says "man, my cottonmouth is out of control, I need to go get a drink". He leaves to go get a drink. An alligator walks by smells the sweet scent of cannabis still lingering in the air. He sees koala up in a tree, but before h...

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A tea aficionado named “Patrick”…

A tea aficionado named Patrick moved to London to have a wide variety of teas available at his corner store. But that wasn’t enough. He soon began to use all the money he earned to travel the world to taste different styles of tea.

Obviously, he first went China many times, and backpacked to...

The new Australian short-sleeved, marsupial shirts are REALLY good! In fact, you could say they have a high level of…..

Koala-t

Girls say I'm an animal in bed.

More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.

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Life Lessons in the Outback

Bruce has been lost in the Australian Outback for three days and the combination of heat, exhaustion and thirst is close to killing him.

Unable to take another step, he collapses face first in the dirt, ready to meet his maker.

Unexpectedly he wakes to find himself staring into the fac...

dad joke?

Koalas are horrible when they wallaby

My girlfriend said we need to spend more quality time together.

So I bought her a tea set and a koala and said wtf are we supposed to do now?

What's invisible and smells like Eucalyptus?

Koala farts!

Marsupials in Australia have been found drinking puddles of water with premium leaves from eucalyptus trees that have falling into them and enjoying it.

They believe it's some koala tea

I took my family to a fancy dress party, I asked my wife to be a panda, my kid to be a koala and I went as a grizzly. My wife didn't get the joke, so I said I will tell you when we get to the party... At the party I still refused to tell her and told her to be patient, so when we left...

...I simply turned to her and said, thanks for bearing with me!

Why did the marsupials insist on family game night?

They wanted to spend koala-ty time together.

Koale who smokes weed

Long time ago there was a Koala. Sitting on top of his tree where he's always chilling. But today it's different. He is bored as f*ck. So out of boredom he rolled a blunt,

After smoking for like 5 minutes, a lizzard shows up passing by the tree. "Wait, I know that smell. Hey! Watcha doing?" h...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...
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