UPJOKE
wombateucalyptusherbivoremarsupialaustraliakoala bearpossumbearrainforestsquirrelwallabyforestqueenslandvictoriapouch

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A koala is sitting in a tree.

A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a blunt. A lizard comes walking by, smells the weed, looks up and says "hey man, can I hit that?"

Koala says "hell yeah man come on up and get you some"

Lizard runs up the tree and they start smoking together. The weed is incredible and before long ...

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

They don’t meet the koalafications.

A koala bear breaks free from the Central Park Zoo…

He’s walking down the street when he encounters a hooker. The hooker asks, “Hey, looking for a good time?”. The koala nods in agreement and off they go to a hotel.

The two have an intimate time, and when the koala bear is done he starts to head to the door. As he reaches for the door handle...

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?

Because it got hit by the first koala.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?

Because he thought it was a game and joined in!

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So a koala bear walks into a brothel.

He picks out the best looking girl, and heads upstairs with her. While up there, he eats her out like a madman, doing things she's never even heard of. After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.

The girl stops him and demands payment.

The koala doesn't understand. She has him l...

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...

I passed my genetic engineering exam, with flying koalas

Am I over Koalafied

Brand new kid-approved koala joke

My kids think this dad joke is genius and so do I.

Q. What do you call a koala that really loves Chicken & Stars?

>!A. A MORE-SOUP-ial. !<

What do you say to a koala to encourage him to beat his personal best in bench pressing?

Bro Eucalyptus!

I took my family to a fancy dress party, I asked my wife to be a panda, my kid to be a koala and I went as a grizzly. My wife didn't get the joke, so I said I will tell you when we get to the party... At the party I still refused to tell her and told her to be patient, so when we left...

...I simply turned to her and said, thanks for bearing with me!

A koala is in a job interview

The interviewer asks the koala "what makes you think you are suitable for this job role?".

"I have all of the necessary koalifications".

What do koalas eat after a nuclear winter?

Apocalyptus

dad joke?

Koalas are horrible when they wallaby

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A Koala walks into a bar...

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich. The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar. The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you...

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A special talking koala was making his way from Australia to New York.

He wandered down a back alley one day and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was up her skirt and performed cunni...

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The Koala and the Lizard (long)

One day, a tiny lizard was minding his own business while wandering through the forest. As he approaches the tallest tree in the forest a voice yells down, “Heyyy mannnn!!”. Confused, the lizard cranes his neck up and down, side to side until he spots a Koala sitting at the edge of a branch.

...

I was on an Australian tour, and handled a koala bear. The trainer told me to wash my hands, as koala bears are known to have chlamydia.

In all honesty, the koala should probably wash *his* hands.

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A Koala is sitting in a bar...

A Koala is sitting in a bar enjoying his drink when a beautiful woman approaches him. She starts flirting and they chat for a few minutes before the woman looks at the Koala and says

"hey, you wanna get outta here?"

"Sure!" the Koala replied as he jumped off the stool and took her ha...

Why couldn't the koala bear get the job at the bank?

Because he didn't have the koala-fications.

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute....

The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitut...

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute...

Without a sound he gets up, makes his way to the door and begins to open it when the prostitute wakes up and sees him.

"Hey, where do you think youre going?" the prostitute asks? She pulls out a dictionary and shows him the definition of prostitute. It says, "a person, in particular a woman,...

I can’t stand Honors college kids. I asked this girl “hey, why aren’t koalas considered to be bears?”

And she said, “they’re marsupials.”

Shut up, nerd. The answer to the joke is they don’t have the koalafications.

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Australian Koala and a British Prostitute

A koala bear from Australia took a holiday in London to experience a different culture. After arriving at Heathrow and getting settled in at his hotel, the koala bear decided to take a walk.

After touring Soho for a few hours he noticed several women on the side of the street strutting...

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What do you call a koala without chlamydia?

A virgin.

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A koala bear breaks in to a prostitutes home,

And starts to perform oral sex on her. He does his thing and when he is done he jumps up and heads for the door. The prostitute stops him and demands pay. The koala bear is bewildered. So she grabs a dictionary and opens it up to prostitute. Under the heading the find "a woman or man who sells sex f...

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A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala go...

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Koala bear and a prostitute

A Koala bear decided to visit a prostitute.
They got a hotel room and got undressed.
The Koala bear went down on the prostitute for about 30 minutes and then got up and got up and headed towards the door.
The prostitute said, "Hey, what about my money!" The koala bear was confused and sai...

Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What do Cuban Koala bears eat?

Yucalyptus

Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?

It’s super high Koala-tea

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A koala walks into...

a brothel, and chooses one of the ladies of the evening. They go to her room and the koala asks if he can eat her out. The prostitute says "yes", after the koala is done he gets off the bed and starts to leave. The prostitute stops him and says "where are you going, you have to pay me", the koala sa...

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I just heard they voted sexiest koala

I hope the votes are coming from other koalas.

I feel they're the only ones that are Koala-fied

(but seriously sexiest koala is a thing)

We were driving down the road when a koala cut ahead of us and knocked into the car.

We sped up alongside of him and yelled out "Hey, you clipped us."

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A koala bear and a hooker...

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion....

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The lizard and the koala.

A lizard is wandering through the Australian outback one afternoon when he spots a Koala sitting in a tree.

"OI!" he calls out to the Koala, "What are you doin' up there?"

The koala looks down at the lizard, "Oh hey bro, I was just about to smoke a spliff. You can join me if you want."...

A koala walks into a barber shop

A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"

What do you call a Koala who doesn't meet the requirements?

Un-Koalified

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Mr. Koala is smoking a blunt

Mr. Lizard wanders up to his tree and shouts "Hey, Mr. Koala! What are you up to?" He replies "smoking a blunt, want to hit it?"
Mr. lizard climbs the tree and he and Mr. Koala smoke and bullshit for a while. Eventually Mr. Lizard says "I've got a real bad case of cottonmouth. I'm gonna go to ...

How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Technically just one, as long as he's koalafied.

A koala walks into a restaurant.

He says, "I'll have the minestrone."

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of lobster bisque.

The waitress brings it, the koala eats it quickly, then orders a bowl of ...

Who do you call when a hungry koala attacks?

Yptus. You call Yptus.

What did the koalas say to the zookeeper after he cut their claws?

"Eucalyptus!"

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A koala bear was in the mood for some oral sex...

so he hired a prostitute. She took him to her room, and opened her legs, and let him go to town.

After a while, the koala bear jumped up, and started to waddle out the room.

"Honey, aren't you forgetting something?" the girl asks him.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, honey, I'...

So Koala was smoking in a tree...

... And he was getting really high. He'd been up there for a pretty long time, and lizard walked by. Lizard sees Koala and says "hey koala! You got enough to share? I haven't smoked in forever!"
Koala, being a pretty chill dude, says "sure man!" And lizard climbed the tree and joined him.
They...

What do you call Tea made with weed and koala bears?

A High Koala Tea Beverage.

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A koala walks into a bar

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the...

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A koala and a lizard smoke a joint in a tree

After they finish the joint, they both are feeling pretty lit. The lizard says "man, my cottonmouth is out of control, I need to go get a drink". He leaves to go get a drink. An alligator walks by smells the sweet scent of cannabis still lingering in the air. He sees koala up in a tree, but before h...

What do you call a koala that drives?

A koalafied driver! *badum-tis*

Did you hear about the Koala bear who was thrown out of the Koala bear contest?

He was dis-koala-fied

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The lizard and the koala

The koala was on his tree, smoking a joint when the lizard sees him.

L: Yo, Koala. Whatchu doin'?


K: Smoking. Let's blaze one out, Lizard

After smoking for some time, the lizard felt his mouth dry and told the koala he would go drink some water. While stumbling around pretty...

So a Lizard and a Koala sit in a tree an smoke a joint...

They are smoking, talking, simply having a good time. After about an hour, the lizard says: "Man, I'm so thirsty... I gotta go down to the river and drink some water." So he climbs down the tree and goes to the river. There an aligator is chilling in the water and shouts: "Hey Lizard, whats going on...

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A little lizard is walking along a tree branch...

Something wonderful hit his nostrils. It was unlike anything he had ever smelled before. He followed the scent to another branch where he saw his friend, the Koala Bear, smoking the fattest joint he had ever seen.

"Damn, K-Bear, that's the dankest weed I've ever smelled!" said the lizard....

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A depressed koala walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a drink, and the bartender says "You look a little down. Why don't you go down the block and meet up with a friend of mine? She'll lift your spirits." The koala goes down the block and finds a prostitute, takes her to the nearest motel, and fucks her. When they're done the pr...

A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops...

But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea.

Have you guys heard the joke about the koala?

So this Koala had applied for a job at his local supermarket but was very disappointed when he found out he didn't have the correct Koalifications.

I'm so sorry.

Marsupials in Australia have been found drinking puddles of water with premium leaves from eucalyptus trees that have falling into them and enjoying it.

They believe it's some koala tea

Permits required A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big gum.

As she neared the top, she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the t...

Why did the male koala invite the female koala over to his bamboo.

He wanted to have a treesome.

My girlfriend said we need to spend more quality time together.

So I bought her a tea set and a koala and said wtf are we supposed to do now?

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This one is a long one I'm warning you,

I made this one myself

You have 500 bricks. If the co pilot throws one off a plane, how many will you have left? 499

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? you open the refrigerator door, put the elephant inside, and close the door!

How do you put a giraffe into a re...

I’m tired of people saying bears are like humans and that’s why you should care about the polar icecaps melting.

If bears were like humans they would be fine. The polar bears would steal land from the grizzly bears, have all the panda bears build them railroads. Send all the koala bears to Australia, all the gummy bears to San Francisco they’ll be fine. They’re start a country called Bearica and have a half bl...

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