UPJOKE
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I, for one, fully condone injecting yourself with a generous amount of disinfectant.

It will definitely make COVID-19 the least of your worries.

Why did the Chinese couple take their newborn back to the hospital?

He was Caucasian, and they knew two Wongs don't make a white.



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DISCLAIMER: I do NOT condone racism in any way, form or fashion. It's just wordplay, folks. Apologies to anyone too sensitive for my humor.

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A Welshman is visiting New Zealand and finds a sheep farm

He sees some sheep in the field and hops the fence. As he walks up to one of the sheep, he sees the farmer walking up.

While slapping the butt of one of the sheep, he asks the farmer what the locals think of a little romance with the animals?

The farmer looks at him disgusted and says:...

My friend asked me to help him put his fence back up after a windstorm.

I told him no, because i don't condone reposting.

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Joke I Heard From David Sedaris!

Saw him on tour last night, shamelessly repeating here:

Two Jews are walking down the street and pass a church with a sign in the window: CONVERT NOW FOR $500

"That's a lot of money," says Hershel. "For shame! My mother would kill me if I converted." Responds Eli. Hershel shrugs, ...

The teacher pulls Johnny aside after a test...

“Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests,” she says. “You know I can’t condone cheating.”

Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it.

"Well,” said the teacher. “I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', an...

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Hitler's lookinf for athletes in a camp

So, the Olympics are coming up and Germany is having a hard time finding athletes who can jump high enough.

Hitler decides to scout out the prisoners from the camps as well.

In the first camp he visits, he asks if there are people capable of this.

Three prisoners step forward an...

Why do Christians hate butchers?

They don’t condone beating meat

A greedy old miser dies alone. In his will he's divided his fortune between his pastor, his doctor, and his lawyer with one last request...

The old man's will states that he wishes to take his fortune with him. His final request is that these three, the last man on earth he feels he can trust, each bring their allotment of his fortune to his funeral, ten million each, and deposit the money in his coffin and bare witness as it's sealed a...

I don't know why the teen that cracked egg on the Aussie senator's head is hailed as a hero.

He's clearly an eggstremist and we don't condone eggstremism

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"What's a man cave?"

Mt wife saw a beer sign in a garage we passed and said it must be a man cave. 5-year-old daughter asked, "What's a man cave?" Wife explained and daughter asked, "What about a girl cave?" I immediately responded, "It's called a kitchen, dear." Wife proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit outta my arm....

How many Trumps does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, because [redacted]

EDIT: I can no longer in good conscience condone a joke that makes fun of someone based on their physical appearance. I will be deleting the punchline shortly.

EDIT 2: OK its redacted.

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Afghan Lament

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit at a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there and the nervous Sergeant replied, "Sir, as you know, there a...

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An old woman goes to the grocery store...

And is standing in line to buy dog food. When the cashier finally tends to her, he looks up and asks, "Ma'am, do you attest that this dog food is for an animal?"

The woman was taken aback having never been asked this before, "What?", she asks for clarification.

The cashier continued, "...

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Yasser Arafat calls George Bush the morning of 9/11.

"Speaking in behalf of all my population, I am truly sickened by the tragedy that happened and I wanted to assure you that we do not condone terrorist acts in any form or way."

"Sorry Yasser, but what are you talking about?"

"Oh shit guys why didn't you remind me of the different timez...

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So a city boy moves to the country.

Bob always hated his big city life, so one day he sold all his possessions and moved to the countryside.

Proud of the new land he purchased he felt like exploring one day, so he got on his horse and follow the old barbed wire fence til he spotted a man

"Hey there! how's it going? I'm B...

I was at a nightclub with a popular friend.

He said, "Would you like to see the DJ's box?"

I said, "No, thanks. I don't condone violence."

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