The 17+ Best Approved Jokes

Putin's War has resulted in waiting lists in Russia again, just like the old USSR. A couple finally got approved to get a new car. "Your car will be ready in one year, five months and 23 days." "Morning or afternoon?" "What difference does that make?"

"The plumber is coming in the morning."

What's the only Papally-approved fast food chain in the US?

Popeyes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FDA finally approved the official Anal Condom...

The reason it took this long is because their wives only allowed them to test it on their birthdays and the tests were always abruptly cancelled.

My friend from Prague finally got his US citizenship approved

That makes him a cancelled Czech

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intestinal worm-- long. Very long.

Man has horrible abdominal pain and weight loss. The wife finally convinces him to see a doctor.
He's diagnosed with an intestinal worm and is given treatments but it doesn't work. He sees several more doctors who all diagnose the same thing, an intestinal worm, but none of the treatments are w...

It's official, the City Council has approved the removal of all u-turns in town.

There's no turning back now.

I'm pretty excited. My loan got approved.

I'll be closing on a full tank of gas this week.

The United States Senate approved a measure last week to make daylight saving time permanent across the country.

Alabama already did this several years ago, deciding to permanently go back to 1845.

I have a civil service joke to tell

…but before you can hear it you need to complete Form P-994731XT, in triplicate, then have it notarized, then file it with the Department of Jokes, who will review it within 120 days, and if it is approved they’ll issue you a Form 771F, which, when filed with the IRS authorizes you to receive an app...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in New York walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage.

The boy working in that department told him that they only sell whole heads of cabbage.

The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old b\*\*\*\*\* outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."...

Pilot

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.

When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it w...

My visa to visit Afraica got approved.

Now I Congo

I can't believe that my joke about The Who and The Kinks wasn't approved.

I've obviously upset the mods.

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery

We now have skeet shooting with prizes.

Brexit has been approved.

Now the EU has 1 GB more space

One day at Macy's...

The store manager was giving final instruction to the new sales clerk before sending him out onto the floor for the first time.

Said the manager to the clerk, “The most important thing to remember is that we NEVER tell a customer that we don’t have it. Times are tough, and we can’t afford to ...

A couple of hours after Trump approved "offensive" cyber strikes against Iran's missile systems, he is heard shouting at his generals

Trump : WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE NOT SENDING THE TROOPS????

General : But..But… sir, this is an attack via cyber space..

Trump : DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID?? WHAT'S THE SPACE FORCE FOR THEN???

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