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Approved Jokes

What's the only Papally-approved fast food chain in the US?

Popeyes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FDA finally approved the official Anal Condom...

The reason it took this long is because their wives only allowed them to test it on their birthdays and the tests were always abruptly cancelled.

My friend from Prague finally got his US citizenship approved

That makes him a cancelled Czech

I'm pretty excited. My loan got approved.

I'll be closing on a full tank of gas this week.

Brexit has been approved.

Now the EU has 1 GB more space

My visa to visit Afraica got approved.

Now I Congo

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery

We now have skeet shooting with prizes.

It's official, the City Council has approved the removal of all u-turns in town.

There's no turning back now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

The United States Senate approved a measure last week to make daylight saving time permanent across the country.

Alabama already did this several years ago, deciding to permanently go back to 1845.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Smallest Dick In The World

3 guys are meeting at the pub. The first one said "I have the smallest arms in the world", the second "I have the smallest head in the world" and the third "I have the smallest dick in the world". Since they want all of that approved, they thought to go to the Guinness book of records. The first one...

Elon Musk’s tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion...

Even more boring than before!

I can't believe that my joke about The Who and The Kinks wasn't approved.

I've obviously upset the mods.

The FDA just approved a new herbicide that only targets seedlings.

It's called Plant B.

His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in t...

A couple of hours after Trump approved "offensive" cyber strikes against Iran's missile systems, he is heard shouting at his generals

Trump : WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE NOT SENDING THE TROOPS????

General : But..But… sir, this is an attack via cyber space..

Trump : DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID?? WHAT'S THE SPACE FORCE FOR THEN???

If you're easily offended, the FDA just approved a new drug.

Ask your doctor if Growacet is right for you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It took a ton of work and time for my wife to be approved for disability from the SSA...

The whole process was ASS backwards.

I was approved to borrow money, but then the bank found out I want to be a rapper with face tattoos

Now they won't post m'loan.

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