What happens when Taoiseach Leo Varadkar orders a probe be sent to Mars?

They launch the Irish Rovers.

Why did Leonardo DiCaprio laugh at the Oscar joke?

Because he finally got it

A joke from my baseball coach...

Two 90-year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives. 
When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day. One day Frank said' Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heave...

What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.

My friend Oscar told a joke to Leo Di Caprio.

He didn't get it.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what...

We should probably stop all the 'Leo never won an Oscar' jokes...

...it's now irrevenant.

A man approached me on the train...

...and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Later when I was grocery shopping, the same man came over to me and said "Remember Leonardo DiCaprio," and then ran away.

Then at night, when I was at a bar, the man came, said "Remember Leonardo diCaprio," and ran away.
<...

What do you call a wheelchair bound Leo?

HanDicaprio. .

The doctors surgically removed a Cancer from my wife last week

He was supposed to be a Leo, but she went into labor early.

(This joke is literally true - our due date was July 23 but she went into labor early and we had to have an emergency C-section on July 21st.)

A Lion walks into a bar...

The bartender *obviously* seems frightened by this. The Lion walks up to the side of the bar and pulls up a seat next to a man. This man is dressed like a Lion Tamer, and seems pleased to see the Lion. The Bartender comes over and timidly asks the Lion, “Who are you?”. The man sitting beside the Lio...

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Horoscope

Sagittarius: Today you will have a quarrel with Leo.

Leo: Sagittarius is bitching about you behind your back.

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World-wide known John

One day, one big company's boss decided to visit his employees. There was one man who was greeted cheerfully by everyone. Like really everyone. His name was John. Boss stopped him for a while and asked him a question 'John, how is it possible that our accountant, manager, supplier and even our new c...

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I said to the doctor, rather embarrassingly, "I had to stop watching Titanic the other night after my butt plug got sucked up into my arse."

He said, "How far in?"

I said, "The bit where Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet get it on."

Hace you heard about the new film with George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey?

George will be the director while Leo acts as the protagonist. Matthew said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write"

Every time I over eat I send $10 to the guy from Titanic...

It's the pay-Leo diet

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

The Pope is giving a speech at Yankee Stadium...

He gets off his plane and hops immediately into the car with his driver in the front. The Pope looks at his watch and realizes how late he is.
"Hey, Mr. Driver, can you go a little faster, please?"
"I'm sorry your Holiness, I've been told to drive the limit for your safety."
"Oh for the lov...

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

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Sherlock Holmes Looks at the Night Sky

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are laying in their sleeping bags looking up at the midsummer sky. Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, "Watson, what do you see?"

"Stars and the moon, dear Holmes," he says.

"What does it mean?" Sherlock asks.

"Well," says Watson. "It quite simply means...

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The man who loved marine mammals

There was a marine biologist, named Dr. Panglos, who loved marine mammals. (When I say he loved marine mammals though, I’m not talking about having sex with dolphins; he just loved to study them). He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inv...

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