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I asked my wife "If I was an inanimate object, what would I be?"

She said "a window"

I thought about it for a minute and then said "Is that because I'm transparent, I let the sunshine into your life and shield you from the rain?"

She looked up slowly, smiled and said "No it's because you're a fucking pane"

Go touch the window and see if it hurts

Feel the pane?

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking ...

I thought breaking glass would be easy.

Turns out, it's a real pane.

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Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time

They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.

"What is it, dad?" asked the son.

"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.

They watch...

How do you get rid of a headache?

Put your head through a window and the pane will disappear.

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Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

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My donkey keeps eating the glass out of my window

It is a real pane in the ass.

A man goes to see a doctor about a gas problem he's been having for awhile.

The Doctor's office is in the old market section of town and the man is impressed with the old marble walls, bronze accents and the tall, paned windows with hinged transom windows above them.

The doctor asks, "what's the trouble"?

The man say, "Well, I have this frrrrt gas problem. I ...

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Three Chinese Tortures

One day, a man was lost walking through a dense forest. When it was getting dark he came across a secluded cabin in a clearing on top of a hill. He knocked on the door, and an ancient looking Chinese man answered the door.
“Please sir”, the man plead. “It is getting dark, and I’m lost. Could you ...

I submitted a glass pane in for a competition.

I'm hoping I can window.

Why doesn't Jesus like having the image of his crucifixion on church windows?

He's in too much *pane*.

I Have Had plenty of Experiences with Defenestration.

It's never pane-less, unfortunately.

Why are windows the saddest part of a house?

Because they are always surrounded by pane

I saw a fly fly into a window today

All it felt was pane

I hate when revolving doors move too fast

It's a pane in the ass

Some punk kids threw a baseball through the lower half of my window, and then jumped through an entire other window to get it!

Let me tell you, it was a pane and a half to replace.

I fell through a window once...

It was quite the pane-ful experience

Why is a broken window so frustrating?

Because it’s a pane to replace.

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.

It was a real pane in the asp.

No one wants to carry large windows around

It's a pane in the glass

I walked into my glass door today

Oh the pane...

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Three nuns are remodeling their church...

New window panes, interior paint, new pews, the works. When it comes time to paint, they decide they don't want to get any paint on their habits, so they take off their clothes. They're painting half-nude and suddenly they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, Sister Elizabeth asks, "Who is it?"
...

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

A Good Man

A good man spends his life doing good deeds. One day he was flying back from Africa when his pane crashes near an uncharted island. He survives but is captured by cannibals.

The cannibals are prepping to cook him when he warns them.

"If you eat me, you guys are gonna feel sick and th...

There’s nothing worse than a broken window

It’s always a pane to fix

It took over a month to install our floor-to-ceiling windows.

It was a big pane.

What happens when a glassblower touches the glass while it’s still hot?

They feel pane.

My friend got hit with a window installment falling on his lower back the other day

Said it was a huge pane in the ass

I smashed a sheet of glass on the floor and I can't find the last piece....

It's a bit of a pane.

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Why don't people put pieces of glass up their buttholes?

Because it's a pane in the ass.

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When people use the wrong homonyms it irritates me

I know the pane, I've been their before.

What kinds of windows does 2 chains own?

TWO PANES.

If a man crashes through a window and severely injures himself...

...Would you say that he's in *pane*?

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I asked my friend about their new glass dildo

Apparently it's a pane in the ass

What do windows feel when they get hurt?

Pane!

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The other day, I got thrown through a window with no glass.

It was pane-less.

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You don't want to fall ass first into a window

It would be a pane in the ass

A guy and his pet window walk into a bar

After a few drinks the two decide to leave. But before they head out the bartender reminds them that they still have to pay. So the guy stuffs 20 bucks in the window sill and the bartender scoffs and says: "What, is the window pane?"

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O'Leary the..

One day a young man is exploring the Irish country side when he comes across a small town. As it's beginning to rain he decides to go in the pub and have a pint. He walks to the bar, sits on a stool and orders his drink. While he's waiting for his drink a man walks over and sits next to him and asks...

Why did everyone hate the window?

He was a pane in the glass!

Credit: 12 year old me

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One of the jokes I remember a friend telling me when I was a kid.

So there's this guy who can never say anything right.

He goes to the pet store with the intention of buying a Cocker Spaniel, but when he walks up to the store clerk, he says "Do you have a cock for sale?"

The woman says, "I'm sure you mean a Cocker Spaniel sir." And she hands him a ...

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