UPJOKE
suffocationstrangulationoxygenchokingasphyxiaunconsciousnessdeathinhalationkillbreathinglaryngospasmautoeroticexhalationhomicidehypothermia

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

Idk if this joke works. I’m workshopping it

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

“Art of choke me”
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I found a new hobby! It's autoerotique asphyxiation.

I'm so excited, I can hardly breathe.
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My depressed roommate is into autoerotic asphyxiation

Every time I see a noose around his head, I don't know if he's coming or going
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What's the difference between my hentai-driven auto-erotic asphyxiation fetish and an artichoke?

Nothing. One's an art I choke to, and the other's an artichoke, too.
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Erotic asphyxiation is confusing

I can't tell if people are coming or going
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A Plant's Guide to Autoerotic Asphyxiation

By Artichoke
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What’d they call the movie about auto erotic asphyxiation?

Die Hard
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Some guys at my school got caught trying autoerotic asphyxiation

One got suspended, the others got off.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my girlfriend wants me to try autoerotic asphyxiation...

... every time I talk to her about sex she leaves me hanging!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seeing someone struggle with auto-eroctic asphyxiation is confusing

I can never tell If there cuming or going.

I could talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation until I'm blue in the face.

It's to die for.
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Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings?

Because they're all tied up, but coming soon.
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Why is singing like autoerotic asphyxiation?

Because sometimes you just gotta belt it out
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You know, I’m into auto erotic asphyxiation, but there is one downside.

You can never really tell if your coming or going.
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Did you hear about the man who was into asphyxiation and vegetables?

He liked being artichoked.
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A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: Do not forget to breathe.

Death by asphyxiation may cause semen discharge making it look like you died of wanking.

So A Plane Got Filled With Anti-Maskers...

The airline decided to let them all take the flight, but decided to bar all the people who wore masks. The anti-maskers all died from asphyxiation during the turbulence because they refused to wear the oxygen masks that dropped down, thinking their freedom mattered more than safety. Make sure you ad...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not all of the weird sexual stuff you hear about is as good as it's cracked up to be...

I mean you can tell me how great autoerotic asphyxiation is till you're blue in the face.

I watched Die Hard the other day...

Was disappointed. The movie had *nothing* to do with autoerotic asphyxiation.
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A man named Ralph decides that he can’t stand his wife any longer, and decides to hire a hitman.

He checks the newspaper one morning and sees an ad that says, “Get any job done for $1.” Ralph excitedly calls the number from the ad, and a man answers.

Man: “Hello, this is Artie. How can I help you?”

Ralph: “Hi there, I saw your ad in the paper and was wondering if you could help m...
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