UPJOKE
suffocationstrangulationoxygenchokingasphyxiaunconsciousnessdeathinhalationkillbreathinglaryngospasmautoeroticexhalationhomicidehypothermia

Asphyxiation Jokes

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

Idk if this joke works. I’m workshopping it

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

“Art of choke me”

I found a new hobby! It's autoerotique asphyxiation.

I'm so excited, I can hardly breathe.

My depressed roommate is into autoerotic asphyxiation

Every time I see a noose around his head, I don't know if he's coming or going

What's the difference between my hentai-driven auto-erotic asphyxiation fetish and an artichoke?

Nothing. One's an art I choke to, and the other's an artichoke, too.

Erotic asphyxiation is confusing

I can't tell if people are coming or going

A Plant's Guide to Autoerotic Asphyxiation

By Artichoke

What’d they call the movie about auto erotic asphyxiation?

Die Hard

Some guys at my school got caught trying autoerotic asphyxiation

One got suspended, the others got off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my girlfriend wants me to try autoerotic asphyxiation...

... every time I talk to her about sex she leaves me hanging!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seeing someone struggle with auto-eroctic asphyxiation is confusing

I can never tell If there cuming or going.

I could talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation until I'm blue in the face.

It's to die for.

Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings?

Because they're all tied up, but coming soon.

Why is singing like autoerotic asphyxiation?

Because sometimes you just gotta belt it out

You know, I’m into auto erotic asphyxiation, but there is one downside.

You can never really tell if your coming or going.

Did you hear about the man who was into asphyxiation and vegetables?

He liked being artichoked.

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: Do not forget to breathe.

Death by asphyxiation may cause semen discharge making it look like you died of wanking.

So A Plane Got Filled With Anti-Maskers...

The airline decided to let them all take the flight, but decided to bar all the people who wore masks. The anti-maskers all died from asphyxiation during the turbulence because they refused to wear the oxygen masks that dropped down, thinking their freedom mattered more than safety. Make sure you ad...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not all of the weird sexual stuff you hear about is as good as it's cracked up to be...

I mean you can tell me how great autoerotic asphyxiation is till you're blue in the face.

I watched Die Hard the other day...

Was disappointed. The movie had *nothing* to do with autoerotic asphyxiation.

A man named Ralph decides that he can’t stand his wife any longer, and decides to hire a hitman.

He checks the newspaper one morning and sees an ad that says, “Get any job done for $1.” Ralph excitedly calls the number from the ad, and a man answers.

Man: “Hello, this is Artie. How can I help you?”

Ralph: “Hi there, I saw your ad in the paper and was wondering if you could help m...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.