My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She’s Tolkien in her sleep.

A man is talking to his doctor about a recurring dream he keeps having.

"I keep dreaming about a soccer match between elephants and mice" the patient said

"No worries" says the doctor and gives the patient some medicine, "take this just before bed and you'll have a dreamless sleep"

"Ok, thank you doctor" responded the man "but can I start it tomorrow? Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got in trouble for something I did while my girlfriend was dreaming

Apparently it’s not ok for me to have sex with her friend , even if she’s sleeping

A man spends his days studying archeology at university, and his nights dreaming of someday finding a girlfriend.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never master the techniques of dating.

Eventually, his professors had to fail him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was dreaming about having diarrhea and then I woke up.

That's when shit got real.

I keep dreaming that I am made out of car parts.

I am always tired, and wake up exhausted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving home one night and almost falls asleep while driving...

"God dammit," he thought, "I'll never be able to stay awake on the road, and I don't have money for a motel. I'm not gonna risk it, I'll just pull over to the side of the road and take a little nap."

He parks his car just outside of a park, and kicks his seat back. "I don't need much, maybe j...

Sentient meat

2 Aliens meeting on their starship after a scan of the solar system:

Are there any lifeforms in that solar system

Well it's difficult to really explain

What do you mean

They're made out of meat.

Meat?

Meat. They're made out of meat.

Meat?

There...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

A joke I thought up while dreaming last night: Why do criminals hate coins?

Because half of them are coppers.

I've been staring at topless models all day, just dreaming

But sadly, I can't afford the diecast convertible cars at the moment

What was Stevie Wonder and Emperor Palpatine's favorite thing about dreaming.

Visions of the dark side

"Do you know my father is a doctor?"

Guy 2: Wow! My father is a doctor too!

Guy 1: Phillip is my last name.

Guy 2 [excited]: Omg! My surname is Phillip too.

Guy 1: I'm 23 years old.

Guy 2: What? Get out of here [laughing], I'm also 23 years old.

Guy 1: Don't tell me that you are born on the 14th of Au...

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...

...is one of Donald Trumps more offensive slogans.

For all you men dreaming of elaborate ways of hooking up with an Instagram model, all it took me was a good dinner date....

Just some food for thot.

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