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Dreaming Jokes

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She’s Tolkien in her sleep.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...

...is one of Donald Trumps more offensive slogans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was dreaming about having diarrhea and then I woke up.

That's when shit got real.

Wife is dreaming...

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes: “Damn, I am the husband!”

My wife was in the kitchen wearing only the t-shirt she slept in...

... preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me right now! Right here!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
...

A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...

"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."

so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“I’m always exhausted,” Joe told his shrink. “Every night I dream I’m driving a truck from Houston to Chicago, and every morning I wake up dead tired.”

The doctor said, “Beginning tonight when you’re dreaming, stop in Tulsa and I’ll drive the rest of the way to Chicago.” It worked perfectly.

A week later Joe’s friend Fred told him, “Every night I dream all night long that I’m being forced to sexually satisfy four beautiful starlets. It’s k...

dreaming

So a person goes to a psychiatrist and tells the guy this: I keep dreaming that I'm either a wigwam or a teepee and it won't stop. so the psychiatrist says that he should relax because he is two tents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman had a huge crush on Wonder Woman...

He was always to scared to tell her, fearing it would ruin their work relationship. One day, he was using his X-ray vision to watch her in her apartment. He saw her put on music and start taking her clothes off. She sat down on her bed. She was getting in the romantic mood. She was squirming around,...

I keep dreaming that I am made out of car parts.

I am always tired, and wake up exhausted.

I've been staring at topless models all day, just dreaming

But sadly, I can't afford the diecast convertible cars at the moment

A man spends his days studying archeology at university, and his nights dreaming of someday finding a girlfriend.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never master the techniques of dating.

Eventually, his professors had to fail him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a bear and a rebbit smoking a joint

A bear was smoking a joint, leaning on a tree when a rabbit came by. Bear saw the rabbit and invited him to smoke along, and rabbit joined.

After the they smoked one, the bear who was preaty high already asled the rabbit,

Bear: do you feel anything?
Rabbit: no
Bear: hmm, lets smo...

I thought I was dreaming in color last night.

But it was just a pigment of my imagination.

I got into lucid dreaming recently

its everything I imagined it to be.

A joke I thought up while dreaming last night: Why do criminals hate coins?

Because half of them are coppers.

I’m so good at lucid dreaming

I can do it in my sleep

What was Stevie Wonder and Emperor Palpatine's favorite thing about dreaming.

Visions of the dark side

Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone.

It's a pie-in-the-sky idea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be Careful what you dream of

A Couple in bed in the morning

She: i had a nice dream this night

He: really what was about?

She: i was dreaming going to Ikea and do shoppping

He: oh nice..

She: what about you, did you had any dream?

He: yes, i was dreaming doing sex with two girls simulta...

I must have been dreaming when I was making out with my girlfriend and she was telling me sweet nothings about wanting to get me off.

When i woke up she was yelling at me to get off!

Last night I couldn't stop dreaming about being a car muffler

When I woke up this morning, I was exhausted

I barely slept last night; I kept dreaming about mufflers.

I'm exhausted.

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