A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
...

Why is Kim Jong Un heartless?

Because he has no Seoul.

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

Why does Kim Jong Un have such a big library?

Because he's Supreme Reader

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single- line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H. Trump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to his aides, who had no clue either, so th...

FINALLY A QUALITY PUN (Un intended)

FINALLY A QUALITY PUN

OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers

Detective: Dear God !!!

OFFICER: Most likely yes

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too “un-American”

I saw it coming from a kilometre away

3 Un Jokes of the day

What did one Frenchmen say to the other? I don't speak French and would like to know.

A Bear walks into a bar and the patrons leave slowly noticing the situation could be potentially dangerous.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor in the tall corn; Where is my Tractor....

My last girlfriend said I was un-necessarily mysterious

Or did she?

How can you tell the difference between vaccinated vs un-vaccinated people?

Ask them who won the election.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing e...

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"

My wife asked me for a divorce today, citing that I was too "un-American".

I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

Two cats met at a river bank to cross the river. One was named One-Two-Three, the other was named Un-Deux-Trois.

Unfortunately, only One-Two-Three cat made it across. Un-Deux-Trois cat sank.

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-Un decided to have a big celebration.

[Long]
He wanted this to be an amazing event, so he made sure to hire the best orchestra around. The director was world renowned to have the most amazing musicians.


The day of the celebration came, but when the orchestra started to play, it was terrible. Kim was so mad, he ordered the...

Two cats are having a swimming race

One is called 'one two three'. The other 'un deux trois'. Which cat won?


'one two three' won because 'un deux trois' cat sank.

Why do the French never have more than one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf

An American and a Soviet general are at the UN and are bragging about who has the best soldiers.

The American says: "We train our men hard; our boys march 100 miles a day in basic training". The Russian says "Da, so what? Our soldiers march 200 miles a day and double on weekends".

The American retorts "Well... when our GIs march they do it carrying 90lb packs without so much as a complai...

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

Mary Poppins was talking to Un and Little Um...

She asked how often they used the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Um said he rarely used it. Little Um, who used it all the time said he never used it.

In other words, Um did a little, Little Um did a lie.

My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.

I almost had to call the popcoroner.

(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said “maybe slow down so you don’t choke on that. I don’t want to have to call the pop coroner”, and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on kim jong-un with his penis inside a jacket potato...

I didn't know what to say, I'd never seen a dick-tater before

There are two cats named One Two Three and Un Deux Trois

The two cats come to a river, only one survives the crossing. Which one survived?
One Two Three because the Un Deux Trois quatre cinq.

A North Korean man was arrested and given 15 years for calling Kim Jong Un a fathead

1 year for insulting the Supreme Leader and 14 for revealing a state secret

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Governor Abbot wants to build a border wall with Mexico...

So, after a period of bidding, his team shortlists a few contractors and bring them for an interview with the Governor...


First, a Mexican contractor shows up:

\- Hi, I'm going to charge 1 million dollars for each mile of wall.
\- And how come it's going to be so cheap? ...

Kim Jong-Un decides he wants to go hunting and takes his three top ministers with him, the Minister of the Interior, the Minister of Defense, and the Minister of Propaganda.

After a short while of stomping aroiund in the woods, they come across some ducks. Kim turns to his Minister of the Interior.

"Shoot the ducks!" he orders.

The Minister of the Interior raises his shotgun, aims, fires, and misses all the ducks.

Kim stares at him. The ducks start ...

I bought some french hens recently, but it’s very frustrating that so far they’ve only laid a single egg

Un oeuf is enough.

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies

Kim Jon dos

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

Why Kim Jong-un has dark circles under eyes?

Because the enemy never sleeps!

I’ve been a follower of r/jokes for a long time so here are some of my favorite ones:

One, uno, eins, un.

During World War 2, the Germans on the front line put up a sign "Gott Mit Uns"

The English replied with a sign of their own "We got mittens too"

Real story.

Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.

"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.

Two years from now I see even greater glory.

Three years from now the glory is joined by love.

However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."

At this the dictator gets...

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem.

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”
“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.
Leaders from all over ...

A Conductor composes am orchestra for king Jon un himself.

It takes them weeks, and it is the best orchestra that North Korea has ever seen. But when it came time to show him their original masterpiece, they flop. It’s absolutely horrible. So king Jon un sends the conductor to the electric chair to be executed.

The conductor is asked what he wishes f...

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

What do Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They both host national TV shows.

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

A wealthy Frenchman was showing me his yachts...

“This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six... “

“What happened to 5?” I asked

“Cinq”

Kim Jong-Un isn’t ill...

...that was his dad

What do Schrodinger's cat and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They're both alive and dead until you see them!

I once made a post about un vaccinated children

*It died in new*

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladamir Putin, Hitler , and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next up, Hitler ca...

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. ...

Who will be Kim Jong-Un's successor?

Kim Jong-Deux

What do Kim Jung Un and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both long overdue for a heart attack, but even the devil doesn't want them.

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

Kim Jong Un likes his jokes like his citizens.

Perfectly executed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

All it takes is a mixup in the UN...

and unclear quickly becomes nuclear.

Apparently Kim Jong un is Brain dead

Which makes north Korea, the UK and USA all with brain dead leaders

Kim Jong Un got cloned...

Kim Jong Un got cloned.


What will we call him, asks the scientist ?


"Kim Jong- Deux" replied his French assistant.

I guess Kim Jong-un is just like his father now

He’s become Kim Jong-ill

Breaking news KIM JONG UN just lost 50 lbs

He is now addressed as Slim Jong Un

I heard that Kim Jong Un is sick.

I guess that makes him Kim Jong Ill

(I hope this isn't a repost)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

What do Kim Jong-Un and Bok Choy have in common?

Both are Korean vegetables

A panda walks into a bar...

A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why? Why are you behaving in this strange, un-panda-like fashion?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda walks towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual an...

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

Why does a child get to speak in front of the UN?

Or be president, for that matter.

Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Trump..

They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi ambassador says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen here in America."

President Trump says, "Well your excellency, anything I can do to help you?"

The Saudi whispers "My son watches your show *Star Trek* and in it ther...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good man dies and goes to heaven where God, impressed by the man's life record, grants him one final wish.

"Well, God, I know this seems petty, but I've never won at blackjack."

That's okay, my friend, God says, and He snaps His fingers and He and the man are sitting at a blackjack table in Vegas. The man puts up a $1,000 bet. The dealer's showing a 6 and the man's showing a 17. The man signals th...

Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery?

Yeah, me neither.

In 2025 the world is set to change its official language to Finnish

all other languages were deemed un-finnished

A Chinese bureaucrat, an Indian bureaucrat and an African bureaucrat walk into a bar. They’ve known each other for years, having met every year at UN conferences, and they’ve become friends.

But, talking over drinks, they realise that they’ve only ever met at conferences. So the Chinese bureaucrat suggests that after the next one, in Beijing, they come to his house to relax for a few days.

They all agree, and when the next conference ends, they set off. They get a plane at Beijin...

what do you call a mean frog?

un hoppy

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un’s Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I’ll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

Notice at a religious place

Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!

2 cats are having a race

2 cats are having a race across the Atlantic Ocean. One of them is a English cat named one,two,three and the other is a French cat named un,deux,trois. Which cat wins the race?

The English cat because un,deux,trois cat sank

What do you call a potato on Kim Jong Un’s balls?

A dictator.



Came up with this in my history class haha

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

Joking about Kim jong uns death and corona are kind of the same. First we made memes about it....

....then we either ended up dead or locked inside

Did you know kim jung-un doesnt cry at funerals?

Hes un-bereaveable...

How many doubles does Kim Jong-un has?

None, there is not enough food in North Korea for second Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong Un released a statement today

I don’t know what it said it must’ve been Morse code, all it said was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beeeeeep*

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

Kim Jong-un's doctors...

Probably fancy a Korea change

Kim Jong-UN walks into a bar...

...in his dreams

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What...

With Kim Jong Un’s death possible, his successor would be his sister. Perhaps we wouldn’t have to worry about being nuked all the time.

We’d only have to worry about being nuked once a month!

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

UN was recruting new soldiers so a German, American and Chinese guy applied.

To get accepted they had to pass some tests.
The first test was infront of a forest.
The UN officer yells to the german: bring us some wood.

He runs into the forest and after half an hour he returns with hands full of branches and planks.

After that the officer yells to the Amer...

Apparently Kim Jong Un supervised the testing of a new missile weapon system.

I don't know, but it seems quite dangerous to have missiles being fired Un-supervised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make!” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well...” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin. “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Moth...

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