So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.


Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cli...

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't k...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

I had 3 French cats. The three are named un, and deux who could swim,

but, my trois cat sank.

A Conductor composes am orchestra for king Jon un himself.

It takes them weeks, and it is the best orchestra that North Korea has ever seen. But when it came time to show him their original masterpiece, they flop. It’s absolutely horrible. So king Jon un sends the conductor to the electric chair to be executed.

The conductor is asked what he wishes f...

What do Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They both host national TV shows.

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem.

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”
“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.
Leaders from all over ...

I once made a post about un vaccinated children

*It died in new*

what kind kind of potato would Kim Jong Un be?

a dic-tater

Why Kim Jong-Un is overweight?

Because he never had to run for office.

Kim Jong-Un decides he wants to go hunting and takes his three top ministers with him, the Minister of the Interior, the Minister of Defense, and the Minister of Propaganda.

After a short while of stomping aroiund in the woods, they come across some ducks. Kim turns to his Minister of the Interior.

"Shoot the ducks!" he orders.

The Minister of the Interior raises his shotgun, aims, fires, and misses all the ducks.

Kim stares at him. The ducks start ...

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

Kim Jong Un got cloned...

Kim Jong Un got cloned.


What will we call him, asks the scientist ?


"Kim Jong- Deux" replied his French assistant.

Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies

Kim Jon dos

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!

Because he is the supreme ruler.

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Trump..

They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi ambassador says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen here in America."

President Trump says, "Well your excellency, anything I can do to help you?"

The Saudi whispers "My son watches your show *Star Trek* and in it ther...

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

What do Kim Jung Un and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both long overdue for a heart attack, but even the devil doesn't want them.

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

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Vladamir Putin, Hitler , and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next up, Hitler ca...

What do Schrodinger's cat and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They're both alive and dead until you see them!

Kim Jong-Un isn’t ill...

...that was his dad

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un’s Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I’ll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

Who will be Kim Jong-Un's successor?

Kim Jong-Deux

BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure.

Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the 'supreme reader'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

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Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

What do Kim Jong-Un and Bok Choy have in common?

Both are Korean vegetables

I guess Kim Jong-un is just like his father now

He’s become Kim Jong-ill

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

I heard that Kim Jong Un is sick.

I guess that makes him Kim Jong Ill

(I hope this isn't a repost)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So now that Kim Jong Uns sister is going to rule North Korea

Is she the worlds first vagtator?

Two cats tried to cross the river. One cat was named 'One Two Three', the other cat was named 'Un Deux Trois'. Which cat made it across?

'One Two Three' because 'Un Deux Trois' Quatre Cinq .



It's a pronunciation thing.

Why did the Frenchman put only one egg in his omelet?

Because one egg is *un oeuf*

Kim Jong Un likes his jokes like his citizens.

Perfectly executed.

Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery?

Yeah, me neither.

Joking about Kim jong uns death and corona are kind of the same. First we made memes about it....

....then we either ended up dead or locked inside

A Chinese bureaucrat, an Indian bureaucrat and an African bureaucrat walk into a bar. They’ve known each other for years, having met every year at UN conferences, and they’ve become friends.

But, talking over drinks, they realise that they’ve only ever met at conferences. So the Chinese bureaucrat suggests that after the next one, in Beijing, they come to his house to relax for a few days.

They all agree, and when the next conference ends, they set off. They get a plane at Beijin...

Breaking news KIM JONG UN just lost 50 lbs

He is now addressed as Slim Jong Un

How many doubles does Kim Jong-un has?

None, there is not enough food in North Korea for second Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong Un released a statement today

I don’t know what it said it must’ve been Morse code, all it said was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beeeeeep*

All it takes is a mixup in the UN...

and unclear quickly becomes nuclear.

Kim Jung Un is now the version of himself that he has always feared

A Vegetable

A g‌‌uy s‌‌ends a‌‌ t‌‌ext t‌‌o h‌‌is n‌‌ext-door n‌‌eighbor:

"Bob, I‌‌'m s‌‌orry. I‌‌'ve b‌‌een r‌‌iddled w‌‌ith g‌‌uilt a‌‌nd I‌‌ h‌‌ave t‌‌o c‌‌onfess: I‌‌ h‌‌ave b‌‌een h‌‌elping m‌‌yself t‌‌o y‌‌our w‌‌ife w‌‌hen y‌‌ou're n‌‌ot a‌‌round, p‌‌robably m‌‌ore t‌‌han y‌‌ou. I‌‌ k‌‌now i‌‌t's n‌‌o e‌‌xcuse b‌‌ut I‌‌ d‌‌on't g‌‌et i‌‌t a‌‌t h‌‌ome. I‌‌ c‌‌an't l...

Kim Jong-un's doctors...

Probably fancy a Korea change

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone thought Kim Jung Un was in a vegetative state, but actually he was in the studio recording his acoustic album

Kim Jung Unplugged.

Thanks to Kim Jong-un....

Donald Trump is only the second most brain dead world leader...

Kim Jong-UN walks into a bar...

...in his dreams

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?

Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

With Kim Jong Un’s death possible, his successor would be his sister. Perhaps we wouldn’t have to worry about being nuked all the time.

We’d only have to worry about being nuked once a month!

Kim Jong Un must be happy with Covid-19 as there will be more food left for him.

Just kidding. All the food is for him anyway.

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make!” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well...” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin. “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Moth...

A d‌‌og s‌‌ees a‌‌ "‌‌Now h‌‌iring" p‌‌oster o‌‌utside o‌‌f a‌‌ c‌‌omputer s‌‌tore.

T‌‌he p‌‌oster r‌‌eads: "Must b‌‌e a‌‌ble t‌‌o t‌‌ype. M‌‌ust b‌‌e a‌‌ble t‌‌o p‌‌rogram. A‌‌nd m‌‌ust b‌‌e b‌‌ilingual. W‌‌e a‌‌re a‌‌n e‌‌qual o‌‌pportunity e‌‌mployer."

The d‌‌og t‌‌akes t‌‌he p‌‌oster i‌‌n h‌‌is m‌‌outh, a‌‌nd w‌‌alks i‌‌n. T‌‌he m‌‌anager s‌‌pots t‌‌he d‌‌og, a‌‌nd d‌‌ec...

Why do the French make their omelettes with only one egg instead of two or three?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

What do you call a potato on Kim Jong Un’s balls?

A dictator.



Came up with this in my history class haha

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

Little Johnny

Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write un the dark?"

His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?

Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."

A w‌‌oman w‌‌as h‌‌aving a‌‌n a‌‌ffair w‌‌hile h‌‌er h‌‌usband w‌‌as a‌‌t w‌‌ork.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay s‌‌he w‌‌as i‌‌n b‌‌ed w‌‌ith h‌‌er b‌‌oyfriend w‌‌hen, t‌‌o h‌‌er h‌‌orror, s‌‌he h‌‌eard h‌‌er h‌‌usband’s c‌‌ar p‌‌ull i‌‌nto t‌‌he d‌‌riveway.

“Oh M‌‌y G‌‌od –‌‌ H‌‌urry! G‌‌rab y‌‌our c‌‌lothes,” s‌‌he y‌‌elled t‌‌o h‌‌er l‌‌over.“‌‌And j‌‌ump o‌‌ut t‌‌he w‌‌indow. M‌‌y h‌‌us...

Wanna hear something funny?

China is a member of UN human right council

Three cats were racing across a lake

They were named OneTwoThree, UnDeuxTrois, and UnoDosTres. OneTwoThree won, UnoDosTres got second, but UnDeuxTrois was nowhere to be found.

Because the UnDeuxTrois quatre cinq.

There once was a sailor from Brighton

Who said to his gal, "You're a tight 'un."

She said, "Upon my soul!

You're in the wrong hole!

There's plenty of room in the right 'un"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 3 kinds of turds un this world,

Mustard, custard, and you, ya little shit!

What do you call a beehive that has no exits?

Un-bee-leavable

Why does a child get to speak in front of the UN?

Or be president, for that matter.

I w‌‌as d‌‌igging i‌‌n o‌‌ur g‌‌arden w‌‌hen I‌‌ f‌‌ound a‌‌ c‌‌hest f‌‌ull o‌‌f g‌‌old c‌‌oins.

I‌‌ w‌‌as a‌‌bout t‌‌o r‌‌un s‌‌traight h‌‌ome t‌‌o t‌‌ell m‌‌y w‌‌ife a‌‌bout i‌‌t, b‌‌ut t‌‌hen I‌‌ r‌‌emembered w‌‌hy I‌‌ w‌‌as d‌‌igging i‌‌n o‌‌ur g‌‌arden.

What's the most hated vegetable in the world?

Kim Jong un

Want to know why it’s called the British Channel, and not the French Channel?

Well to settle the argument a long while ago, British and French noblemen decided to race cats along the Channel for the naming rights.

So the British cat crossed the Channel in,

one, two, three, four and five easy steps.

The French cat attempted the crossing,

Un, duex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather was an Un-Orthodox jew...

He was a nazi.

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!




(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

Did you know kim jung-un doesnt cry at funerals?

Hes un-bereaveable...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un?

because they remember what the last fat man did to them

What did kim jong un text his girlfriend?

Send nukes

So I just had a thought...

I just realised that "Kim" can be a short hand for "Kimberly." With that, I figured out Kim Jong Un's full name: "Kimberly Jong Unlikeable-Bellend."

Apparently Kim Jong Un supervised the testing of a new missile weapon system.

I don't know, but it seems quite dangerous to have missiles being fired Un-supervised.

UN was recruting new soldiers so a German, American and Chinese guy applied.

To get accepted they had to pass some tests.
The first test was infront of a forest.
The UN officer yells to the german: bring us some wood.

He runs into the forest and after half an hour he returns with hands full of branches and planks.

After that the officer yells to the Amer...

A guy gets hit by a car.

He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him.The guy asks if he'll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes.The nurse asks "You'll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?"

The guy replies "No, unfortunately, money is tight for me."...

What do you call a werewolf who doesn’t know they’re a werewolf?

A un-aware wolf

you know, memes are like un-vaccinated children

they die within a week

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

Before i die im going to eat a whole bag of un-poped popcorn

Hopefully it will make the cremation a bit more interesting

Three cats named Un, Deux and Trois go on a fishing trip together.

Their boat capsized, and Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre, Cinq

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

Why couldn't Kim-Jong Un get into heaven?

Because he had no Seoul...

I was on board with Trump for the groping, the concentration camps, Kim Jong-Un, the trade war, the millionaire tax cut...

But he really needs to watch his language

The KGB, the FBI and the Cia are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investiga...

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

There are two cats crossing a river.

The first cat's name is "One two three" and the other's name is "un deux trois".

Which one made it across?

One two three, because the Un Deux Trois cat sank.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Alvin, sell your business!"

Alvin is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above that says, "Alvin, sell your business!" He ignores it.

The voice goes on for days saying, "Alvin, sell your business for three million dollars!" After weeks of this, he relents and sells his store.

The voice says, "...

What did the UN say to the Land of Pee when it officially became a country?

Urination.

Knock Knock

Knock Knock:

Kim Jong Un : who's there?

Karma...

Kim : (Hopefully) Reddit Karma ?

No..
the real one......

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

Donald Trump recently met with Kim Jong-un

"It was very informative. I didn't understand everything this fat and delusive statesman was babbling about but I think I could learn a lot from his cruel camps", Kim Jong-un was quoted.

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