Un Jokes - 97 Hilarious Un Jokes

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too “un-American”

I saw it coming from a kilometre away

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
...

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

A Joke About Kim Jong Un

[removed]

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

UN Survey

Last month, the UN conducted a global survey:

# "Please give us your honest opinion about a solution to the Food Shortages in the Rest of the World."

The poll turned out, not unexpectedly, to be a huge flop.

Why?

\-In Africa, participants didn't know what ...

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

An Australian joins the UN Peacekeeping Corps

On his second day, his American Drill Instructor is going down the line, grilling the recruits.

He gets to the Australian, and screams "Did you come here to die?!"

To which the Australian replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday."

an English cat, called one, two, three, and a French cat called un, deux, trois had a race across the English channel. which cat won?

The English cat, because the Un, Deux, trois cat sank.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Mankind

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

The FBI, the CIA, and the KGB are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI receive 1000 tips about the rabbit's location but refuses to investigate.

The CIA burns down the whole forest and said there's no rabbit.

The KGB drags a man out of the forest and beats him as he screams "OK I'm a rabbit!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

StRaNgE EnCoUnTeRs

It’s the 7.55 service from Paddington to Plymouth and a man
finds himself sat across the aisle from a beautiful woman.
She is reading a large book and as he looks closer at it he
realises it’s a book on sexual statistics.
“That looks an interesting book,” he remarks.
She smiles at him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.

"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing e...

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. ...

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says “I will destroy America...”

Trump replies, “No way, that’s my job. I won’t have another asian stealing an American job.”

When there is a conflict between two small states, the UN steps in and the conflict vanishes.

When there is a conflict between a small state and a large state, the UN steps in and the small state vanishes.

When there is a conflict between two big states, the UN vanishes.

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

What is Kim Jong-un's favorite Christmas decor?

A mistletoe!

There's a male employee at the UN who dresses in drag at night.

He's a trans later

North Korea announced to have successfully landed a man on the Sun

During a live interview with Kim Jong-un, a reporter asked, "the Sun is very hot! How did you land a man?" Kim proudly replied, "we launch at night!"

Meanwhile, Trump tweeted while watching the live, "Haha what an idiot! There is no Sun at night!"

The UN asked an American, an Ethiopian, and a Chinese for their opinion on the global food shortage

None of them understood the question;

The American asked what is a shortage.

The Ethiopian asked what is food.

The Chinese asked what is a opinion.

I always thought my wife nagged me less un February because of Valentines Day.

Turns out it's because it only has 28 days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

FINALLY A QUALITY PUN (Un intended)

FINALLY A QUALITY PUN

OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers

Detective: Dear God !!!

OFFICER: Most likely yes

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

Kim Jong Un visits a pig farm somewhere in rural North Korea. A photograph of him with some pigs is taken.

The caption reads: Several pigs surrounding Dear Leader (3rd from left)

Why did Kim Jong Un kill all the owls in North Korea?

Because they all kept repeating "Coup, Coup."

Swimming Cats

An English cat named “OneTwoThree” and a French cat named “UnDeuxTrois” decided to swim across the lake, but only one cat survived the journey. Which cat made it?

OneTwoThree, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank

I’ve been a follower of r/jokes for a long time so here are some of my favorite ones:

One, uno, eins, un.

I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter

Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law

Valve should be in charge of the UN

It's the only sure-fire way to prevent World War 3.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies

Kim Jon dos

My last girlfriend said I was un-necessarily mysterious

Or did she?

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

How can you tell the difference between vaccinated vs un-vaccinated people?

Ask them who won the election.

Kim Jong-un & Donald Trump

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

3 Un Jokes of the day

What did one Frenchmen say to the other? I don't speak French and would like to know.

A Bear walks into a bar and the patrons leave slowly noticing the situation could be potentially dangerous.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor in the tall corn; Where is my Tractor....

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett...

Un Deux Trois

A French cat called Un Deux Trois attempted to swim the English Channel last weekend but sadly didn't make it and drowned. It was all over the news the next day; "Un Duex Trois Cat Sank"

What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by sayin...

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

When Kim Jong Un dies...

Is the next person in charge Kim Jong Deux?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three hellions in a class

They were so bad that teachers kept quitting. The principle got so frustrated she hire a retired female marine Sargent to teach the class and gave her authority to go whatever it took to control the three kids. The first day of the school year she walks into the class room and asks the three to step...

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

Kim Jong Un got cloned...

Kim Jong Un got cloned.

What will we call him, asks the scientist ?

"Kim Jong- Deux" replied his French assistant.

Kim Jong-un's doctors...

Probably fancy a Korea change

A new study shows that un-vaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

because they are more likely to be dead.

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

What do you call a flying nun?

A bird? A plane?

Nope, nun of the above

Thanks to Kim Jong-un....

Donald Trump is only the second most brain dead world leader...

Trump walks into the UN General Assembly

Everyone laughs

What does, “Preguntando por un amigo,” mean?

Asking for a friend.

What if that kim jong un rises from the dead??

Can we name him Kim jong undo?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men...

The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

The gener...

Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.

"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.

Two years from now I see even greater glory.

Three years from now the glory is joined by love.

However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."

At this the dictator gets...

Why Kim Jong-un has dark circles under eyes?

Because the enemy never sleeps!

Why does a child get to speak in front of the UN?

Or be president, for that matter.

Kim Jong Un released a statement today

I don’t know what it said it must’ve been Morse code, all it said was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beeeeeep*

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

What's Kim Jong Un's favorite step of mitosis?

Nuclear division.

The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."

Results:

Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".

Africans asked what "food" is.

Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".

Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.

And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the ter...

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

I heard that Kim Jong Un is sick.

I guess that makes him Kim Jong Ill

(I hope this isn't a repost)

Kim Jong-UN walks into a bar...

...in his dreams

What do Schrodinger's cat and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They're both alive and dead until you see them!

Breaking news KIM JONG UN just lost 50 lbs

He is now addressed as Slim Jong Un

Kim Jung Un responds to why he doesn't let people leave North Korea.

Kim Jung Un has said "The intent is to provide people with a sense of pride and accomplishment for escaping North Korea"

Did you know kim jung-un doesnt cry at funerals?

Hes un-bereaveable...

There are two cats named One Two Three and Un Deux Trois

The two cats come to a river, only one survives the crossing. Which one survived?
One Two Three because the Un Deux Trois quatre cinq.

How many doubles does Kim Jong-un has?

None, there is not enough food in North Korea for second Kim Jong-un.

Why couldn't Kim-Jong Un get into heaven?

Because he had no Seoul...

My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.

I almost had to call the popcoroner.

(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said “maybe slow down so you don’t choke on that. I don’t want to have to call the pop coroner”, and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). ...

How do you think the un-thinkable?

With an itheburg

I once made a post about un vaccinated children

*It died in new*

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

Don't make fun of Kim Jong Un just because of his condition.

It's not his fault he suffers from projectile dysfunction.

Kim Jung Un called Xi Jinping at 3:30 in the morning.

Xi: Why are you calling at *this* time?

Kim: I am going to test a nuke.

Xi: Okay, when are you going to do this?

Kim: 10.

Xi: 10 what? In 10 months? 10 weeks? 10 days?

Kim: 9.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on kim jong-un with his penis inside a jacket potato...

I didn't know what to say, I'd never seen a dick-tater before

What do Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They both host national TV shows.

Why was the un-vaccinated 3 year old crying?

He was having a midlife crisis!

What do Kim Jung Un and Donald Trump have in common?

They're both long overdue for a heart attack, but even the devil doesn't want them.

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