Complement Jokes

That's a violation.

I don't know why she took it as an insult.

And suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

A leukemia treatment center.

You might say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation

Now she's making a big deal with HR about it.

Wife: I look like a fat, ugly, wrinkly, pig, be a dear and pay me a complement

Husband: Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

"Hey James, that disguise is incogNEATo!"

A welder sees an ad for help and a metals shop. $18-$25 per hour. He goes in and asks about the job. They give him some metal to weld and tells him to bring it back when he's done. The welder brings back two welds. The first one is beautiful. Pristine beads, straight as an arrow. The shop owner comp... read more

I was complemented on my parking at the courthouse today. Someone left a note saying parking fine.

They complement each other.

None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw.

Heard from my friend

There was a couple holding hands walking toward me on the path and I could see that the guy had an Alabama hat on. As the couple passed, the guy exclaimed, "Roll tide buddy!" I'm not one for confrontation so I decided to give him a complement, and told him his sister was hot.

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.

He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.

Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.

In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAG... read more

He goes up to the barkeep and orders a beer, the bartender walks out back to refill the kegs. while the man is drinking he hears a voice, 'that's a very nice tie you're wearing' the man looks around wildly and yells to the bartender 'oi! did you say anything?'
the bartender replies, 'no!' sitting... read more

He goes to see his rabbi one day and says,

"Rabbi you won't believe what happened to me! Last week someone stole my bicycle from synagogue!"

The rabbi is deeply upset by this, but after thinking for a moment he offers a solution:

"Next week come to services, sit in the fron row,... read more

Everything was going well. Somehow they both complemented each other; water was pretty slick and fire was the hottest partner around. They were together for what seemed eternity, living in harmony, when one day water could no longer stand fire. She had left, it seemed.

"Where is she, he aske... read more

... one of them says: “I'm starting to have a bad memory. Yesterday i forgot if i already had lunch, so i did it again anyway”. The second one complements: “Me too. I was awake for about 10 minutes, forgot if i had sleep, and slept again anyway”. The third one, trying to hide her memory problems, s... read more