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I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache

And suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal...

"So what do you think would best complement a person?"
"Salt and pepper."

A Vietnamese couple met on Match.com and it turns out they complement each other perfectly

You might say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation

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How do you complement someone having a circumsition?

You tell him to keep the tip.

What’s the worst place to complement someone’s haircut?

A leukemia treatment center.

I complemented some corn the other day.

It smiled from ear to ear.

Complementing a mustache should be a good thing

I don't know why she took it as an insult.

I genuinely complemented on a coworkers moustache,

Now she's making a big deal with HR about it.

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Old lady decides to be a prostitute to complement her income

Arriving home, she counts the profit with her husband:
- Its U$100,50.
- Honey, who gave you 50 cents?
- What do you mean "who gave me 50 cents"?! Everyone!

Pay me a complement.

Wife: I look like a fat, ugly, wrinkly, pig, be a dear and pay me a complement

Husband: Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

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One of these days, I'm going to go fishing for complements.

I hope I catch some peanut butter and jelly.

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A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

Welder joke

A welder sees an ad for help and a metals shop. $18-$25 per hour. He goes in and asks about the job. They give him some metal to weld and tells him to bring it back when he's done. The welder brings back two welds. The first one is beautiful. Pristine beads, straight as an arrow. The shop owner comp...

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How many Nice Guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just complement the bulb and get pissed that it won't screw

I have some fine parking skills.

I was complemented on my parking at the courthouse today. Someone left a note saying parking fine.

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan...

The night before his important meeting he decides to unwind with a hooker. As he's banging away, she screams "Nakamushi! Nakamushii!" not speaking much Japanese he assumes this is a complement to his outstanding performance.

His meeting the next day goes well and he's invited to play golf wi...

An elderly couple are getting ready

For a date, as the wife steps out of the shower she looks in the mirror and says “I’ve got wrinkles all over, my hair is grey, I’m fatter than when we got married and things aren’t hanging where they used to be.” She turns to her husband and says “I feel down right ugly I need a complement.” After t...

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A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

How do 69° and 21° maintain a strong relationship?

They complement each other.

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Want to meet elderly married woman

Yes, that's right. Age 50 to 75, and inseparable from her cherished
husband. Someone who treasures intimacy, is energetic, open-minded,
spontaneous, bright, human. Who feels no shame or inhibition around
sexuality, is creative and responsive. Who gives her man tenderness,
stimulation...

A guy gets his bike stolen from synagogue...

He goes to see his rabbi one day and says,

"Rabbi you won't believe what happened to me! Last week someone stole my bicycle from synagogue!"

The rabbi is deeply upset by this, but after thinking for a moment he offers a solution:

"Next week come to services, sit in the fron row,...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...

A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.

He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.

Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.

In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAG...

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Complisult !!!

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. "Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said.


"I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"


"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You'...

How many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None; they all stand around complementing it then get mad when it wont screw.

Heard from my friend

I was walking in the park today with my Auburn t-shirt on.

There was a couple holding hands walking toward me on the path and I could see that the guy had an Alabama hat on. As the couple passed, the guy exclaimed, "Roll tide buddy!" I'm not one for confrontation so I decided to give him a complement, and told him his sister was hot.

Three old ladies talking...

... one of them says: “I'm starting to have a bad memory. Yesterday i forgot if i already had lunch, so i did it again anyway”. The second one complements: “Me too. I was awake for about 10 minutes, forgot if i had sleep, and slept again anyway”. The third one, trying to hide her memory problems, s...

Water and fire were married.

Everything was going well. Somehow they both complemented each other; water was pretty slick and fire was the hottest partner around. They were together for what seemed eternity, living in harmony, when one day water could no longer stand fire. She had left, it seemed.

"Where is she, he aske...

A man walks into a bar...

He goes up to the barkeep and orders a beer, the bartender walks out back to refill the kegs. while the man is drinking he hears a voice, 'that's a very nice tie you're wearing' the man looks around wildly and yells to the bartender 'oi! did you say anything?'
the bartender replies, 'no!' sitting...

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