What's the similarity between Boris Johnson and the clapper on Big Ben?

They're both massive bell-ends.

I helped my neighbours install clappers

There must be something wrong with them because they were flickering on and off all night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy got me the clapper for my birthday....

Now every time my wife and i have sex its like a rave

Someone asked me if i knew what a clapper was.

I said, "It rings a bell".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is having dinner with his girlfriend's family for the first time...

As they're eating, a little squeeker escapes him before he realizes that he's got to fart.

"Spot!!" yells the mother

Relieved, the man thinks "I just farted and they thought it was the dog under the table! Thank goodness"

After a few more minutes the man realizes that he's got t...

One of my old theater director’s favorites

In an old, medieval village, there was a church, with a high bell tower. The bell hadn’t been rung in many a long year.

One day, a man with no arms finds the priest of the church and says, “Father, I’d like to be your official bell ringer.”

Confused, the priest responds “But how can y...

If war is the father of invention, and necessity is the mother of invention...

Then laziness must be the drunk uncle with inventions like the remote control, la-z-boy, and the clapper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and With A smile on his face, says, "The media are really tearing you apart for That Scandal."

Hillary: "You mean my lying about Benghazi?"

Trump: "No, the other one."


Hillary: "You mean the massive voter fraud?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Usin...

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