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The Killer Jokes

Did you all see the new scary about the killer cow?

It was horror-bull.

Today there's been another gruesome murder by the killer that police have nicknamed "The knitting needles killer"

Police fear he may be working to a pattern

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

(OC) A Killer Dies, And Meets His Victim In The Afterlife...

The killer stares awkwardly at the victim, the victim stares back. Unsure what to do, the killer finally says, "Well... This feels pretty tense."

The victim replies, "Oh, we're past tense."

The killer panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can't do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."

So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."

The killer was found to be completely insane.

So insane, in fact, I was able to convince him that he was guilty of the murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A serial killer died and goes to hell…

A serial killer dies and goes to hell. He’s met by a devil.

“Welcome to hell. Do you like smoking?”

“Yeah” replies the killer.

“Oh boy you’re gonna love Mondays. All we do is smoke. Soon as you’re done smoking, another cigarette appears in your hand. Smoke smoke smoke, all day l...

Thw detective knew immediately which ballerina was the killer.

Because guilty feet have got no rhythm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Go kill that son of a bitch

One fine morning an English billionaire was taking a walk with his dog. Suddenly a Pakistani came out from the bushes and shot the poor dog three times. The dog died.

The billionaire screamed at the killer, “Why did you do that?”

The killer answered, "Your wife gave me £ 50,000 and to...

Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds?

He’s the one that orca-strated the heist!

What did the killer whale do when the boat came?

Swallowed all the seamen

The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.

It was very carefully orca-strated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The victim was found with semen in her ear

I guess you could say she could hear the killer coming.

Why was the killer's watch arrested?

Because it was proven to be accessory to murder.

The police were easily able to identify Will Smith as the killer.

He left fresh prints.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a serial killer on the loose...

There's a serial killer on the loose in a pretty big city in Southern California. This killer has been at large for some time and has a particularity sadistic method of murdering his victims, he kills them by making thousands of tiny cuts all over their bodies until they pass out from pain and die o...

Killer Bear

In Czechoslovakia, a woman walks into a police station and reports that while walking in the woods she witnessed a bear attack a man and devour him. The police quickly form a search party to find and take care of the killer bear.

About an hour later they come across two bears together - a ma...

My best Cowboy Joke

A cowboy is hitching his horse in front of the saloon when a man storms out with a pistol. The cowboy walks into the bar, past a barfly with a half-empty drink, orders a beer and asks the barfly

“Who’s the guy who just stormed out looking for trouble?”

The barfly responds “Oh him? That...

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