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Islamic Jokes

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

A ca. 800 year old joke from Islamic folklore about Mullah Nasruddin

One day, a neighbor whom Mullah Nasruddin didn't like came to see him. The neighbor asked Nasruddin, "May I borrow your donkey?"

Nasruddin did not want to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like. So, he told him, "I would be glad to loan you my donkey. Unfortunately, my brother came y...

You know snow is not a problem in most Islamic countries but...

...ISIS

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Islamic fundamentalist‘s sexdolls

they blow themselves up

What do you call an Islamic capitalist?

Profit Muhammad

What’s an Islamic persons opinion of Muhammad?

They’re allah bout him

Why do many people keeping buying Mudéjar art?

Because it is Moor-ish!

>!I realise that this joke is relying on fairly uncommon words like Mudéjar, Moor and moreish - which will reduce how many people will enjoy the joke. But I didn't think that should stop it from being shared. Words explained below!<

>!Mudéjar art: Refer...

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

I have a joke about Islamic financing

But there’s no interest .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

What do you call an Islamic cow?

A Mooslim.

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries?

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

My wife cooked me a beautiful Islamic dinner from the Middle Ages last night.

It was very Moorish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While walking through the mall I spotted the Islamic Book Store and I went in.

The clerk asked me, "can I help you?" I said, "yes, can you tell me where I can find Donald Trump's book on refugees?" He turned beet red and said, "eat shit, get the fuck out and stay out." I said, "yes, that's the one, now where is it located?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip...

That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes...

A man walks through the Central Park in New York City

Suddenly he sees a dog attacking a small girl. He runs towards them, starts a fight with the dog and finally kills it. So he saves the life of the girl.

A policeman was watching them, walks to the man and says:

You are a hero! Tomorrow in the new York Times the first headline will be: ...

Why do islamic people dont play chess?

Because the woman can move freely

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?

They're always just a stone's throw away.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst

You can't drink alcohol
Or dance.


Women can get Stoned though, no questions asked.

What state has the worst drivers?

The Islamic State.

My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones.

We're very SIM Allah.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

What do you call a radically Islamic cowboy?

A yeehawdist

I used to think that Islamic countries were tight on their drug laws...

...but that can't be right. They still let women get stoned, don't they?

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?

Haram Bay

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is an Islamic refugee

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

Which is an Islamic trait?

A.heading
B.heading
C.heading

What do you call a group of Islamic people living in poor housing?

Muslums

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic Book Shop

I went into an Islamic book shop the other day. I was walking round, looking for a book but couldn't find what i wanted. Eventually, the cashier came over and asked if he could help. So i said "Do you happen to have the British Immigration Policy Book for Muslims"?
The cashier said angrily "Fuck ...

What’s the difference between an islamic hide out and an Afghan pine nut farm?

I don’t know, I just fly the drones.

What do you do if your Islamic dog bites you?

Muslim

A couple are on a blind date. She, a New York realtor; he, a Russian businessman. After a lovely dinner, conversation turns to world affairs, and the man expresses some anti-Islamic views.

The woman is incensed, but the guy is cute so she decides to give him a second chance: “I don’t know what’s acceptable in Russia, but I don’t want to hear any of that bigoted rhetoric. Not another word! I’m going to the washroom to cool off and we’ll try again.” As the woman leaves the table the...

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Assimilation.

Two Islamic men move to the U.S. and decide to get together for lunch. One says to the other, "Let’s make a bet and see who can assimilate into the American culture faster. We'll meet up again in three months and compare our experiences." His Arab compatriot loves the idea, and agrees.

When t...

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