What do you call an Islamic capitalist?

Profit Muhammad

Why do islamic people dont play chess?

Because the woman can move freely

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

My wife cooked me a beautiful Islamic dinner from the Middle Ages last night.

It was very Moorish.

Snow isn’t a problem is Islamic countries but....

ISIS

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst

You can't drink alcohol
Or dance.


Women can get Stoned though, no questions asked.

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

I used to think that Islamic countries were tight on their drug laws...

...but that can't be right. They still let women get stoned, don't they?

What’s the difference between an islamic hide out and an Afghan pine nut farm?

I don’t know, I just fly the drones.

My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones.

We're very SIM Allah.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

What did the hungry Islamic Terrorist say when he landed in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar.

What do you call a radically Islamic cowboy?

A yeehawdist

2 christians were stranded in a desert.

The first was called John and the second was called Jack. They were extremely hungry and thirsty.

In the distance, they saw a mosque gleaming in the middle of no where.

John suggested to go and pay the mosque's Imam a visit and ask for some food and water. Jack agreed but suggested to ...

A non-Muslim guy and a Muslim woman are deeply in love

Guy converts to Islam and marries her.

Law says guy has to study Islam too.

Guy goes to a one-week Islamic crash course.

Guy finds out something new and says to his wife:

"Baby, guess who can have four wives now?"

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Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?

They're always just a stone's throw away.

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While walking through the mall I spotted the Islamic Book Store and I went in.

The clerk asked me, "can I help you?" I said, "yes, can you tell me where I can find Donald Trump's book on refugees?" He turned beet red and said, "eat shit, get the fuck out and stay out." I said, "yes, that's the one, now where is it located?"

What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries?

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner:

It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.

Sky News: Islamic State have been defeated.

Is that the opposite of being beheaded?.

What do you call a group of Islamic people living in poor housing?

Muslums

A couple are on a blind date. She, a New York realtor; he, a Russian businessman. After a lovely dinner, conversation turns to world affairs, and the man expresses some anti-Islamic views.

The woman is incensed, but the guy is cute so she decides to give him a second chance: “I don’t know what’s acceptable in Russia, but I don’t want to hear any of that bigoted rhetoric. Not another word! I’m going to the washroom to cool off and we’ll try again.” As the woman leaves the table the...

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Why does the Islamic State have sex education classes and driver's education in different weeks?

So it's not too hard on the goats.

What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare?

The Allahu Ak-Bard.

You know what I have to say about Islamic dietary restrictions?

HA LAL

What do you do if your Islamic dog bites you?

Muslim

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

What do you call an islamic crime syndicate?

A gang bang

What’s the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity?

Allah-cart.

What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?

Haram Bay

A top Islamic cleric today condemned President Trump for being anti muslim

Trump tweeted back 'This is just fakir news'

What do radical Islamic wrappers spit?

Allahu Ak-BARS

The British Islamic Association has said there is no longer room for extremists within their mosques...

Although a waiting list has been set up.

Which is an Islamic trait?

A.heading
B.heading
C.heading

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I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists

I will call it, Ji-hotties

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...

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An Islamic terrorist blows himself up and ascends to paradise.

When he gets there he's greeted by Allah and an elderly lady who immediately wraps her frail arms round the terrorist, removes her false teeth and gives him a huge sloppy kiss.

Confused, the terrorist says, "Allah, I'm sorry to question your benevolence, but I thought there would be 72 virgi...

What's an Alcoholic Islamic extremists worst nightmare?

A-Locked-Bar

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Islamic Book Shop

I went into an Islamic book shop the other day. I was walking round, looking for a book but couldn't find what i wanted. Eventually, the cashier came over and asked if he could help. So i said "Do you happen to have the British Immigration Policy Book for Muslims"?
The cashier said angrily "Fuck ...

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

What do Islamic McDonalds employees wear?

A cheeseburka

What do you call an Islamic comedian?

A Funni Muslim

Islamic state claimed responsibility

for american presidential elections.

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A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

A man walks through the Central Park in New York City

Suddenly he sees a dog attacking a small girl. He runs towards them, starts a fight with the dog and finally kills it. So he saves the life of the girl.

A policeman was watching them, walks to the man and says:

You are a hero! Tomorrow in the new York Times the first headline will be: ...

What was the Islamic Star Wars fan for Halloween?

Hijabba the Hut

Once the Islamic State becomes recognized by the UN maybe they'll start entering the miss world contest...

...I bet their Miss Islamic State is going to be the bomb.

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."



Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

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I figured out why so many Islamic Terrorists hate Americans.

It's because we all have our dicks out for haram babes

(Late Joke) Islamic State: People who are currently in Cuba,

You are all in Fidel's.

.

Sorry.

A islamic dial ripoff made a new type of hand soap.

Aloe Akbar.

What do you do to an Islamic dog that barks too much?

Musl'im

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