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Islamic Jokes

A ca. 800 year old joke from Islamic folklore about Mullah Nasruddin

One day, a neighbor whom Mullah Nasruddin didn't like came to see him. The neighbor asked Nasruddin, "May I borrow your donkey?"

Nasruddin did not want to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like. So, he told him, "I would be glad to loan you my donkey. Unfortunately, my brother came y...

What do you call an Islamic capitalist?

Profit Muhammad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

What’s an Islamic persons opinion of Muhammad?

They’re allah bout him

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic fundamentalist‘s sexdolls

they blow themselves up

I have a joke about Islamic financing

But there’s no interest .

What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries?

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

Which is an Islamic trait?

A.heading
B.heading
C.heading

You know snow is not a problem in most Islamic countries but...

...ISIS

What do you call an Islamic cow?

A Mooslim.

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst

You can't drink alcohol
Or dance.


Women can get Stoned though, no questions asked.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While walking through the mall I spotted the Islamic Book Store and I went in.

The clerk asked me, "can I help you?" I said, "yes, can you tell me where I can find Donald Trump's book on refugees?" He turned beet red and said, "eat shit, get the fuck out and stay out." I said, "yes, that's the one, now where is it located?"

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...

What do you call a radically Islamic cowboy?

A yeehawdist

On a hot Ramadan day...

On a hot Ramadan day, the Bektashi and his friend are caught by the police while eating watermelon in public. Both are taken to the police station. The commissioner asks the friend:

"It's the holy month of Ramadan, aren't you ashamed to eat openly?"

The friend, with a bowed head, can't...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?

They're always just a stone's throw away.

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

Sky News: Islamic State have been defeated.

Is that the opposite of being beheaded?.

Why do islamic people dont play chess?

Because the woman can move freely

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

My wife cooked me a beautiful Islamic dinner from the Middle Ages last night.

It was very Moorish.

What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare?

The Allahu Ak-Bard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic Book Shop

I went into an Islamic book shop the other day. I was walking round, looking for a book but couldn't find what i wanted. Eventually, the cashier came over and asked if he could help. So i said "Do you happen to have the British Immigration Policy Book for Muslims"?
The cashier said angrily "Fuck ...

What do radical Islamic wrappers spit?

Allahu Ak-BARS

Islamic state claimed responsibility

for american presidential elections.

What do you call an islamic crime syndicate?

A gang bang

What do Islamic McDonalds employees wear?

A cheeseburka

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

What’s the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity?

Allah-cart.

What's an Alcoholic Islamic extremists worst nightmare?

A-Locked-Bar

What do you call an Islamic comedian?

A Funni Muslim

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists

I will call it, Ji-hotties

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Islamic terrorist blows himself up and ascends to paradise.

When he gets there he's greeted by Allah and an elderly lady who immediately wraps her frail arms round the terrorist, removes her false teeth and gives him a huge sloppy kiss.

Confused, the terrorist says, "Allah, I'm sorry to question your benevolence, but I thought there would be 72 virgi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a United States Marine Corps General.

As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in
America ."
<...

What do you do if your Islamic dog bites you?

Muslim

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

What was the Islamic Star Wars fan for Halloween?

Hijabba the Hut

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

I used to think that Islamic countries were tight on their drug laws...

...but that can't be right. They still let women get stoned, don't they?

You know what I have to say about Islamic dietary restrictions?

HA LAL

What do you call a group of Islamic people living in poor housing?

Muslums

What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?

Haram Bay

What’s the difference between an islamic hide out and an Afghan pine nut farm?

I don’t know, I just fly the drones.

A top Islamic cleric today condemned President Trump for being anti muslim

Trump tweeted back 'This is just fakir news'

My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones.

We're very SIM Allah.

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."



Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

(Late Joke) Islamic State: People who are currently in Cuba,

You are all in Fidel's.

.

Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I figured out why so many Islamic Terrorists hate Americans.

It's because we all have our dicks out for haram babes

A islamic dial ripoff made a new type of hand soap.

Aloe Akbar.

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