Why does the Dalai Lama go to Vegas so often?

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He loves Tibet.

A man walks into a pizza shop and the guy behind the counter is the Dalai Lama...

...The guy, incredulous, says, “Your Holiness, you run a pizza shop?!”

The Dalai Lama replies, “Yes, I’ve always said that work is good for the spirit”.

The guy replies “I see,” then thinks for a moment and says, “Can you make me one with everything?”

I tried calling the spiritual leader of Tibet.

I was sent a goat with a long neck. Turns out I was calling Dial a lama.

What do you call a painting of the Dalai Lama?

Master Peace.

Why did the Dalai Lama download the gambling app?

He'd heard they had an introductory offer that would make it Free Tibet.

A Dalai Lama walks into a pizza place...

He asks, "Can you make me one with everything?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Doritos secured an endorsement deal with the Dalai Lama?

He’s going to be the Chip-monk

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop...

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and asks "Can you make me one with everything?"

The pizza vendor fixes a pizza and hands it to the Dalai Lama, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Dalai La...

My cousin from the south said we should kill every Muslim who owns a lama.

I think he is lamaphobe.

Okay, Lama spelled with one 'L' is a holy man in Tibet. With two 'L's, a llama is a South American pack animal.

So, what is a three 'L' lama?

A big fire in Boston.

A rich man wants to meet the Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is in New York City walking with his entourage down Fifth Avenue. A rich man comes out to meet him. He's trying to push his way through the throngs of adoring people but the Dalai Lama's procession is moving too quickly. The rich man is running next to the crowd trying to catch up wi...

How does Dalai Lama send emails?

With no attachments.

Today is the Dali Lamas 82nd birthday but he couldn't decide if he wanted a vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry birthday cake...

...so he decided to be made one with everything.

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

The vendor does and says "That'll be $5.50" and the Lama hands him a $10. After a moment, the Lama is still standing there with his hand out, and asks "Where's my change?" To which the hot dog vendor says, "Change comes from within."

Where in the supermarket would you find the Dalai Lama?

Eggs-aisle.

A Buddhist monk turns to the Dalai Lama for an answer.

A Buddhist monk was pondering what is the difference between a woman and a pearl, but couldn't figure it out. He gave up and decided to ask the Dalai Lama.

"Hmm, interensting question, young grasshopper - said the Dalai Lama. I do not know, but if you give me three days to meditate on this, ...

The Pope is doing a cross word with the Dalai Lama and needs a four letter word for a woman that ends with the three letters "UNT".

The Dalai Lama thinks real hard... "Four letter word.. woman... last three letters are UNT... hmmm... UNT... no... can't... wait a minute, it's 'Aunt'!

"Aunt! Of course!" laughs the Pope, "Do you have an eraser?"

In 1240 CE, the Mongols invaded Tibet

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Richard Gere starts searching for meaning of life.

I translated this joke from my native Serbian language, spelling might not be perfect. Ok.

Richard Gere starts searching for meaning of life. He learn that there is in Texas one very smart guy, and that he can help him, he goes there and ask him "Can you tell me what is meaning of life?".
...

There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders

I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.

If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have?

The Daily Lama

Lee decides that he wants to find his place in the intricacy of the universe, and leaves his family to become a Buddhist monk...

He treks for days into the mountains, before finding a monastery, hundreds of miles from civilization. He enters the monastery, and bowing before the lama, requests to become a monk.

The lama accepts, but on one condition; he must only speak two words every five years. Still determined as eve...

Topical Jokes (5/20)

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit...

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