The Dalai Lama is working with Peruvian engineers to move llamas more efficiently…

It’s the Dalai Lamas’ llama dolly.

What happened when the Dalai Lama tried to return to Tibet?

It created Lhasa problems

The Dalai Lama walked into a pizzeria

He asked them to make him one with everything.

If a Lama with one L is a holy man in Tabet, and a 2 L's is a beast of burden, then what is a three L Lama?

A big fire in Boston

Elon Musk, Cristiano Ronaldo, a mailman, and the Dalai Lama are in a plane when suddenly they enter some extremely rough turbulence.

The pilot enters the room and says “Bad news, the plane is damaged too bad to fix. We have maybe 5 minutes before we’re going to have to abandon the plane.” Unfortunately, when they grab the parachutes, they see that one of them has an enormous rip through the middle and is unusable, which leaves f...

Dalai Lama joke

The Dalai Lama gets a job in convenience store.
A customer buys 3 bottles of water and gives him a $100 bill.

Dalai Lama: Thank you come back again.
Customer: Wait, where's my change?
Dalai Lama: Son, change comes from within.

His holiness the Dalai Lama

Sent an email to Xi Jinping.

Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.

It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.

Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.

"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at the urinal when the Dalai Lama walks in and stands next to him.

The man is shocked. He then proceeds to ask, "Oh Your Holiness, may I ask of your wisdom?", the Dalai Lama replies, "Yes my son, you need to look down."

Taken aback, the man asks, "So you mean I need to look deep down into my being?", the Dalai Lama replies, "No my son, you need to look down ...

Dalai lama goes to Walmart

Dalai lama goes to Walmart and buys a chocolate and pays it with 5$
And the man behind the counter says "here is your change!"
And Dalai lama replies "No, change must come from within"

Dalai Lama walks in to a Garden Centre and calmly wanders* around.

After some time an employee notices him placing something in to a small container of soil. Confused as to what he's just seen he approaches The Dalai Lama and asks him "Can I help you with anything, what exactly are you looking for?". The Dalai Lama replies enthusiastically "Peace on earth!". "Ah, I...

Dalai Lama goes shopping, and he hands over a $100 bill

Moments later he politely asks for his change.

"Change comes from within", said the cashier

A Catholic bishop, a Hebrew rabbi and a Buddhist lama were sitting in a boat and fishing.

The rabbi looked at his watch and said: "Hey, it's lunch time, there's a restaurant on the shore, I'll go and eat there".
He stepped overboard and walked to the shore on the surface of the lake as if it was solid.

The lama watched him and said: "Yeah, I'll also go and have a lunch". ...

A man walks into a pizza shop and the guy behind the counter is the Dalai Lama...

...The guy, incredulous, says, “Your Holiness, you run a pizza shop?!”

The Dalai Lama replies, “Yes, I’ve always said that work is good for the spirit”.

The guy replies “I see,” then thinks for a moment and says, “Can you make me one with everything?”

Why is the Dalai Lama suffering from a gambling addiction?

Because he loves Tibet.

I followed the Dalai Lama on Twitter, but he didn’t follow me back

He’s very self centered

What do you call a painting of the Dalai Lama?

Master Peace.

Okay, Lama spelled with one 'L' is a holy man in Tibet. With two 'L's, a llama is a South American pack animal.

So, what is a three 'L' lama?

A big fire in Boston.

My cousin from the south said we should kill every Muslim who owns a lama.

I think he is lamaphobe.

How does Dalai Lama send emails?

With no attachments.

Why did the Dalai Lama download the gambling app?

He'd heard they had an introductory offer that would make it Free Tibet.

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop...

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and asks "Can you make me one with everything?"

The pizza vendor fixes a pizza and hands it to the Dalai Lama, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Dalai La...

The Dalai Lama walks into a Subway...

Greetings, Sandwich Artist!

*Hello, sir. How can I help you today? *

I'd like a Chicken, Bacon Ranch sandwich. Footlong on Honey Wheat.

*Would you like that toasted? *

Yes, please.

*(Worker places sandwich in oven, pulling it out as it finishes the toasting) So ho...

A rich man wants to meet the Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is in New York City walking with his entourage down Fifth Avenue. A rich man comes out to meet him. He's trying to push his way through the throngs of adoring people but the Dalai Lama's procession is moving too quickly. The rich man is running next to the crowd trying to catch up wi...

Where in the supermarket would you find the Dalai Lama?

Eggs-aisle.

Today is the Dali Lamas 82nd birthday but he couldn't decide if he wanted a vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry birthday cake...

...so he decided to be made one with everything.

A Buddhist monk turns to the Dalai Lama for an answer.

A Buddhist monk was pondering what is the difference between a woman and a pearl, but couldn't figure it out. He gave up and decided to ask the Dalai Lama.

"Hmm, interensting question, young grasshopper - said the Dalai Lama. I do not know, but if you give me three days to meditate on this, ...

It’s the Dalai Lama’s birthday today

Many happy returns!

In 1240 CE, the Mongols invaded Tibet

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i...

I tried calling the spiritual leader of Tibet.

I was sent a goat with a long neck. Turns out I was calling Dial a lama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Duck in the Bottle

A man is on a quest for true enlightenment. His travels led him to sit with the Dalai Lama.

Man: Sir, do you have the answer for enlightenment?

The religious figure walks away but comes back with a bottle and a duck.

He hands both to the man and tells him,

"The day yo...

Lee decides that he wants to find his place in the intricacy of the universe, and leaves his family to become a Buddhist monk...

He treks for days into the mountains, before finding a monastery, hundreds of miles from civilization. He enters the monastery, and bowing before the lama, requests to become a monk.

The lama accepts, but on one condition; he must only speak two words every five years. Still determined as eve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Richard Gere starts searching for meaning of life.

I translated this joke from my native Serbian language, spelling might not be perfect. Ok.

Richard Gere starts searching for meaning of life. He learn that there is in Texas one very smart guy, and that he can help him, he goes there and ask him "Can you tell me what is meaning of life?".
...

There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders

I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.

If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have?

The Daily Lama

Topical Jokes (5/20)

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit...

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