Lama Jokes

Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."

Because he loves Tibet.

if i was a Tibetan man

Because he got up on the wrong side of Tibet.

"Can you make me one with everything?"

A big fire in Boston

Sent an email to Xi Jinping.

Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.

It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.

Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.

"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai... read more

With no attachments.

Dalai lama goes to Walmart and buys a chocolate and pays it with 5$
And the man behind the counter says "here is your change!"
And Dalai lama replies "No, change must come from within"

It's called "Rapping Presence".

It created Lhasa problems

It’s the Dalai Lamas’ llama dolly.

It's a ***karma***\-seeking post.

After some time an employee notices him placing something in to a small container of soil. Confused as to what he's just seen he approaches The Dalai Lama and asks him "Can I help you with anything, what exactly are you looking for?". The Dalai Lama replies enthusiastically "Peace on earth!". "Ah, I... read more

Moments later he politely asks for his change.

"Change comes from within", said the cashier

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and asks "Can you make me one with everything?"

The pizza vendor fixes a pizza and hands it to the Dalai Lama, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Dalai La... read more

He'd heard they had an introductory offer that would make it Free Tibet.

Master Peace.

The Dalai Lama is in New York City walking with his entourage down Fifth Avenue. A rich man comes out to meet him. He's trying to push his way through the throngs of adoring people but the Dalai Lama's procession is moving too quickly. The rich man is running next to the crowd trying to catch up wi... read more

Eggs-aisle.

He’s very self centered

...The guy, incredulous, says, “Your Holiness, you run a pizza shop?!”

The Dalai Lama replies, “Yes, I’ve always said that work is good for the spirit”.

The guy replies “I see,” then thinks for a moment and says, “Can you make me one with everything?”

The rabbi looked at his watch and said: "Hey, it's lunch time, there's a restaurant on the shore, I'll go and eat there".
He stepped overboard and walked to the shore on the surface of the lake as if it was solid.

The lama watched him and said: "Yeah, I'll also go and have a lunch". ... read more

I think he is lamaphobe.

The pilot enters the room and says “Bad news, the plane is damaged too bad to fix. We have maybe 5 minutes before we’re going to have to abandon the plane.” Unfortunately, when they grab the parachutes, they see that one of them has an enormous rip through the middle and is unusable, which leaves f... read more

''Talking about lamas...did you know lamas have their own newspaper? It's called the Daily Lama.''

A Buddhist monk was pondering what is the difference between a woman and a pearl, but couldn't figure it out. He gave up and decided to ask the Dalai Lama.

"Hmm, interensting question, young grasshopper - said the Dalai Lama. I do not know, but if you give me three days to meditate on this, ... read more

So, what is a three 'L' lama?

A big fire in Boston.

He treks for days into the mountains, before finding a monastery, hundreds of miles from civilization. He enters the monastery, and bowing before the lama, requests to become a monk.

The lama accepts, but on one condition; he must only speak two words every five years. Still determined as eve... read more

...so he decided to be made one with everything.

Dolly Llamas

I was sent a goat with a long neck. Turns out I was calling Dial a lama.

Davai Lama

The Daily Lama

I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i... read more

Welcome back, everybody! We've got some more news and, thus, more jokes. Let's get started.

Right off the bat, more on President Obama. Following a week of scandals, President Obama played golf with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. Things got a little tense when Obama had IRS agents audit... read more