Bewar this chinese takeaway

Hate to do this about a family run restaurant, but feel you deserve to know. ** Be aware **
We ordered a Chinese takeaway from this place (we won't name them while its being investigated) we went to pick it up and as we were driving home, we heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
We thought ...

A Chinese takeaway order is about 25 dollars. The price of gas to get there and back is about 3 dollars.

Realising that you forgot one of the containers at the shop is riceless.

Who delivers Indian takeaway to you?

Postman Chaat.


I’ll get my coat.

Had an excellent meal last night at this cosy little Christian restaurant near us called "The Lord Giveth"

They also do takeaways.

I went to a restaurant called The Lord Giveth.

He also does takeaway

I got a new job working in a cafeteria. I asked the guy I was serving if he wanted to eat in or takeaway and he told me to f*ck off!

I love working in the prison canteen!

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

What do you call a delivery driver from an indian takeaway?

A curryier.

Just ordered a Chinese takeaway

It was delivered by this little chinese guy,
I opened the door before he got there and he started yelling "ISOLATE! ISOLATE!"

I said "don't worry about it, i only ordered it 20 minutes ago"

Indian takeaway - £20. Cost of delivery - £2. Finding out they've forgotten part of your order...

Riceless!

I bought a Chinese takeaway last night

On the drive home I saw the bag was rustling. I looked inside and saw two eyes staring back at me. Panicked, I thought it was a rat or a mouse.

I pulled it out the bag as quick as possible.

Turns out it was just a Peking Duck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chinese Takeaway £24

Petrol to pick it up £2

Getting home and realising one of the useless twats have forgotten one of your containers

Riceless.

Thanks to Uber Eats, ordering Chinese takeaway for a picnic is as easy as a

wok in the park.

An Irish man calls a Chinese takeaway after a night in the pub

*phone rings*

Chinese takeaway: "Hello, Wan-King"

Irishman: "Oh Christ I'll call you back in 10 minutes"

My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.

So tonight I’m going to make it up to her.

I’ve got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.

When she gets in from work I’m going to order her favorite takeaway which we’ll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.

Then afterwards I’m going ...

Major takeaway of the USA 2016 presidential elections...

...Mexicans

Jesus meets the disciples at the table...

...and he sees a massive spread of Chinese takeaway dishes laid out in front of them.

"Where did all this food come from?" Jesus asks.

Matthew replies "This was ordered by Judas, apparently he came into a load of money recently."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

One day, a bus driver woke up late and didnt have time for breakfast.

Nor did he have time to pack lunch.

And, that was the day he was to drive a bus full of elderly to a rural town. Many miles from any form of takeaway food places.

As it grew later in the day he grew hungrier and hungrier. Lunch time came and went and he was starving.

A little...

Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got?

They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently, I've managed to get really into crosswords.

Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'l...

A guy orders a burger and chips.

“I’ll have a burger and chips please” says a guy.

“Are you eating in or do you want it takeaway?” I ask.

“Get f*cked c*nt!” Says the guy as he grabs his food and walks away.

I love working in the prison canteen.

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Brits

They drive a German Cars.

They go to Irish Pubs.

To drink Belgium beer.

They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back.

They sit on Swedish furniture.

To watch American films.

On a Japanese TV.


Most of all though they are suspicious of all thi...

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..

"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.

"It may be time to take away her life support."

Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt uprigh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As i walked my girlfriend home

Walking the girlfriend home from her weightwatchers class last night, I held her close as we went through a nasty-looking underpass system in the rough end of town.

As we turned a corner, I locked eyes with a filthy tramp eating someone's discarded takeaway from a bin.

"Look at that po...

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