Thanks to a very healthy lifestyle, a married couple live well into their 100s

One day they are both killed in a tragic accident, and go to heaven.

On the first morning, they go up to God and ask where the gym is. "Gym?" God replies, "you don't need to go to the gym here, you'll always be in perfect shape even if you never exercise." The wife says how nice that is, but...

A new sunscreen called Sun-Off has been causing skin rashes on people's bellies after application.

It's a real Sun-Off Ab Itch

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

Why are there so many rednecks in Florida?

Because sunscreen instructions include: “apply liberally”

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sunscreen on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

I didn't get the job at the sunscreen company.

They said you can always reapply.

Whats an Irishman use as sunscreen?

A pub!

(I know, its an old one)

What do you call sunscreen in Ireland?

Pubs

Real men don't wear sunscreen.

They cry at night.

My sunscreen said to "apply liberally"...

...so i cried about Trump while i put it on.

I can't believe I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach....

...boy was my face red.

A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop...

“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”

“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”

The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who noot at him.

“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I nee...

If you have a friend that can’t put sunscreen on their back and is self conscious about it,

Don’t rub it in

Why are conservatives known as rednecks?

They don’t use sunscreen because the bottle says to apply liberally.

Another one!

Two llamas were preparing to go on a trip, one asked "Did you pack Sunscreen yet?" the other responded with "No, but Alpaca few."

A California guy buys some used SCUBA gear...

Eager to try it out, he drives down to the beach, throws on some sunscreen, pulls on his wetsuit and heads out into the surf.

He’s only under water for a minute when he suddenly can’t get any air! Coughing and choking he barely makes it back to the beach. A surfer sees him and says, “Someth...

So Pete, Joe, and Dave are planning their desert hiking/camping trip.

Dave ask Pete what he was bringing.

"Well, my tent, lil cooker, some water and a bottle of Irish whiskey... in case of rattlesnakes."

Dave ask Joe what he was bringing. "Water, sunscreen, my pack, extra socks and a bottle of Scotch whiskey... in case of rattlesnakes."

The two ot...

Like A Diamond

Tom and his two best friends, Jerry and Bill, are talking.

“You know fellas,” said Tom, “the other day I heard this guy say to his crush that he always had to wear sunscreen and shades around her.”

“Why was that” asked Jerry

“Because she was too hot”

“And the shades?” ask...

Yo momma so fat...

She use ranch as sunscreen.

A man is in love with a woman who shares the same birthday with him (July 22)

He wanted so badly to impress this woman. But they had nothing in common except for the zodiac sign that they shared, which oddly enough she was named after.

He smoked cigarettes to look cool. Got a job in a nuclear power-plant to sound more interesting. Refused to wear sunscreen on a sunny d...

What's the difference between a hillbilly and a redneck?

Sunscreen.

"Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?"

"Nope. Have you seen my dad glasses?"

It wasn't worth it to ask him if he had any sunscreen...

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

Seasonal Jokes

Spring
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
Summer
Q: What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer?
A: A hot dog!
Q: Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A: Because they peel.
Fall
Q. How you mend a broken pumpkin?
A. With a pumpk...

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