A man walked into the ER with severe burns and blisters to both sides of his face.

He was quickly admitted. The attending physician asked him, “how on earth did you burn your face so badly?”

The man reluctantly began his explanation. “It’s actually kind of embarrassing doc. See my wife is out of town this week, and so I’m having to do my own cooking...”

“Ah, I see...

Did you hear about the sickly magician with blisters and bad breath?

He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

All of my coworkers seem to have large blisters on their skin.

I think it's a staff infection.

Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day

Husband: Well next time take the car then silly

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

What would James Charles say if he were a shoe that doesn't fit?

Hi blisters!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Midwest Diary...

Aug. 1

Moved to our new home in Chicago. It is so beautiful here.

The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered

with snow. I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 14

Chicago is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are

turning all different colo...

A patient is being seen by her doctor for an emergency visit...

"Doctor," croaks the patient, barely able to speak, "I'm in terrible pain! I made one of those frozen pizzas, and then ate it before it cooled down. I burned my throat terribly!"

The doctor, skeptical, checks the patient's mouth. He's shocked to see *extensive* burns throughout her mouth, and...

Defective Turtle

A little boy walks into a pet store carrying a turtle. He goes up to the guy at the counter and says "Meester... I bought this turtle here yesterday but he's defective". The man looks down at the kid and asks "Defective? What's the matter with him?". The boy responds, "He's got bleesters on he's fee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a sex addict, and a pothead...

Three guys go to hell. A fat guy, a sex addict, and a pothead.

The devil goes up to these guys and says - listen, I'm feeling nice today. I'm going to let each of you choose ONE thing and I'll lock you away in a room for a thousand years with it. The guys all look at each other in disbelief, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tale of Paul and Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w...

Mahatma Ghandi never wore shoes...

Gandhi never wore shoes, and so his feet were always covered in loads of callouses and blisters. And because he never ate food, he was always very frail. Furthermore his fasting caused him to have horrible breath. So...

I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by ha...

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