Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on ...

When they didn't accept my discount, I gave my local tanning salon a low rating...

It seemed a little shady to me.

Why didn't sin and tan go to the party?

Just cos

What do Thanos and trigonometry have in common

SinNos/CosNos=TanNos

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One morning, a guy was looking at his beautiful body in the mirror.

He realized he was getting a nice tan all over, except on his dick. But how to tan only his penis without over tanning his body?
So he had an idea. He went to the beach, buried himself in the sand completely except for his penis, which was sticking out of the sand.


Later, two old ladi...

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So I was dating this one blonde girl and decided that I was going to tan

So I was dating this blonde girl and decided that I was going to tan before we went to dinner that night. So I got out on my roof,fully nude, and laid out. While laying on my back, I accidentally fell asleep on the roof, causing me to get a BAD sunburn everywhere including my pecker. However, I didn...

Hair Salons, Tanning Salons, Gyms, Spas, The Clinique Counter...

All closed.

It's getting ugly out there.

Three light-skinned gentlemen walked into a tanning salon

They were looking to get their tan. The owner of the salon were happy to recieve them and asked them what tans they wanted.

The first gentleman said he wanted a light tan, so the salon owner led him to a tanning bed that was colored caramel.

The second gentleman said he wanted a gold...

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Superman is flying around the world, bored out of his mind, looking for some excitement...

As he zips past the beaches of Brazil, he looks down and sees Wonder Woman, completely naked, legs spread, laying on her back catching a tan.

At that moment, he thinks to himself how long it’s been since he last got laid. He then says to himself, “I’m Superman! I can fly down there in a split...

Just got back from the tanning bed

Guess that’s not what my wife meant by get some Sunny D.

Is it a sin to make math jokes?

Cos if so, tan I’m sorry.

PresidentTrump is completely right about coronavirus treatment.

If you eat chloroquine phosphate, drink a pint of Chlorox, shoot-up rubbing alcohol, shove a flashlight up your ass, and crash on a tanning bed, you will never get Covid-19.

I’m opening a new tanning salon in Africa.

Im going to call it Tanzania. (Tans in ‘ere)

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

Growing out of the ground

A fit man was admiring his physique in a full length mirror. While naked, he realized that he didn’t have an ‘all over’ tan. He decided to go to the beach the next day to get a tan. He buried himself in the sand with just his twig and berries exposed.

Two old women were walking by when the on...

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[NSFW] Two brothers are lost in the jungle.

And they get captured by natives. The chief tells one of the brothers that he can do or have anything he wants (except leave) for the next 24 hours, after which he will be flayed alive and his skin tanned to make their canoes.

The brother has sex with all the beautiful women of the tribe and ...

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

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When you get a spray tan for Hannukah

you make orange Jews

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Kids swearing too much

*I was just reminded of this joke from my high school years. I haven't seen it here but apologies in advance if it was posted in the past.*

A mother is frustrated with three boys constantly swearing, so she tells them that there will be harsh consequences for cursing starting tomorrow. The ne...

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A man was getting a tan on a nudist beach when a young girl walks towards him...

Because he found it indecent to be fully nude in front of the little girl, he covered his groin with his hat.
"What's underneath that hat?" the girl asked. "Nothing special, just a little birdy" the man replied.

The girl insisted on seeing the birdy, and the man told her no, so she walk...

How'd the leprochaun get a tan?

Cirrhosis.

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So this guys goes to the doctor because he is often delirious

The doctor says;

“Listen, take this syringe, go home, and inject some anti-bacterial dish soap RIGHT into your veins”

The guys says “Ok” then goes home and does exactly that.

The next day he returns and says “Doctor, i did what you said, and it made my penis shrivel into a lit...

Two men walk into a bar in Alaska.

Two men walk into a bar in Alaska whereupon entering they see a beautiful woman dressed in furs, with tan skin and black hair sitting by herself. They remark to one another about how beautiful she is when one of the men decide to go and talk to her. After a moment or two, who solemnly returns to his...

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Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....

He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.

Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it.
So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.

Wonderwoman: Did you feel tha...

I took part in the sun tanning Olympics

...I got the bronze

A woman tanning on the beach sees Michael Jackson.

She says “Hey, get out of my son”

today, i learned that "Donald Trump" is an anagram of "Tan Dump Lord"

...it's like his parents knew all along

I have no chance of getting the Corona virus...

However, the Black and Tan virus is a very real concern for me....

As a ginger person, I find tanning to be easy

I just go sit underneath the full moon.

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What do you get when you divide (Sin B) by (Tan B)?

You get roofies, cuffs and a sore butthole

A trigonometric ratio goes to the beach

It wanted to get a tan

My math teacher never goes outside.

I can tell, cos there’s no sin of his tan.

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

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As a Scottish man I like getting a tan when I go on holiday.

It's the only time my hand is the same colour as my dick.

Where does the cow go to get a tan?

Is-tan-bul

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Deer Camp

The guys were all at a deer camp.

No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a...

Why do Catholics and Irish people always fail trigonometry?

Because the catholics are afraid of Sin and the Irish people can't Tan.

My friend wanted to give me a tan

They wrote sin/cos on my hand.

What happens when a crematory and a tanning salon share a building?

A fifth degree burn

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These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heaven

When they get there, St. Peter greets them and tells them, "We only have one rule here in heaven. Don't step on the ducks."

So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It's almost impossible not to step on a duck there's so many, and though they try their...

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty...

Why didn't the triangle go outside to get a tan?

Cos the sine said so!

I was tanning on the beach with my son.

After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."

"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.

He said, "No, you're just really ugly."

A man is tanning at a nudist beach...

And a young girl who was playing with the seagulls ran up to him. Pointing to his nether regions she asked what that was and why lots of the people have them. The man not wanting to explain the reproductive system to some little girl said that it is his pet bird, pointing to his genitalia he said th...

Tanning Blondes

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks
Are you two sisters?
They laughed and replied, No we're not even Catholic.

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How do black people tan?

Holding their hands up

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

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Two bananas were tanning when a piece of poop floats by..

So there were two bananas tanning on the beach when a piece of poop floats by. The poop yells " hey the waters great, get in". The banana turns to the other banana and says " do you believe that shit".

I was planning on getting a tan

But now that Trumps President there is a high chance I'll get deported if I'm too dark

A woman decides to go home with a guy she met at a club one night

He's tall, tanned, strikingly handsome, and seems different than most other guys she meets.

Upon arrival at his place they head straight to the bedroom where she can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears.

On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle shelf are medium-siz...

Three people die and go to Heaven.

When they arrive, Saint Peter tells them, "We have one rule here. It's fairly simple: don't step on the ducks."

The three guys enter Heaven, and the first thing they see is that Heaven is *OVERFLOWING* with ducks. It is literally impossible to not step on a duck. Despite this, they try their ...

What's the difference between a white girl who likes to tan and a burger?

They both need to be flipped every 10 mins, but only one turns pink when its done.

For girls who are trying to tan...

I'll teach you how to sin ;)

Why did the mathematician ignore the tan lady on the beach?

He was too concerned with the tan gent.

What’s the most mathematical aspect of summer?

The tan lines

Why did the Devil go to the beach?

To get a Sa-tan.

If Jesus Christ died for our sins...

then who died for our cos and tans?

I fell asleep on a tanning bed...

Now I'm out of my grandfather's will

Last week I competed in the World Tanning Championships..

I came out with a Bronze..

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

I just turned down a girl because of the colour of her skin.

Can't be dealing with her terrible fake tan.

A thief stole a sine and a cosine.

He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry.  He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.

He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosin...

Whats the capital of math?

Cos-Tan-Sinopel

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Everyone is shitting on Trump for not attending the ceremony, but they all forget that

fake tan and rain don't go well together.

How does the devil tempt vacationing mathematicians?

He says "Wanna work on your tan? Cos all you have to do is sin!"

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

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Logic 101

Mitch sees Nick, an old friend, and walks up to him: "Where have you been? Haven't seen you for a while at the pub. Wanna join us on the card game tonight?"

"I can't. I have a lecture in an hour."

"A lecture? Aren't you too old to study?"

"You're never too old to study the logic...

Learn to speak Chinese

1) That’s not right ………………….. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?…………. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………….. Kum Hia Nao
4) Small Horse ……………………. Tai Ni Po Ni
5) Did you go to the beach? ………… Wai Yu So Tan
6) I bumped into a coffee table …….. Ai Bang Mai ...

The story of the tramp and the holiday

The tramp sat in his park, as normal one cold winter day. He saw a young girl playing on the frozen lake. The ice gave and she fell in. Acting quickly, the tramp ran onto the ice and managed to pull her out and get her back to shore.

Waiting for him was a man in a suit. The girl ran over to h...

Geometry is the work of satan.

It makes people sin.

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In a recent interview, Melania Trump was asked if she bleaches her asshole

Her response: "No, he gets spray-tanned."

A lot of people think a world without sin would be perfect

But there's only so much you can solve with cos and tan

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

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A man lies naked on the beach...

But because his private parts aren't as tanned as the rest of his body, he place a hat on it. A few minutes later a lady walks by, fully nude. The lady jokinly said to the man "Well, if you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for me..." The man answered in return "Well, m'lady, the hat would ...

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NSFW. I always think it’s cute when my girlfriend and I say the same thing at the same time...

So one day her and I are in bed and we’re both feeling rather frisky. When things are getting hot and heavy she looks at me and says “You should put it in my bum, but go slow because it’s tight”
I ask her if she’s sure, and she reassures me it’s fine, as long as I take it easy.
So I put my t...

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