A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.

I didn't want to hurt myself, but it was a particularly gloomy rainy day. I wasn't in the best of mood lately. My hands were full of blood now, and yet I still had this itching urge to hurt, to kill...

those damned mosquitoes.

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan


the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser....

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

A man went to the doctor about rectal itching.

After the exam he asked the doctor "Is it hemmorhoids?".

The doctor replied "That's how they started, but they have grown a good deal. I think I would call these meatier rhoids".

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A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

Engineers gonna engineer

A scientist, a mathematician, and an engineer end up stranded on a small island inhabited by some very reclusive locals. They find themselves in jail the next day for breaking some obscure law that nobody can really explain.

They're sentenced to death. Not that their "crime" was all that sev...

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Little Johnny's penis starts to itch while his mom registers him for summer camp...

...so he scratches the itch. The counselor and his mother both see this, and his mom chastises him.

"It's not appropriate to do that to yourself in public or private, honey. I don't wanna see you ever scratching yourself in public again."

"Okay mom." Johnny says.

Later, Little ...

My nose is itching, could you please scratch it

>!Ahh... feels good, thanks for the scratch!<

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

The royal calligrapher's apprentice.

In the late 1400s there was a young man named Pablo. He was apprenticed to the royal calligrapher for the king of Spain. One day the royal calligrapher gathered his apprentices for a lesson.

"Any letter penned for his majesty must be penned with Ink made here in Spain! It would be a trav...

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Man with one arm.

Once upon a time there was a man who had lost his arm in a car accident. Losing his arm made him lose his job and made him very sad . He looked for work everywhere but he was not able to find and this made him very depressed. He tried to take his life one day by jumping off a building. Looking down...

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A 70 year old guy goes to see his doctor

He tells the doctor he got himself a 22 year old sugar baby and is having sex 3 times a week.

The doctor asks if he has any aching joints or pain, and the guy tells him no.

The doctor then asks if he thinks he has an STD, or has had any itching, and the guy says no, and goes on to say ...

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A man with no arms

A war veteran has lost his left arm in the battle.He spent months trying to get over it but he is still depressed about it.
One day, he saw a man with no arms,but he was jumping and running on the street and seems happy.
Veteran approached to him and asked;
-I lost my left arm in battle and...

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The waiter's thumb

One day John goes to a restaurant and orders a cup of coffee. The waiter gets it and keeps it on the table. John notices that the waiter had put his thumb in the coffee on the way to his table. He gets irritated and asks the waiter.

Waiter explains, "I have a skin infection on the finger so ...

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There once was a man who had just recently lost his arm.

He hated having lost an arm and was struggling with depression from it,

one day he was out walking when he saw a man who had lost both arms,

the man was dancing, swinging his body around, so he asks the man,

"I recently lost my arm and I'm so sad because of it, how come that you...

At the movie theater a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was playing with herself furiously.

He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She agreed, and the man started fingering her like crazy.

When he became tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands.

"Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly.

"You...

When I make love it's like a misquito bite

You don't feel anything until the itching starts.

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A man walks into a saloon, draws his gun and shoots the piano player dead.

“I’ve been itching to do that for a long time,” he says, “that
bloody noise has been driving me mad.”

The barman beckons the man to one side.

“Mind if I give you a bit of advice, Mister? If I were you I
would file off any sharp edges on your gun and grease the
barrel.”

...

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So I was outside of a bar smoking a cigarette...

And I see this man walking an alligator on a leash and harness. As he aproaches the bar to enter, the bouncer stops him and says "hey man, are you serious? You can't bring that gator in here."
The man replies "come on he's on a leash and he is very well trained. I just want to grab one drink and ...

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Chinese prostitute

A guy went to China and while there he met a very exotic woman who he ended up having sex with him. While it was the best sex he ever had, his penis started itching and then started to swell. When he got back to the States, he went to his urologist. By then it was turning purple black and was very ...

Memorial service

I was at my friends memorial service and after a few wonderful eulogies the minister asked would anybody else like to say something.

I was itching to say something so I rose and asked whats the wi-fi password at this place.

The shocked minister replied - Sir! Have you no shame?

...

John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.

Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princ...

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A young comedian wanted to make himself famous, so he covered the interior of his house with Jokes

He wrote down every joke he ever knew on a paper each and taped them to everything in his house: the floor, the walls, the couch....etc.

However there was one joke which he thought was lame, so he threw it away somewhere in his house and forgot about it.

The Comedian started inviting s...

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A drunk Guy goes to the doctor with a totally orange penis.

doc asks the guy, “Any itching?”


“No.”

“Used any weird lotions or creams?”

“No.”

“Is this recent?”

“Oh, the last few weeks, since I got a new job.”

“Anything different about your routine since the new job?”
...

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Bob had one hand and was depressed.....

Bob felt inadequate because he was missing a limb. He always felt incomplete and insignificant.

One day his friend, Fred, took him to a park and they noticed a person with no arms dancing around like crazy.

Fred shamed Bob regarding his outlook on life and said he should be more like t...

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What does Edward Penis-hand fears the most?

An itching butt.

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A minister wants to lick his queen's bosom

He asks Tenali Raman to help him achieve this desire. Tenali says he will help him out, but only for a fee. The minister pays him half the gold then and promises the rest once his desire has been fulfilled. Tenali agrees.

Tenali goes to the palace washerman, bribes him and gets him to put a s...

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Once upon a time...

...there lived a great ruler in India, Emperor Akbar. This great emperor had the most beautiful wife in all the realms.

At the palace, there lived a certain Ahmed who was a low-ranking official. He took a liking to the queen, and his greatest desire was to kiss the queen's gorgeous breasts....

With all the attention on preparing unusual foods in the smoker (hikory smoked mustard, maple smoked ice cream, etc.) I thought up a great idea for a smoked breakfast cereal.

We'll call them "Mesquite O's" the cereal with a bite! They'll leave you itching for more!

Do you think we can stir up some buzz about it?

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NSFW The Voodoo Dick.

A man married to a nymphomaniac is going on a business trip, and he is worried his wife is going to cheat on him. So he decides to buy her a toy in the hopes of keeping her satisfied until he gets back. He goes to the neighborhood sex shop and explains his situation the the store owner. The owner gr...

When Juan told me he was scratching himself during a questionnaire, I was surprised.

After all, nobody expects the Spanish in-quiz itching.

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

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A man wakes up after a night with a hooker and his crotch is on fire

He keeps itching and itching and looks at the hooker and says, "Bitch! You gave me crabs."

The hooker says, "You gave me 30 bucks. What did you expect, Lobster?"

A question on an internet forum...

A question on an internet forum:

Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.

A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.

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A guy walks into a brothel...

And tells the Madam that his wife hasn't done anything with him in months and that he's starving to get off. The madam kindly let's him know that all of the women are taken, but she leans in close and let's him know that if he's really starving for action that he can go in the far room in the back a...

Christmas Day accident

Grandpa woke up unusually early yesterday to celebrate Christmas with the family. He was half asleep still when went to the restroom to brush his teeth. In the early morning brain fog, he accidentally got his Polident mixed up with his Preparation H.

His gums aren't itching, but now, he can...

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Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

Burlap pants are coming into fashion,

People are just itching to show off the new look.

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Two cowboys decide to go to the town to get laid.

They go to the bar and pick up two sisters. Once they are in the hotel room the girls hand them a couple of condoms. The guys had never seen one, living on the mountain all the time, and they ask what those are supposed to do. The older sister explains to them that they should use these so they don'...

Two blondes from the city

So two blondes live together in the city and have been itching for a new life. They seek a rural and country lifestyle and want to own a farm.

The first blonde pitches to the other the idea of starting a real farm, with a bull as their first animal, for which to plow the fields they're sure ...

Just hope they don't name it after me

My body is all messed up. All messed up I tell ya. It hurts to pee, I can't quit itching my balls...I'm even losing skin on my pecker (and there ain't much to lose I tell ya)...
So I go to my doctor and they do all the std tests known to man.

Two weeks later the doctor calls me back and...

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The 5 Dollar Hooker

A desperate, sex-crazed man has a sudden urge to get his willy-whacked, so he goes downtown to pick up a hooker.

The man finally picks up a hooker and and is on his way to a safe spot away from the city to do his dirty business. When they arrive at their destination, he tells her, "I only hav...

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