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Sued Jokes

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My 18 carat gold butt plug business was sued by Apple

Apparently they have a patent on expensive stuff for arseholes

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

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So a man was sued for libel and slander...

The judge asked, "What's the defendant accused of saying?"

The plaintiff's attorney replied, "He called my client an, and I quote, 'incompetent motherfucker', your honor."

The judge nodded, "And what does the defense plea?"

The defendant's attorney rose, "Not guilty as charged, ...

Donald Trump finds a magic lamp. He rubs it, and a genie comes out.

Genie: "I grant you three wishes."

Trump: "I'm tired of getting sued for everything I do. I want there to be no more courts."

Genie: "Granted. You have no wishes left."

Trump: "What the hell? You told me I had three wishes, and I only used one!"

Genie: "Sue me."

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

Wit...

I sued Delta Airlines for misplacing my luggage

But I lost my case.

Just sued my mom for sending me blanket made by her and her sewing club.

Quilt by Association

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Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

If a parsley farmer gets sued,

can they garnish his wages?

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

A radio shock jock calls a prominent socialite a pig on his radio show and is sued for defamation . . .

He loses at trial and asks the judge "Does this means I can no longer call Mrs. Harris a pig?"

The judge replies "That's what it means"

The jock asks "Can I call a pig Mrs. Harris?"

The judge says "Yes, the First Amendment still allows that".

The jock turns to the plainti...

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''Did you hear about the magician who was sued for sexual harassment? ''

''No. What was his name?''

''David Cop-a-feel.''

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Pornhub was sued a few months ago by xhamster

The trial was long and hard, but ended with a hung jury

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A frustrated man who's being sued goes to the bar...

He walks in, and amidst his frustration, he exclaims, "Lawyers are such assholes!"

Another person shouts out, "Hey! I resent that statement!"

The man responds, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The guy says, "No! I'm an asshole!"

A uninsured monkey crashes car into a man and gets sued for all his bananas.

The monkey is already appealing

I sued the airport the other day because they didn’t want to give me my luggage

Guess what, I lost the case

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

I sued a department store for selling me a broken coffee grinder.

I lost the case; the courts told me I had no grounds.

A man sued a drug company for making him impotent

but his lawyer got him off

The worst part about spring...

Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.

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Mickey has sued Minnie for divorce. Judge: "Mickey, I cannot grant you a divorce just because Minnie is acting silly."

Mickey: "Your honor, I did not say she was acting silly, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Why did the oil covered seagull get sued?

There can only be one goo gull

Diaper companies should be sued for false advertising.

Not once have they held the 22-37 pounds they promised.

A doctor was sued for malpractice due to his horrible temper

Needless to say, that was the day he lost all of his patients.

Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued?

He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.

Man hires a lawyer when he got sued for embezzlement

Lawyer: Relax, you won’t be going to jail with that amount of cash.

The man felt relieved.

Indeed, he was penniless by the time he ended up in jail.

Activists Sued for Copyright Violation after portraying Trump as Jafar in Aladdin Stage Show.

Judge says Pantomime to Tyrancy was Tantamount to Piracy.

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A man sued over an accident he got in while on his horse

During the trial, the defendant's lawyer asked the plaintiff, "after the accident happened, did you or did you not tell a pollixe officer that you've 'never felt better in your life'"

Now, the plaintiff responded "why yes, I do remember saying that," and the entire court room was shocked at ...

The Deep Sea Marine company was sued by a disgruntled customer.

The Deep Sea Marine claimed to be the best at making flawless, impenetrable submarines. Of their five years of service, they were sued only once for a faulty submarine.

"I demand a refund, and more! I almost died!" shouted the customer.

The company was confused entirely, until the law...

Ever hear about that guy who sued the door factory?

It was an open and shut case.

What does Meghan Trainor say when she’s sued for copyright infringement?

Now I’m in treble

An englishman was sued for discrimination after firing all the redheads from his strip club.

He was able to get off Scot-free.

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church.....

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsib...

A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off.

They called it neigh-balm.

a farmer was driving a cart full of vegetables to market when he had a head on collision with a semi

the farmer suffered severe injuries and was in the hospital for several months and was told he would be in pain for the rest of his life. He sued the driver of the semi and they went to court . in court the drivers lawyer asks the farmer

drivers lawyer " when the police arrived did they ask ...

You're so ugly...

You're so ugly that when you were told 'you have a face only a mother could love' your Mum sued them for defamation of character.

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A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator...

Bar man: "You need to leave because if that alligator bites someone I'll get sued!"

Alligator owner: "No no he's tame! Watch I'll prove it."

He then zips down his fly and puts his cock inside the alligators mouth. The alligator keeps its mouth open the whole time. He then zips his pant...

When I was in America, I really got into the culture.

I went into the shop and the guy said ‘Have a nice day’ and I didn’t. So I sued him.

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