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Expedite Jokes

What did the executioner say to the death row inmate who had their execution date expedited?

Boy have I got noose for you...

Just had a quickie in the back of a UPS truck

Oh whoops... They prefer the term "expedited package delivery"

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An arrogant man who often judged others for the slightest misdeeds dies and finds himself waiting in heaven to be judged by god...

A man finds himself in a line to see "God". He can hear the conversations God has with each person as they reach the front of the line. Apparently the Lord is using a particular method to expedite coming up with proper punishments.

"No one knows your sins better than you my child, thus you sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You guys hear about the medication for premature ejaculation?

You can get it with expedited shipping so it should come quickly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

[NSFW] So, three explorers far away from any civilization, deep in jungle fell into deep hole.

Although, they’ve left some notes with their approximate location, if missing, days are going by and still nobody has shown up. No way to get out of hole by themselves, no gps, no bars, can’t reach anyone. Basically, left to die. Weeks go by, no food left, and they are upon moment, when they will ha...

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