My bank called today to notify that my account has been reclassified

Judging by the balance they had to classify it as Satire Account

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Due to coronavirus, an all nude strip club owner put out a sign at the entrance of notifying customers of halted business operations

“Clothed for business”

5:06 AM - I find a dead body on the corner of Main St. and Park Ave. and notify a CSI unit.

5:06 AM - The CSI unit arrives.

5:06 AM - The CSI unit starts collecting samples at the crime scene.

5:06 AM - I notice my watch has stopped.

Please notify if repost. (first)

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied wit...

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Same Lunch Everyday

A Mexican, Armenian, Korean, and Redneck are construction workers. Every day, there is a bell that sounds at 12:00 PM notifying the workers that it is their lunch break. The workers go on with their day and as soon as the bell rings, they grab their lunches and sit together to eat.


The ...

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear AT&T Customer...

We are sending you this letter to notify you that your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

We will be contacting you again soon, thanks for your cooperation.
...

Lindsey was at the country club for his weekly round of golf.

He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... it was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.

...

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

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Special High Intensity Training: It is now and always has been the policy of this company to assure all employees are well trained.

Through our Special High Intensity Training program (SHIT), we have given our employees more SHIT than any other company in the area. If any employee feels that he or she could advance to another position by taking more SHIT, please see your supervisor. Our management specialists are trained to as...

Case of a dead jackass

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying de...

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A priest finds a dead hog in a ditch by the wayside...

Figuring the poor animal has been killed by a careless driver, he calls up the police for someone to come pick up the carcass.

The officer on the other end, not without humor, chucklingly mentions that he thought it was the church's own business to take care of the dead.

"Yes indeed, ...

My fore chief walks in

He said "I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is 41 children have died today in a fire. The good news is it was an orphanage and I don't have any parents to notify."

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A man wins an online lottery of $5000 but finds out her entered the wrong email address.

He comes home disappointed and tells his son to send an email kindly requesting him to transfer all the money to his account, since he is the rightful recipient of the cash prize. However, his panic attack kicks in as he realizes he probably won't accept their request, and he tells his son to just s...

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Paraprosdokians

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

* Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

* We never really g...

I am a victim of cyber bullying

Every day my bank emails me to notify me that my account is under the required threshold. I do not need reminders that I am poor.

Two sisters get $1000 inheritance

They own a ranch with about 100 cows but no bull. They decide to use their inheritance to get a bull so they can expand their ranch. The first sister drives a few towns over to buy the best prize bull in the state but it costs $999. She buys it anyway, knowing that she will only have one dollar left...

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An elderly couple on a cruise . . .

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captain sent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that...

Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend)

Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible.

The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, "We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want t...

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