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Suction Jokes

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An woman was taking a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped over, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Dave. "Dave! Dave!” she yelled. Dave came running in. "Dave, I've fuckin’ suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Holy shit!" he said and tried to pull her up."You're just too heavy girl. I'll go across the road and get Steve"

They came back and they both trie...

I told my son that I found his hamster in our vacuum cleaner.

With tears in his eyes he said, "Please get a new one, daddy..."

"I was thinking the same," I said, "the suction is absolutely terrible."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I put a suction cup dildo on my bookcase for my wife

She slapped me and said "You can go fuck your shelf".

My friend was complaining about her boyfriend.

my friend was complaining about her boyfriend not being able to satisfy her.

i told her i was sending good vibes her way.

the ones with 8 settings and a suction cup that can un-dent a car.

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It’s a bird… errr

A mother and her young son were traveling to school early one morning when they unexpectedly got behind a garbage truck.

After following the garbage truck for a little bit there was trash occasionally falling out of the back of the truck. All of a sudden a giant purple dildo came flying out ...

What trophy do octopuses win as the grand prize in the cephalopod racing tournament?

The Suction Cup

What do an old vacuum cleaner and years of marriage have in common?

Loss of suction.

How do they make bras for octopi?

With suction cups.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Told to me by my boss, quite loudly, while the restaurant was full of customers.

So men are always upset that women don't suck their dick enough. But women are upset about how small dicks have gotten. Well, to fix this problem men have been spending money on penis pumps for years to increase their size. What does the pump do to create this? Suction. So instead of men wasting mon...

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Southern plantation owner once saw his slave peeing in the garden.

A Southern plantation owner once saw his slave peeing in the garden. He was amazed looking at the size of the penis he had.

He called him and asked "How come you black men have such big dongs?"

Slave :Its an ancient secret passed on from our tribe through generations,when you have sex,...

A woman is cleaning her bathroom...

...and slips. She does the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She calls her husband.

"I'm kinda stuck to the floor...".

He tries to lift her, but can't do it. So he calls a plumber.

They both tried to pull her up, to no avail.

So he says "I'm sorry, but ...

Mr T and I were thinking about scaling a glass wall.

We were looking at the standard equipment and the fancy equipment too. I selected the most basic suction device for my ascent, and suggested Mr T do likewise.

He looked at me and said, "I ain't using no plain sucker!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of engineers are unveiling their new invention to a navy admiral

“So from what I can see, it appears to just be a normal submarine” the Admiral says.

“Quite far from it...” the lead engineer responds, “... while it may appear to be your standard submarine. It has quite the trick up it’s selves”

“Well what is it”, the Admiral says excitedly.

“...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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