The 6+ Best Suck Up Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they run into a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing on sacred land and unless they can prove they are descendants of the Gods they will be killed and eaten.

...

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door.

The woman answers, and the salesman says "Lady, I have the best damn vaccuum cleaner in the whole world."

Before she could decline, he invited himself in. "Lady," he said, "This vaccuum cleaner can suck up anything. In fact, if you leave it running, it'll probably suck the carpet up!"

...

I used to be a huge fan of tractors.

When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.

11 years later standing in the do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother could never find a good job because he takes his job to seriously..

This one job he picked up was a door to door salesman selling vacuums in an new estate. so he goes to the first house and knocks on the door. A lady opens the door and he throws shit inside all in the new carpet and says,
“Lady if this vacuum doesn’t suck up That shit, I’ll eat it!” And she repli...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.