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Suckers Jokes

I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am.

"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."

"Why the long clause?" asked the bari...

A guy walks into a bar with his dog.

He take a seat and says, "I can bet $100 to each of you that my dog can talk!"

Everybody agrees to the bet. The guy says, "Spot, speak!" The dog is silent.

"Spot, speak," the guy repeats. The noble dog still doesn't react. Fuming, the guy begrudgingly pays each of the bettors the agree...

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A big, burly dude walks into a bar...

He walks right up to the middle of the bar and orders a shot of the cheapest whiskey they have. He grabs the shot glass, and before he drinks it, he looks to the people on his right and says, "You're all a bunch of cock suckers!" They all sit there stunned. He orders another shot, and before he d...

Straws...

Straws are for suckers.

I don't like people who waste my time.

Damn clock suckers.

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The proper way to call someone a bastard

Fred was about to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer (George) approached and asked if he could join him. Fred said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes.

George said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for fiv...

They say a fool and his money are easily parted, but...

Vacuum repair shops really are for broke suckers.

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Why did God give women boobs and nipples?

To make suckers out of men!

Politics is a compound word

Made up from "poly", Greek, many, and "ticks", English, parasitic blood suckers.

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Three Jews

Three in a camp and a Nazi told them, "I am going to mutilate you by your profession. What do y'all do for a living?"

The first said, "I am a carpenter."
In return the Nazi cut his dick off.

The second said, "I'm a gun Smith."
In return the Nazi shot his dick off.

The Naz...

A joke for Halloween: why are vampires so easy to fool?

Because they're suckers.

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They’re suckers for sushi

Don’t invest in the lollipop business.

That market’s for suckers.

Read the room

Person 1: my grandma died...

Person 2: oh no that’s terrible, I’m so sorr-

Person 3: *enters room* HELLO SUCKERS GUESS
WHO JUST ATE TEN TACOS IN TWO MINUTEs

person 2: bro, stop, read the room

Person 3: but im dyslexic

What did the octopus say when the fisherman cut off its tenticles?

See ya later suckers!

Just saw the price of cigarettes and I realized there's no such thing as a smoker

The cigarette smokes, they are just the suckers

Dave went to the store for a box of mothballs. His closet was infested with moths and he needed a solution.

The next day, Dave returned to buy five more boxes.



“Weren’t you just here yesterday to buy a box of mothballs?” the store clerk asked.



“Yes, but I used up that box already. Those suckers are hard to hit when they start moving!”

Did you hear about the fight at the candy store?

Two suckers got licked.

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Once there was a polar bear named Jerry.

Jerry hated living at the north pole and constantly bitched about it to the other polar bears.

“It’s too fucking cold here” he said. “The water is all frozen, there’s nothing to eat but penguins and I’m constantly covered in fucking snow”.

The other polar bears rolled their eyes and ...

After spending over 3 decades in the hard candy business, I've had enough...

I've finally realized it's for suckers.

Most animals don't like gore.

But leeches are suckers for blood.

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Two hobos with a sausage walk into a bar.

First one tells the other,

"Let's order a ton of food and drinks. Once we're drunk, I'll whip out this sausage link, and you go under the table and start sucking this thing. When security sees what we're doing, they'll have no choice but to kick us out before we pay."

For the next cou...

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An angry man walks into a bar [nsfw]

Jim walks into a bar one night after a terrible day. He's feeling rowdy and is looking for a fight. He orders a beer, downs it, and slams it on the table.
He taps the man to his left and says, " you looking for a fight?"
The man replies,"No, Just having a nice drink tonight."
Jim sits b...

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I can't freakin' believe this!!

So you cowards think you're bad because 4 of you came at me & started crap with me AGAIN?? 4....REALLY??? Now it takes 4 of you to come at me??? I still handled all of you, left one of you on the ground..slapped the crap out of one of you and left blood everywhere, two got away. I just came out ...

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

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A woman makes a deal with the Devil to gain wealth and power, but doesn't want to go to Hell.

The Devil makes a little rule for the woman. She happily agrees and thus, the contract is sealed.

She goes onto be the best stockbroker in her city, giving her a near bottomless checkbook and connections to lawmakers, celebrities, anyone with even a scrap of power in the city.


Almo...

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