I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am.

"Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

Straws...

Straws are for suckers.

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Once there was a polar bear named Jerry.

Jerry hated living at the north pole and constantly bitched about it to the other polar bears.

“It’s too fucking cold here” he said. “The water is all frozen, there’s nothing to eat but penguins and I’m constantly covered in fucking snow”.

The other polar bears rolled their eyes and ...

I don't like people who waste my time.

Damn clock suckers.

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole...

...when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first golfer said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

...

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

They say a fool and his money are easily parted, but...

Vacuum repair shops really are for broke suckers.

My fish clean my tank for free

Suckers

Here is the one from the book about the doctor and the trump (not the president)

It happened that the doctor and the tramp (not all tramps are poor) bought a piece of land opposite to each other. They started to build their houses and the tramp liked the brick that the doctor used so he bought the same. After the tramp put in the windows and the doors, the doctor liked those too...

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Why did God give women boobs and nipples?

To make suckers out of men!

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A woman makes a deal with the Devil to gain wealth and power, but doesn't want to go to Hell.

The Devil makes a little rule for the woman. She happily agrees and thus, the contract is sealed.

She goes onto be the best stockbroker in her city, giving her a near bottomless checkbook and connections to lawmakers, celebrities, anyone with even a scrap of power in the city.


Almo...

Politics is a compound word

Made up from "poly", Greek, many, and "ticks", English, parasitic blood suckers.

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

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Two hobos with a sausage walk into a bar.

First one tells the other,

"Let's order a ton of food and drinks. Once we're drunk, I'll whip out this sausage link, and you go under the table and start sucking this thing. When security sees what we're doing, they'll have no choice but to kick us out before we pay."

For the next cou...

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

A man walks into a bar with his dog.

He walks over to his seat and says, "I can bet $100 to each of you that my dog can talk!"

Everybody agrees to the bet. The guy says, "Spot, speak!" The dog is silent.

"Spot, speak," the guy repeats. The noble dog still doesn't react. Fuming, the guy begrudgingly pays each of the bettor...

A joke for Halloween: why are vampires so easy to fool?

Because they're suckers.

Read the room

Person 1: my grandma died...

Person 2: oh no that’s terrible, I’m so sorr-

Person 3: *enters room* HELLO SUCKERS GUESS
WHO JUST ATE TEN TACOS IN TWO MINUTEs

person 2: bro, stop, read the room

Person 3: but im dyslexic

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They’re suckers for sushi

Don’t invest in the lollipop business.

That market’s for suckers.

Dave went to the store for a box of mothballs. His closet was infested with moths and he needed a solution.

The next day, Dave returned to buy five more boxes.



“Weren’t you just here yesterday to buy a box of mothballs?” the store clerk asked.



“Yes, but I used up that box already. Those suckers are hard to hit when they start moving!”

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Three Jews

Three in a camp and a Nazi told them, "I am going to mutilate you by your profession. What do y'all do for a living?"

The first said, "I am a carpenter."
In return the Nazi cut his dick off.

The second said, "I'm a gun Smith."
In return the Nazi shot his dick off.

The Naz...

The Wrestler.

There's an up-and-coming wrestler, and I mean a real wrestler not that glitzy camp showman stuff. Sweat and muscle. And he's good; with the able assistance of his manager, he's rising steadily in the ranks.

In fact he's so good, that he decides he can do it - he asks his manager to set up a t...

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An angry man walks into a bar [nsfw]

Jim walks into a bar one night after a terrible day. He's feeling rowdy and is looking for a fight. He orders a beer, downs it, and slams it on the table.
He taps the man to his left and says, " you looking for a fight?"
The man replies,"No, Just having a nice drink tonight."
Jim sits b...

What did the octopus say when the fisherman cut off its tenticles?

See ya later suckers!

Just saw the price of cigarettes and I realized there's no such thing as a smoker

The cigarette smokes, they are just the suckers

Did you hear about the fight at the candy store?

Two suckers got licked.

After spending over 3 decades in the hard candy business, I've had enough...

I've finally realized it's for suckers.

Most animals don't like gore.

But leeches are suckers for blood.

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