Where do you keep lollipops?

The licker cabinet

My ten year old was arrested for buying a lollipop

He was charged with under-age purchase from a licker store

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Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.
“I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be...

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr...

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Vagina flavor lollipop

A street vendor was shouting "Vagina flavor lollipops, get your vagina flavor lollipops here!"

A man approaches and says "This can't be real, but I'll have one please" the man licks it.
"Uugh.. This taste like shit!"

"Turn it around" says the vendor

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What do you call a chicken with a lollipop?

A >!Cocksucker!<

I forgot my joke about a lollipop...

I swear it was on the tip of my tongue!

Back in my day I used to be able to go to the store with a dollar and get a bag of chips, 2 chocolate bars and a lollipop

But now they have security cameras

Don’t invest in the lollipop business.

That market’s for suckers.

Would you believe me if I told you it takes 60 seconds to make a lollipop?

There's a sucker born every minute.

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A man is selling cunt-flavored lollipops

A man is selling cunt-flavored lollipops:
"Cunt-flavored lollipops!! Cunt-flavored lollipops!!!"
So that passing-by man stops and say:
"Hey, give me one of those cunt-flavored lollipops, folk!"
"Here it is! Have fun!"
The buyer starts licking it. It tasted awful, verrry bad ...

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny goes to the gym one day where he over hears a man on a tread mill talking about how workouts are a real pain in the ass. Little Johnny asks the man what that means, the man replies with “ oh it is just an add on used to give something more meaning”

So later that day Johnny goes...

One time, I took acid and saw all these lollipops coming out of the ground.

Then I chipped a tooth on a parking meter.

What makes Reddit Mods so funky?

"Funk not only moves, it can remove." - Sir Lollipop Man

Don't Eat Too Many Lollipops

A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman...

I hate lollipop ladies

They make me cross

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Punishment by Profession

Three men were exploring a south part of a desert. Just then, three native women and their chief kidnapped them and brought them to his torturing chamber.

The chief said to the first one, "What is your job?"

He said, "I'm a fireman."

The chief said, "His penis... BURN IT OFF!" S...

A woman and her 4yo son are driving to a new drive through letter distribution service.

A woman is driving with her son in the back seat to a new drive through service that allows for letter and parcel drop offs without having to get out of the car. It's supposed to be convenient.

When she gets there to drop off her letter there's a boom gate and a sign that says, "this boom gat...

The Black Ranger

A man on holiday walks into a bar at 11 pm and asks the bartender for a pint.
The bartenders says to him 'Sorry my friend I'm closed.'
The man replies 'Closed? But it's only 11 pm! How can you be closed at this hour already? Just give me my pint!' To which the bartender exclaims 'A no is...

A woman full of bruises goes to the doctor

Doctor: oh my God! What happened to you.

Woman: every time my husband gets home drunk he beats the hell out of me.

Doctor: oh I see, here take this lollipop, the next time your husband gets drunk, just take that lolipop out and start sucking it, don't think or say anything just focus o...

A young Jewish boy goes to a new school in a small American mid-west town

The teacher asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?”
A girl raises her hand and says, “I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the father of our country.”
The teacher replies, “Well, that’s a very good answer, but that’s not quite the ans...

4 aliens crash land onto Earth and know no English, but can learn quickly.

The aliens split up, to hopefully develop their knowledge in the language.

The first alien walked into an office building and heard someone speaking into the phone. "Yeah. Of course." he heard.

The second alien walks by a restaurant and sees a little kid playing with utensils and sayin...

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3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

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Three American men are lost in the desert...

...After many hours without food or water, they are relieved to find a large tent filled with amazing food, clean water, and lots of beautiful women.

They partake of the food, water, and women without hesitation, and soon return to a healthier condition.

A while later, the tent owner ...

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It’s parade day in Russia and 3 military thieves are locked in a jail cell awaiting their punishment.

All the other males in the army are either partaking in the parade or out celebrating their national pride and getting drunk on vodka so they have cleverly entrusted their female counterparts to continue running things whilst they are gone.

A female Lieutenant asks her superior, “How are we t...

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Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly ...

Four Aliens

The are four aliens passing by our solar system. The don’t know a word of English. Their spaceship malfunctions and they manage to eject the escape pods before they crash land on Earth. Each alien lands in a different spot on the planet. They each decide they might as well try to learn some English ...

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3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

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Lolipops

There was a 1st grade teacher helping her students by giving them lolipops to develop their sense of taste. She handed out lollipops of the same flavor to each student. She then questioned them about the flavor of the lolipops. The class replied in unison "Strawberry!". She replied "Very good class"...

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Three men are travelling through a desert...

... They come upon a tent, and inside is a group of 72 beautiful virgin women that are scantily clothed. The men decide to get friendly with the girls, and not too long afterwards a man adorned in golden jewelry and exotic silks steps into the tent with body guards flanking him. "What are you doing ...

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Three American salesmen were caught in a Middle Eastern harem.

One tried to explain "A cab driver told us this was a cat house and snuck us in the back door."

"No excuses!" the Emir shouted. "Any man who enters my harem must pay dearly!"

He then became very thoughtful. "If you were my people, you would be put to death at once. But tensions are hi...

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A kid receives an assignment from his teacher..

.. To write down 3 commonly used phrases, from around his house.

So the kid goes home and tries to ask his dad, who replies 'fuck off, i'm busy working!'.

So the kid writes that down.

Next, he goes to his younger brother, who is watching batman for the 20th time that day and sin...

three men were on a road trip when their car broke down

they walked a mile and found a farm and decided to ask the old farmer if they could crash. the farmer was a kind man and decided to let the men stay, as long as they didn't touch the three hot daughters. later that night none of the men could help themselves and decided to go for it, thinking that t...

A Chinese Man who knew no English wanted to visit America,

so he bought a ticket and flew over. The first place he saw was a candy store. He heard a child screaming,
"HE STOLE MY LOLLIPOP,"
then the Chinese man nodded and left. The next place he visited was a restaurant, where he saw a couple children banging forks and knives on the table and yelling,...

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My Dad used to tell this Joke: The Three Boys

There once were three boys who were always told to never go into a big shack on the edge of the woods, so they did what most boys would do and went to it as soon as they could. They go inside and see only useless so junk they turn around to leave when they see the door close and a large man stand in...

Lolipops

A little girl comes home from school and tells her mom "mommy, a man gave me a lollipop just to climb up the flagpole." The mom replies "stupid girl, the man just wanted to look up your dress and see your underwear. Don't do that again."
#
The next day, the girl comes home and says, "mommy, th...

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A couple had only been married for two weeks.

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pre...

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It's a Sunday morning and a priest realizes he was supposed to go golfing

He goes to the janitor and says "listen, i know this is highly unusual, but i have to leave. Could you cover confession for me?"

The janitor agrees so the priest writes a list of common sins and their respective pennances.

Once in the booth, a man comes in and says he committed adulter...

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A pedophile spots two 12 year old girls walking in the forest

He approaches them and says:

'I'll give you a lollipop each if you let me pet your hair!'

The two girls glance at each other, shrug, then nod. They get the sweets, and the pedophile gently strokes their hair.

'I'll give you two more lollipops if you let me carress your shoulders...

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