Straws Jokes

Straws are for suckers.

Because they all suck.



(Joke my 10-year old came up with while we were at Wendy's and he was trying to think up restaurant jokes.)

A bartender is clearing up for the night when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it he finds a homeless man standing there who asks

"Excuse me but could I bother you for a toothpick?"

The bartender doesn't see why not and so gives the man a tooth pick.
Later on th... read more

... those turtles would lay off the coke!

exstraw hahah lol

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

They suck.

They get soft before you're finished then i realize how my ex felt.

Alright everybody, this is the last straw.

I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.

They suck

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go... read more

We did it. We finally banned straws.

Ethiopia wrote back and said thanks for the leg warmers

All the great scientists throughout history are brought together for a game of hide and seek. They draw straws and Einstein is "it" first. He starts counting back from 100 as all the other great minds run hither and thither looking to hide. Newton runs over to the bushes but Heisenberg is already ... read more

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T... read more

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

I recently gave up plastic straws and plastics in general. Now I just book a vacation in the Galapagos once a year, and crush those turtles to death myself.

and they're really just grasping at straws.

restaurant employees could face up to six months jail time for giving out straws.

That means seconds before the ban went into effect, a waiter could have handed one out and said, "This is the last straw."

It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. As people were starting to leave the officer saw one man absolutely hammered with his car keys in hand stumbling towards his vehicle, as everyone got in their cars and were l... read more

Three guys get lost hiking and stumble upon a farm with three barns and decide to spend the night. They agree to sleep in separate barns.

The first barn has 18 sheep, the second barn has 18 cows, and the third barn has 18 beautiful women. The guys draw straws and select their barn to sleep i... read more

They were meant to book two rooms with two beds each - instead they ended up with a single room with one bed. They were considering drawing straws to determine who would sleep on the floor, but miraculously, Freddie Mercury, Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor all managed to fit comfortably on t... read more

After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left.

I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was.

After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done wit... read more

He called his three sons before his sickbed. He gave each of them some coins and asked them to buy something to fill the room, whoever can fill the room the best will be declared his successor.

The eldest prince went to the market and bought a cart of straws. Despite his best effort, he only ... read more