My girlfriend dumped me for using straws, since they were bad for the environment.

So I guess you could say that was the last straw

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins…

…because they've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Plastic straws.

They suck.

I don’t use straws.

Straws are for suckers.

Why do you never hear jokes about drinking straws?

Because they all suck.



(Joke my 10-year old came up with while we were at Wendy's and he was trying to think up restaurant jokes.)

A supposed friend of mine and I were having a heated discussion about all this plastic waste we’re generating. I decided we couldn’t be friends anymore after he brought up straws.

I can’t be friends with someone who makes straw-ban arguments.

I just had my first experience with one of those new environmentally-friendly, paper straws.

They suck.

Now that most of California has banned the use of straws,

I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.

What did the Seattle mayor say when he banned straws?

Alright everybody, this is the last straw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

bisexual people are like bendy straws

they're straight until you make them bend over

Banning straws will actually help with school shootings.

That way the potential shooters won't ever get down to their last straw.

Did you ever hear about McDonald's sending 10 million straws to Ethiopia..

Ethiopia wrote back and said thanks for the leg warmers

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Sam looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"

They draw straws. Lester, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't...

Straws and Toothpicks

A bartender is clearing up for the night when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it he finds a homeless man standing there who asks

"Excuse me but could I bother you for a toothpick?"

The bartender doesn't see why not and so gives the man a tooth pick.
Later on th...

Plastics

I recently gave up plastic straws and plastics in general. Now I just book a vacation in the Galapagos once a year, and crush those turtles to death myself.

After 23 school shootings in 2018

We did it. We finally banned straws.

A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wond...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three army officers decide to camp near their base for a night...

There hiking up a hill when a massive storm rolls in, they need shelter, luckily for them they find a small, super run down, old, musty, cabin.

They enter the cabin, and it’s a disaster...

Everything is overturned, animals had clearly screwed the place.

But the storm was inten...

A group of friends go camping.

They have a rule: whoever is the first to complain about the cooking has to cook the next dinner.

The first evening, they draw straws to see who has to cook first. The new cook does a decent job with their dinner that evening and no one complains. He’s not happy about having to cook, though.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew, a Muslim, and a lawyer are driving on a rural road.

The car breaks down, leaving them stranded with no signal, so they leave the car and find a farmhouse.
They say to the man who answers the door, "Our car won't work and we need shelter for the night. Can you provide it?"
The farmer replies, "Of course. But there's only enough room in the house...

A giraffe walks into a Californian bar....

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T...

Fork please?

A homeless man walks into an expensive restaurant during their busy lunch hour. The manager spots him and asks him to leave.

"But please sir, may I just have a fork?" said the bum.

Figuring that the cost of a fork was worth avoiding a scene, he hands the man a fork and the man return...

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