They say making hay is difficult...

I don't know, it seems rather cut and dried...

I tried making plans with the farmer that hays my field....

But he always bales.

3 bags of crisps walking down the road .. a bloke pulls up ,says hay guys wanna lift?

No thanks they replied we’re walkers

A farmer friend of mine got jailed for excessive hay production

I had to bale him out

Do you know those round hay bales you sometimes see in fields?

The government is trying to outlaw them. Apparently cows aren’t getting a square meal.

Did you hear that farmers are getting rid of circular hay bales?

Yeah, horses are sad that they’re not getting a square meal.

Traveling salesmen and the farmer

A traveling salesmen is driving through the country one evening when his car breaks down. He walks to the nearest farm house and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, he explains his situation and kindly asks to use his phone.

The farmer replies “Well we haven’t got a phone here, but ...

After years, the cowboy got better hay for his horse.

Clearly, the horse was fed up.

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A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night.

The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn.

The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but don't mess around with that third hole.

Go...

Did you guys hear they’re gonna start making round hay bales illegal?

Apparently it’s something about the cows needing 3 square meals a day

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My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.

After a couple of days they'll ask for your feed back.

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

A clergyman was walking and saw a farmer loading hay and struggling with the work.

"you look tired son,take a rest" he said.
No,my father would hate that" he replied
"Don't be silly, everyone needs a break sometimes. Come take some cold water" the clergyman replies.
Again the farmer declined. This continues for about two minutes, until the clergyman says "your father must...

What do you call a bale of hay that sleeps around?

Jorge.

I'll show myself out.

What did the scarecrow preacher say to his congregation

Can I get a hay men

A farmer’s career criminal son was supposed to be helping him with the chores but when he looked behind the barn, he was asleep on the hay.

He was out on bale.

Did you hear about the hay that got arrested for stealing a box of Wheaties?

Cops said it was the last straw, but let him out on bale.

Happy National Tell A Joke Day!!!

Bernie is walking down the street and runs into Sheldon, an old acquaintance

Bernie says, "Sheldon, I am so glad I ran into you. I know some circus people and I can get you an elephant for $100."

Sheldon: What am I going to do with an elephant?

Bernie: He can put thing up on high shelves, He can spray you with water, You know, elephant things.

Sheldon: ...

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

Hay-fever got arrested today

Got charged with an antihistaminor

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My wife is a pain in the arse, but I'll always buy her flowers.

Fucks with her hay-fever.

What do you call Australian hay?

Hi. (Say it out loud)

How do you find a needle in a hay stack?

Lock a junkie in the barn

Anthony Joshua 21 KOs, David Haye 26 KOs, Floyd Mayweather 27 KOs...

Bill Cosby 30 KOs.

My sister has hay fever.

She was also recently diagnosed with diabetes. I tried to cheer her up, you know, flowers, chocolates.

In recent news, a man who was charged with impersonating a hay stack

Has been bailed

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

Upon seeing a beautiful milkmaid, Thor appears before her in a flash of lightning...

Picking her up, he takes her to the hay loft where he proceeds to make ravenous love to her for thee days.

As the sun rose on the third day, he walked to the door and said "Woman! I must go. I have duties and I am Thor!"

To which she replied... "You're Thour? I'm not going to be able t...

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Three men are on top of a roof

The first one says “If I jump off this roof and shout an object, I will land in it”. The others don’t believe him, so he jumps off and shouts “HAY” and lands safely in a big pile of hay. Now seeing that it’s safe, the second one jumps and yells “Pillows” and lands safely in a pile of pillows. Finall...

The shortest Dad Joke in the world.

Driving down a country road with your kids in the back seat, point at a stack of hay bales on some random farm and exclaim:

>#“Hey!”

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A college guy works for a farmer bailing hay over the summer...

Farmer: “You’ve done a great job working for me this summer. I want to throw you a party before you go back to college. Hope you like to drink.”

College Guy: “Oh yeah! Being in college, I’ve learned how to throw a few back.”

Farmer: “There probably will be some fighting.”

Colleg...

“ Hay Ernie would you like some ice cream?”

“Sure Burt”

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaaaay

Did you hear they banned round hay bales in Kentucky?

Cows couldn't get a square meal.

(h/t my grandma who tells this joke like it is her job)

What happened to the exhausted horse?

He hit the hay

In the time of the Holy Roman Empire

There was a chronic shortage of hay with which to feed the Army's horses. So much so that the Emperor issued a mandate that restricted its use, even going as far as cutting in half the width of all brooms.

This became standard use and over time no one questioned it. With the exception of lowl...

If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses

Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.


I'll show myself out

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Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when,

Through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow
and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently
slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the
left. He then hunches his shoulders forw...

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

A son runs up to his dad and tugs at his trouser leg

“Daddy, daddy! A picture is worth a thousand words!”, and immediately runs off. The dad is confused by this, but kids say funny things.

Later on, they’re having dinner, and the son is very quiet. The dad asks him if he’s ok, to which he solemnly raises his head and replies, “Make hay while th...

Hay gurl

are you a gorilla enclosure? Cause' I wanna drop a kid in you.

Why did the straw learn karate?

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

Bumped into Christian Bale down at the farm the other day

And like a deer in headlights, I blurted out the first thing that come to mind... “Hay bale”

What did the horse say to the snowman that lived nextdoor?

Hay Neigh Brr

What do horses say when their food gets stolen?

Hay come back!

How do you get hay out of prison?

You pay its bale.

What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

You get a Christian Bale

Why is hay so unreliable?

It keeps baleing

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

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an Indian man, an English man, and a American are forced to jump of a building by a wizard

the wizard says you have to jump off, but while you fall whatever you say will appear below you.

the English man jumps off and says "pillows" and lands on a pile of pillows

the Indian jumps off and says "hay" and lands on a pile of hay

the American jumps off and yells "oh crap!"

How did the horse slide into the other horse’s dm’s?

hay

Why was the Hay Robber's prison sentence cut short?

He got out on bale.

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A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game.

She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.”

The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a mere fuzz, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pi...

Series of jokes translated from Armenian

Some context: Abaran is a city in Armenia, and there's this stereotype about the "Abarantsi" (person from Abaran) who is supposed to be stupid and there's a bunch of jokes about it, kind of like blonde jokes (this is all for the sake of the joke, however, and we love and respect the people of Abaran...

A cowhand rides into town and sees a "Help Wanted" poster outside the saloon.

"Man wanted for general farm duties," he reads. "Must be strong, capable, experienced in animal handling and willing to learn. Apply to Widow Sallet, Sallet Farm, two miles east of town."

So he goes along to the farm, as it sounds like steady work and he's tired of living hand to mouth, and f...

A young boy was obsessed with farming machinery

A young boy was obsessed with farming machinery, he built models, he drew them, and spent all his free time going to his local farm just for a look at a combine harvester or a hay baler.

As he aged, his interest in mechanised agriculture slowly disappeared, and by the time he was married with...

A city boy comes to visit his grandparents on their farm and spend the night.

It's been years since they last saw him, and over dinner they reminisce the times that he came to visit over the summer as a kid. Most of the stories Grandpa brought up were about his grandson's dumb attempts to help out.

"Why, I remember when you said you could feed the chickens and gave the...

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

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What's the difference between Hitler's girlfriend and a female farmer?

One bails her hay and one hails her bae.

Joseph and Mary are having a romp in the hay.

Mary says, "what if I get pregnant, what will I tell them?" Joseph replies, "you will think of something."

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

A school and a fever, both old friends, walk separately into a bar.

The school notices the fever. He says,

"Hay fever." The school says,

"High school."

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Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

As they turn the corner, they come across a circus in the field over the road that has closed up for the night. One of the main attractions, a huge 12 foot tall bull elephant with a 6 foot long penis could clearly be seen quietly ea...

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3 men and a wizard are on top of a tower with no way down, the wizard says to the three men, "jump and say something while falling, and whatever you said will meet you at the bottom"

The first man jumped and yelled "pillows!". The man landed safely on some pillows. The second man jumped and yelled "Hay!". He was saved by landing in a pile of hay. The third man took the longest to jump because he was afraid of heights, but when he finally jumped he look down and yelled "OH CRAP!"

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

Two old men, who are growing very old and love the sport of baseball make a pact with each other one day...

These men love the game, they always talk the off-season trades, the winter meetings, watch every game of the season, and recollect on the players of their hay day. So they decide to form a pact. The first one to die will come back to the other and inform them if there is baseball in heaven.

...

A farmer bought a rooster to service his hens.

So, this farmer went out and bought a new rooster as a stud rooster. Every day, the farmer watched the rooster go service all the hens, then the rooster would start in on the pigs, the sheep, the cows, it would mate with them all. The farmer always shook his head and said, "One of these days.. one o...

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Well, your ass may be grass...

Butt hay, what can you do?

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

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Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

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A scottsman an Englishman and an Irishman

A scottsman an Englishman and an Irishman are stick on top a roof and they have to jump off but whatever they say as they fall will show up.

The scottsman jumps and screams "hay" he landed in a pile of hay.
The Englishman jumps and yells "marshmallows" and he lands on a pile or marshmal...

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Mr. Becker was a cantankerous old Farmer

But he owns some best Land in the valley for Deer hunting. People had asked permission to hunt on his land forever and always ended up hightailing out of there to escape the barrage of expletives hurled at them and a potential for a dusting of rock salt out of his shotgun.

My buddy Cory an...

A boy and his mother were walking towards their local MRT..

They were heading to the main City in order to buy some food supplies, they did this every week in order to be always ready for an emergency and such.

They finished buying their groceries and set off to return home, the subway was very packed, since they got home in rush hour, the passenger...

A horse walks into a barn

A horse walks into a barn

The Barntender says, "Hay, the usual?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a typical story repost with a little twist

A proud farmer lying on his deathbed, asked his three sons to find one object that can be used to fill the inside of the barn. The one who can deliver will be chosen as his heir to the farm.

So the oldest son goes to the market to get hay while the middle son go get leaves and the youngest s...

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