I tried making plans with the farmer that hays my field....

But he always bales.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college guy works for a farmer bailing hay over the summer...

Farmer: “You’ve done a great job working for me this summer. I want to throw you a party before you go back to college. Hope you like to drink.”

College Guy: “Oh yeah! Being in college, I’ve learned how to throw a few back.”

Farmer: “There probably will be some fighting.”

Colleg...

A farmer’s career criminal son was supposed to be helping him with the chores but when he looked behind the barn, he was asleep on the hay.

He was out on bale.

They say making hay is difficult...

I don't know, it seems rather cut and dried...

Hay-fever got arrested today

Got charged with an antihistaminor

What do you call a religious pile of hay?

A Christian bale.

Today I learned that cows can't eat the round bales of hay.

Because they need to have a square meal.

New Supermarket

A new supermarket opened in Phoenix. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. <...

Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.

After a couple of days they'll ask for your feed back.

Did you guys hear they’re gonna start making round hay bales illegal?

Apparently it’s something about the cows needing 3 square meals a day

Did you hear about the hay that got arrested for stealing a box of Wheaties?

Cops said it was the last straw, but let him out on bale.

Happy National Tell A Joke Day!!!

My sister has hay fever.

She was also recently diagnosed with diabetes. I tried to cheer her up, you know, flowers, chocolates.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Becker was a cantankerous old Farmer

But he owns some best Land in the valley for Deer hunting. People had asked permission to hunt on his land forever and always ended up hightailing out of there to escape the barrage of expletives hurled at them and a potential for a dusting of rock salt out of his shotgun.

My buddy Cory an...

A farmer bought a rooster to service his hens.

So, this farmer went out and bought a new rooster as a stud rooster. Every day, the farmer watched the rooster go service all the hens, then the rooster would start in on the pigs, the sheep, the cows, it would mate with them all. The farmer always shook his head and said, "One of these days.. one o...

A boy and his mother were walking towards their local MRT..

They were heading to the main City in order to buy some food supplies, they did this every week in order to be always ready for an emergency and such.

They finished buying their groceries and set off to return home, the subway was very packed, since they got home in rush hour, the passenger...

My girlfriend has been having a really hard time with her hay fever and diabetes, so I thought I’d get her something nice.

Nothing fancy, just some flowers and chocolates.

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men and a wizard are on top of a tower with no way down, the wizard says to the three men, "jump and say something while falling, and whatever you said will meet you at the bottom"

The first man jumped and yelled "pillows!". The man landed safely on some pillows. The second man jumped and yelled "Hay!". He was saved by landing in a pile of hay. The third man took the longest to jump because he was afraid of heights, but when he finally jumped he look down and yelled "OH CRAP!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

In recent news, a man who was charged with impersonating a hay stack

Has been bailed

How do you find a needle in a hay stack?

Lock a junkie in the barn

“ Hay Ernie would you like some ice cream?”

“Sure Burt”

What do you call Australian hay?

Hi. (Say it out loud)

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.

The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d feed him.”

So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher ...

A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game.

She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.”

The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a mere fuzz, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pi...

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaaaay

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

I like calling my wife hay.

It’s easier when I don’t have to lie to my friends about hitting the hay.

Did you hear they banned round hay bales in Kentucky?

Cows couldn't get a square meal.

(h/t my grandma who tells this joke like it is her job)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bales her hay and the other hails her bae

I got a new cylindrical bailer for the hay, but the cows all rebelled...

...they wanted three square meals a day.

The Angry Vet.

Dr. Ray was about to lock up with he saw an old pick up truck pull into the parking lot. Being a nice vet Dr. Ray waited on the old man to get out of the truck. He started walking up to Dr. Ray's door in that old slow gait, complete with straw hat and overalls.

Dr. Ray sighed as the door open...

What’s a horse’s favourite Beatles song?



Hay Chewed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

As they turn the corner, they come across a circus in the field over the road that has closed up for the night. One of the main attractions, a huge 12 foot tall bull elephant with a 6 foot long penis could clearly be seen quietly ea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when,

Through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow
and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently
slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the
left. He then hunches his shoulders forw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the cow say to the farmers wife when it was feeding time?

*Moo bitch, get out the hay*

What do you call a hungry Mexican horse?

No-hay josè

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Hay gurl

are you a gorilla enclosure? Cause' I wanna drop a kid in you.

What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

You get a Christian Bale

How do you get hay out of prison?

You pay its bale.

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

A farm boy went on a date...

The next day after the date, while he was baling hay, one of his friends told him that the girl he went out with thought he was too shy, and should have made a move on her. He looked at his buddy and said, "Tell her to meet me by the rockpile tonight. I'll be a little bolder.

Why is hay so unreliable?

It keeps baleing

Why was the Hay Robber's prison sentence cut short?

He got out on bale.

Joseph and Mary are having a romp in the hay.

Mary says, "what if I get pregnant, what will I tell them?" Joseph replies, "you will think of something."

Ventriloquist and the farmer

A ventriloquist was walking past a farm and saw a farmer sitting on his porch. “I’m gonna screw with this guy” he thought and walked over to say hi.

“Hello farmer. I can talk to animals. Mind if I talk to your dog?”

The farmer scoffed, “Sure buddy. That dog hasn’t ever said a word to ...

A horse walks into a barn

A horse walks into a barn

The Barntender says, "Hay, the usual?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Sunday morning in the middle of a blizzard

One Sunday morning in February, the young new pastor slowly made his way to the rural church in the middle of a blizzard, arriving with just five minutes to spare. He walked in, turned on the lights and looked around. No one else was there.

As he was about to turn everything off and go back...

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In a farmhouse this horse and a chicken...

...they’ve been friends for a long time.

One day the chicken wakes up to this screaming and runs out of the farmer's house only to find the horse in a pit of mud sinking.

Chicken says, “holy shit, how the fuck did you end up in here?”

Horse explains “I’m eating a little food,...

A man's car breaks down in the middle of a snow storm

While searching for help he finds a temple. The man knocks on the door and an old monk comes and greets him

Man: Hay can you please help, my car broke down in the middle of the snow storm

Monk: Yes of course please come in

The man enters the temple and is given food, water and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hi, my name is Rico the Rooster, and I’m a sex addict.

Over the course of 12 months, Farmer Ted saved every penny that he could to purchase the prize winning rooster known as Rico. Little did he know, Rico the rooster was a sexy addict. Farmer Ted returned home from the prize winning rooster auction and began to introduce his farm animals to Rico, as so...

What advice does Fleetwood Mac give for the keeping of farm animals?

You can grow your own hay!

How do you get a horse out of jail

Hay bail

I used to live in the middle of Kansas, but I remember very little.

It was all a Hays.

A woman is walking on the mountains when she sees a huge flock of sheep, lots of sheep are grazing in a very green meadow. She spots the shepherd near them so she goes to talk to him out of curiosity.

The shepherd notices her approaching him and greets her.

“Oh, good morning young lady, maybe I can help you with something?”

“Yes, hi! I was walking on that path over there and I saw this enormous flock and I had to come and know more about them!”

“Sure thing. What is it that yo...

Two couples decided to go camping one weekend...

so they pick out a nice little area to set up camp. What they didn't realize is they set up camp on a Native American reservation. Not only that, they only brought one small tent!

So after setting up camp and having a delicious fish dinner the couples decide to hit the hay for the night but t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men snuck onto a farm in the middle of the night

to stir up some trouble.

A black guy, a spanish guy and a polish guy.

They throw some rocks and break some windows, they tip a cow or two and just generally run amuck.

The farmer hears all the ruckus and comes running out with his shotgun.

"who goes there!? Get off my far...

i saw a female scarecrow

And I said hay girl

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fifty bucks

A mother tells her son to go into town to sell their duck for food money, the boy does as she says and goes into the town square. There he meets a young lady on the street corner who tells him "I have a few uses for a duck but I don't have any money, what do you say we go inside and roll in the hay ...

A young seminary graduate was delivering his first sermon...

When the young seminary graduate arrived at the small country Church to preach his first official sermon, he noticed it had snowed about three feet deep just hours before Church was scheduled to begin. Due to the snow, An elderly, white bearded farmer was the only person to show up for the service.<...

Translated Chinese joke

Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!

Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off

Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out

Bad news: The parachute failed midair

Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him...

Two farmers are having a conversation over a fence...

One farmer looks over the other's shoulder and spots two cows grazing on the field behind him.
He asks the farmer "-By the way, how much milk do you actually get out of a cow?"
"The white one or the black one?" The other farmer asks.
"Oh, the white one then." Says the first farmer. "A...

Me and a friend when we finally agree to go out

We were to meet at 9:00.. i called him at 9:40

-Are you there, yet

=yes.

-I can't see you

=I can't see you,too.

-ok, raise a hand.

= ok, i am raising my hand.

-haa, i see you now

= liar, i am not there yet.

-ok, how long till you get the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are standing on a roof.

A man who claims to be a magician approaches the three.
"If you jump off this roof, whatever you yell on your way down is what you shall land in," the magician tells them.
The Englishman, obviously the bravest of the three, volunteers to go first. He jumps off the roof, and on his way down yel...

A Halloween Joke

A skeleton, a jack-o-lantern, and a scarecrow are hanging out in a corn field.

The skeleton fancies the jack-o-lantern and says, “Never have I seen eyes shine as bright as yours, only adding to the beauty of such a glowing smile.”

The jack-o-lantern, however has a crush on the scare c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the celiac say to the farmer?

Miss me with that hay shit

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