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Oats Jokes

I once turned down a farm job because it called for haulin’ oats.

I told them, “I can’t go for that.”

This is my friend’s joke - original, supposedly. Posting it here for feedback.

People in the gym always ask me how I got so big

Being a bodybuilder, people are shocked at how big I am. Many of them ask “how did you get so big?!” I tell them that it’s simple. I
Followed an extremely strict diet of raw oats and milk. Seriously. I ate nothing but raw oats and milk for two years and *literally* doubled in size!


Bu...

There was an Irish girl who spent her weekdays sowing her wild oats...

...and went to mass on Sundays praying for a crop failure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

What do you call the Indian who works for Quaker Oats?

Poe Raj

It is a little known fact that the Dutch pioneered genetic engineering.

Back in the 80s they had genetically engineered a strain of grain that ended up making musical tones when the wind blew across it.

They trade marked it as Holland Oats.

The United Nations refused to recognize the trade mark, saying "I can't go for that, no can do."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you have sex with the Quaker Oats guy?

Oatmeal Creme Pies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After my breakup I talked to my ex one last time and said: “Do you know what’s been the best thing since I left you, it’s-”

“Oh, I know. You’ve been out shagging anything that moves!” she said. “Sowing your wild oats, getting your prick into anything with a pulse. I know exactly what you’re all about!”

“-it’s that I’ve actually been able to finish a fucking sentence without being interrupted.”

Before Darryl Hall's music career took off he was an over the road driver for Quaker Products.

He was literally haul'n oats.

Boy gets engaged down south

Down South, a young man falls in love, and he rushes home to tell his Pappy about his new sweetheart.

Pappy sadly shakes his head back and forth and says, "Son, I hate to tell ya, but in mah youth, I sowed mah wild oats, and that girl is yer half-sister."

Brokenhearted, the young man c...

I'm Thor!

One day, while looking upon the world from his perch high upon Valhalla, Thor is starting to feel his oats. To put it more bluntly, it's been a while since he's been laid.

He jumps down to earth and sees a comely farm girl. No words are spoken-- he just sweeps her off her feet and they make w...

Did you know that the Netherlands imports all oatmeal to avoid copyright laws?

Because if they produced locally they would be making Holland Oats.

Did you hear about the horse who had to go to court?

At first he was gonna lie, but then the judge reminded him he was under oats.

Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin' oats

What do Redditors farm?

They can only reap oats.

Why did the farmer say "I can't go for that."?

Because he was haulin oats.

What do thieves eat for breakfast?

Steel oats.

Why did the farmer start growing wheat?

Because he was tired of Hall and Oats.

(Joke from brother while watching Stranger Things and hearing 80s music hits.)

What do Dutch farmers feed their sheep?

Holland oats

My daughter texted me payback for all my dad jokes:

Daughter: Hey Dad I got a job with Quaker.

Me: With Quaker?

Daughter: Yeah, but I'm not a rich girl yet.

Daughter: I'm just haulin oats.

Why did the farmer's bucket keep singing songs?

Because it was haulin' oats.

What does a duck like to have for breakfast?

Quacker Oats

A traveling salesman is driving through the country

when his car breaks down near a farm house. The farmer says he can spend the night but only if he sleeps in the barn.

The next morning the farmer invites the salesman in for breakfast.

Salesman: You have some really amazing animals. The cow could talk. She told me what a good and kind ...

The traveling ventriloquist.

So this ventriloquist was driving through the midwest when his car broke down. He walked a ways and found a farmer who would let him use his phone. Well, the farmer seemed to be a real stereotypical rural type, so the ventriloquist thought it would be possible to have some fun with him. The farmer b...

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next show.

He stopped at a farmhouse and approached the farmer who lived there.

"Hello there, Mr. Farmer, I was just passing by and I was wondering if I might speak to your dog." The farmer replied, "Well, you know, dogs don't talk." The ventriloquist said, "You'd be surprised what a dog might tell you....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wakes up

A man wakes up in a dimly lit room with three doors. On each door, there is a picture of a different type of food. The first door has a picture of eggs, second has a picture of cereal and the third has a picture of beans.

The man decides to try the first door, so he opens it. Behind it is a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

hangs his head in disappointment and shame, knowing he's contracted an STD,

A old man who's been in a nursing home for many years starts bugging the administrator to let him have a weekend pass, to 'sow his last wild oats', he says, before he finally passes on. Every week he asks the same question and every week he's turned down.
Months later there's a change of staff, w...

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