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Stings Jokes

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.

The pro asks: “where’d you get stung?”

“Between the first and second hole”, she answers.

The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings...

You know she's a keeper...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

Nothing.

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Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

If it stings when you wee

Urine trouble

What's worse than a bee sting?

Two bee stings

What's worse than two bee stings?

The Holocaust

What's worse than the Holocaust?

Three bee stings

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

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A Man is on vacation on the Farm....

and because the Weather is so nice he decides to Sunbath nude.

While lying there, a Bee stings him in his Penis.

It swells and hurts as Hell.

He goes to the Farmer to ask what he should do against the pain and swelling.

The Farmer tells him the best remedy is to hold his ...

Rhett saves Scarlett

One Sunday morning, Scarlett O'Hara, a devout catholic, is on her way to church services on her horse and buggy. A bee flies by and stings the horse on the nose. The horse rears up, bucks a few times, breaks loose from the reins and gallops down the lane. The buggy gets tossed and rolls over to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - I was on vacation in Australia with my girlfriend

And we were sunbathing on a nudist beach.

All of a sudden a hornet flew down and stung her right on her special area. It immediately swelled up and turned a rather nasty colour.

I immediately rang the Australian helpline for insect stings.

"G'Day mate, what seems to...

A regular golf course member is going for her regular solo 7:00am tee-off.

She makes a good putt to save par on the first green. As she walks along the long grass going to the second tee, she startles a wasp, and it stings her. Annoyed, but not wanting the event to ruin her day, she finishes her round.

When she gets to the clubhouse, she runs into the club pro....

A woman enrolls up for golf

A bee stings her in the very first round of golf. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

A golf pro, who's out early for practice, enquires:

"You're back early. What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee!"

"Where?"

"Between ...

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I used to date a hoarder...

... and she broke up with me.
That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

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A farm hand guy and a blond farm girl.

The guy decides to piss in the bushes but sees some bees in the flowers, he pisses on them, and one stings him in the dick. He runs into the house in pain, opens the fridge to find something cold and soothing, settles on a yogurt container and sticks his dick in.

As he's standing there he not...

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Why do they call it a needle dick?

Because it stings a bit when it goes in.

A husband and wife are golfing and almost immediately, the woman is stung by a bee.

As she’s had some bad reactions to bee stings before, the husband runs to the pro shop to get some assistance.

Bursting in, he says to the pro “My wife’s been stung, can you please help?”

The pro replies “Well where was she stung?”

“Between the first and second holes”.

“...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hooked up with a martial artist last week.

She floated like a butterfly, and now it stings when I pee.

New Bee Species

I was reading an article this week about this new bee they found in one of the Dakotas.

Apparently they have one of the worst stings known to man, and can actually knock out a full grown adult who gets stung.

The other worst part is that like a lot of insects, they try to lay eggs in t...

Farmer

A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: He'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for free...

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