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Statistical Jokes

A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies."

Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"

Statistically there are

Statistically there are 2 popes per square kilometer in the Vatican

I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves

aren't Happy

I asked my German friend to draw me a circular statistical diagram.

“Venn?" he asked.

“As soon as you can.”

Statistically speaking, 6 out 10 statistics are wrong.

Including this one.

Which politician is the biggest supporter of statistical sciences?

Putin. He really loves the Poisson distribution.

It’s statistically proven that having a ladder in your home is more dangerous than a loaded gun

that’s why I have 12 guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistically, one out of 10 of your friends is gay.

I think it might be Steve, he's really sexy.

Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people.

This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.

Statistically 100,000 people die each year playing Russian roulette ....

It's mind-blowing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The professor of statistics and logistics.

So a friend told me this joke. It was created by Norm MacDonald. Hopefully I don't butcher it. Also, I'm on mobile, so I apologize if it's weirdly formatted.

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A new guy moves into a cul de sac. One of the neighbors comes up to him and starts small talk.

"So what...

Statistically speaking

9/11 Americans won't appreciate this joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sexual fetishes are getting seperate volume in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

There is now the a-DSM and the b-DSM.

Statistically...

9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

I came up with a really great statistics joke, but no statistician wanted to hear it.

So I asked them why and they told me, statistically speaking, most of what you say is boring.

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician...

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are all eating on the patio of a restaurant. Across the street, they see two people walk into a building, and a few moments later three people walk out.

The biologist says, "Oh, they must have reproduced."

The physicist remarks, "There m...

Did you know that, statistically, only one in seven dwarfs...

Is happy?

Study shows that...

Study shows that if you say 'study shows that' before saying a statement, people are 56% more likely to believe you and this number can increase to 71% if you add a random statistical data and to further amp up this number to 82.3% you can include decimals in that number as well.

Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

Indian men are statistically the least likely to get laid

No wonder even their parents call them beta.

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