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Statisticians Jokes

Have you heard the latest joke about statisticians?

Probably.

Three statisticians go hunting

Once they're in the forest, they see a deer.

The first statistician raises his rifle, fires, and misses by ten feet to the left.

The second statistician raises his rifle, fires, and misses by ten feet to the right.

The third statistician jumps up and down. "We got him!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent finding by statisticians shows

the average human has one breast and one testicle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two statisticians are sitting at a bar

Stat 1: Hey man. Have you hooked up with that girl you're seeing yet?

Stat 2: Yeah, last night actually. She gives a mean blowjob!

Stat 1: Oh.. hmm.. nothing spectacular then.

Stat 2: Yeah, It was a 5/10.

Bell curves mean one thing to statisticians

And something completely different to Gaston

Three statisticians walk into a bar.

The bartender asks the first one, “Would you like a beer?”

He says no.

The bartender asks the second one, “Would you like a beer?”

He says no.

The bartender asks the third one, “Would you like a beer?”

He says, “Probably not.”

Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years

That's mean

Why are Statisticians all pragmatists?

Because they know the n's always justify the means

Two statisticians are out hunting...

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high f...

At the statisticians’ conference

”Look at that pervert. He doesn’t settle for just standard deviation.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know how most statisticians die?

They get broken down by age and sex.

What do you call a group of statisticians?

A precision.

What's the statisticians favorite sauce?

Tztatisiki

What do statisticians who make mistakes put on their bread?

Margarine of error.

Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?

Why do statisticians always go back to being cruel ?

Answer: reversion to the mean

How do statisticians cook their meat?

Median rare.

Two statisticians walk into a bar...

What are the chances of that?

Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York.

About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.

A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would tak...

I hate it when statisticians try explaining things to me.

95% of the time I don't know what they mean.

Two statisticians are playing golf.

The first one tees off, and the ball lands 10 feet to the left of the hole. The second one tees off, and the ball lands 10 feet to the right of the hole. Then they high-five each other because, on average, they both got a hole-in-one.

A statistics joke...

Three statisticians go deer hunting with bows. They see a giant buck in the woods. Statistician #1 fires his arrow--it goes 10 yards to the left. Statistician #2 fires his arrow--it goes 10 yards to the right. Statistician #3 throws down his bow and yells, "We got it!"

What catch phrase do white girls and statisticians share in common?

"That's totally random"

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