So my rich brother in law bought a Jag. And one day while he was at a stop light

My destitute nephew, Ronnie, pulled up beside him in his 2003 Toyota. 

They are happy to see each other, the difference in wealth has never been an issue between them.

"How are you nephew?" say Mel “Have you seen my new Jag?"

"My that’s a fancy car, so let me ask you, what kind ...

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A harrowed looking man was braving through jagged mountains looking for a wise monk.

On finding him he quickly paid his respects and got to stating his dilemma. "By dumb luck, I am to marry the most beautiful women in my town. But.."

"Go on. Isn't it a time for celebration? Whats bothering you?", encouraged the monk with a peaceful smile. "But my penis is too small." the man...

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

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Tarzan was swinging through the jungle high in the canopy and his vine breaks....

He fell hitting jagged branches and thorns for about a hundred feet or so and slammed into the ground below wounded and dying.

A few hours later a witch doctor comes across him and decides to drag his lifeless body to his hut to try to help him. The witch Dr. examines Tarzan and sees that dur...

The bar on the cliff

A man is on a walk by the coast in terrible weather, and ducks into a bar that is situated at the top of a cliff overlooking the sea to escape the rain and the wind.

He sits at the bar and orders a whiskey, and strikes up a conversation with an old man at the bar. The men talk for a couple o...

[Long] Rabbi Goldman, World Traveller, comes to a lovely island in the South Pacific.

It's a beautiful place, lush and vibrant, and it's home to a tribe called the Trids. Goldman makes a good impression on them, and they're a very welcoming people already, so it' s not long before they're having a nice cookout to welcome him.

While they're eating, Rabbi Goldman looks inland, a...

The Genie and the Demon

Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.

"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi...

long. Two cops lead an unfortunate man into a padded cell

Instantly the men in white coats grab him, wrench his arms behind his back and, when he screams in pain, the psychiatrist tears down his trousers and jags him with a needle.

As they're carrying the unconcious body out the younger of the cops, shocked, says:

"Was that really necessary? ...

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The other day, I died and went to hell...

(Note: replace the name 'Jim' with the name of someone in the group that you're telling this joke to)

The other day Jim and I were walking around town when, out of nowhere, we get run over by a truck and die, and we both go straight to hell.

In hell, I'm greeted by the devil, who tells...

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You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

A man walks into a barbershop...

...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."

The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."

The man replies, "Why not? It's wha...

Someone told me a joke, but I can't remember the punchline.

A mortician friend told me a joke about a situation he encountered several years back, but I can't remember the punchline to save my life.

It was about this couple who got in an auto accident on their anniversary. The wife survived but the husband unfortunately died on impact.

The wif...

Long

A primary school class has just returned to school after the summer vacation. The teacher asks them, one by one, to come up to the blackboard and draw something exciting that happened during their holidays. First up was Jimmy. Jimmy draw a series of diagonal lines across the blackboard. What's that ...

Pop superstar, Will.i.am, has just bought a new car.

It's a Jag.u.r.

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I love to fish

A man comes back from his honeymoon and is telling his friend about it, the friend asks "Where did you go on your honeymoon?" He replies "Lake Watahaxie". His friend says "but that's a fishing resort". he replies "Yep, I love to fish". His friend says "But it was your honeymoon, you're supposed t...

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