UPJOKE
nonfatskipreadrakecreamscanskitterplaneskimmedaquaplaneskimmingcream offglance overskim offskim over

Skimmed Jokes

What did the skimmed milk say to the cream?

You can make me whole again

The hardest part of making skimmed milk

Is throwing the cows across a lake

My priest asked me for soy milk this morning..

I said, forgive me father for I have skimmed.

Got fired from my new job at the dairy factory for making 1% milk the wrong way...

...instead of following the directions exactly, I just skimmed them.

This will give 1 or 2% a chuckle...

Two milk cartons and a bottle of creamer were discussing an issue:

Whole: I think we’ve covered the Whole thing.

Skim: Really? We just Skimmed over it.

Creamer: I would normally side with Whole on this point, but I’m actually Half and Half.

Some kid just threw a bottle of milk at me

HOW DAIRY! His behaviour was udderly disgusting. It just skimmed my head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] My wife likes things done her way and her way only

When I make her a cup of tea I have to use the same type of tea, the water needs to be exactly 86 degrees Celsius, I have to put exactly 1 and a half grams of sugar in before the teabag goes in, stir it six times to the left and once to the right and then add 4 teaspoons of skimmed milk.

If I...

The gift.

Knowing that the minister had a very sore throat, an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.

"This is quite soothing,” the woman said, "but please don’t tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."

"I understand," replied the good man.

...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.