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Shark Attack Jokes

What is a shark attack survivor's favorite coffee?

Half-caf. I'll see myself out.

News just in of a honeymooner killed in a shark attack off the Perth Coast. The man had been married very recently. A police spokesman said

Fortunately the man did not suffer too much as he had only been married 5 days

Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father?

Man 1: No, shark attack.

How did they know the victim of the shark attack had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

I once told someone I had a half brother

They said “Oh different mother or different father?” And I said “Niether, there was a shark attack”

Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg?

No? Well, she is all right now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

He sits down next to a guy with a peg leg, a metal hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.

He orders a beer, looks at the guy next to him, and asks "What are you supposed to be, a pirate?"

"Yarr, I am" replies the pirate.

"You must have some crazy stories about your leg, your hand, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who's the toughest

A group of old men were sitting at the local VFW, downing beers and trading war stories.

They were joined by another old man, who was new to their club, so they took their turns trying to prove who was the toughest.

First the Navy guy stood up: "I was on the USS Indianapolis, when it g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young sailor is listening to an old pirate tell his stories...

...and notices that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eyepatch. The young man asks the pirate, "How did you get your peg leg?"

"Well you see," says the pirate, "I once got so rip, roaring drunk, that I stumbled and fell overboard. The crew scrambled to fish me out, and just as I was be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A famous surgeon...

...is taking patients, one at a time.

First one comes in:

-Doc, I got a problem. I am a professional discus thrower, but recently I lost both my hands in car accident! Help me, Olympic games are just next month!

-Sorry to hear it, but we don't have male hands right now, only f...

It's a busy day at the gates of heaven...

... bombings, cancer, shark attacks—the line at the pearly gates is never short. Old St. Peter, fatigued by his endless service, decides to take the afternoon off for some well deserved R&R. However, after shooing the new arrivals off to limbo for the evening, three men remain in line to enter H...

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