What should you do when your epileptic child starts seizing in the bathtub?

Throw in your laundry!

The Chinese government are seizing

my land to build a cemetery.

It has to be a Communist plot.

Know who’s really good at seizing the day?

Epileptics.

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

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There is a fly.... (medium)

Hovering near the surface of a mountain lake. Over on the shore sits a frog. The frog says “If the fly drops four inches, I can eat him.”

Just below the surface of the lake is a fish. The fish sees the frog and says “If the fly drops for inches, the frog can get the fly, and I can get the fro...

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What do you can it when two communists have sex?

Seizing the means of reproduction

What did my communist girlfriend say when she grabbed my balls?

I’m seizing your means of production.

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A noble goes hunting...

...with his servant. They haven't gotten far from house when noble realizes that ground is muddy and ruining his shoes.

He tells servant: "I'm going to wait here, run back to house and bring me my riding boots".

Servant, seizing the moment, runs into house and into noble's daughter's ...

Dude runs out of his house and rushes another dude walking....

He says, "My wife is an epileptic and she's seizing! Can you help?"
The other guy says, "Yes! Tell me what to do!"
They run into the house and to the bedroom and sure enough, the woman is in gran mal. The husband says, "Help me tie her down so she doesn't hurt herself!!"
They both proceed t...

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I figured out Trump is actually a communist

When he said "grab them by the pussy" that's the head of state seizing the means of production.

An old joke from about 100 years ago that's actually somewhat amusing

A Milwaukee man and his wife recently received a call from an old friend whom they had not seen for years. Just before the three sat down to a little supper in the German style, the wife, seizing a favorable opportunity, whispered to her husband:

"We have only three bottles of beer in the hou...

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Superman's day off

Superman has a very rare day off and decides to fly around to figure out how to spend it.

He flies over to Batman's place and approaches him. "Hey Batman, I have the day off want to hang out?". "Sorry Superman, I have to stop the Joker from killing my girlfriend". Superman replies, "Eh whatev...

Why was Marx bad at dating?

He only talked about seizing the means of production.

I see Trump as a modern Karl Marx

Have you heard him talk about seizing the means of reproduction?

A man and his wife just had an argument, and are very angry with each other.

The man is driving his wife to a family gathering when they suddenly see a herd of pigs crossing the road in front of them. Seizing the chance, the husband cheerily asks:

- "Hey, look! Are they some relatives of yours?

And his wife quickly replies,

- "Yeah, my parents-in-law!"

What's the difference between Karl Marx and Donald Trump?

Trump only advocates the seizing of a *woman's* means of production

It is 1538 and the Dissolution of Monasteries by King Henry VIII is in progress...

having broken away from the Catholic church, Henry had angered many adherents both domestic and abroad, and sought to shut down any institutions that swore their allegiance to the Catholic church before he had a revolt on his hands.

He attempted to completely squash all churches, monasteri...

Donald Trump wants to make Russia great again all along.....

We should have known, he kept talking about seizing the means of reproduction after all

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A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all having a drink

The Englishman and South African both drink from Pint Glasses, the Australian from a bottle.

The South African, upon draining his glass, drops in back down on the bar, pulls out a pistol, and shoots the glass.

"In South Africa, there is so much sand that I never drink from the same gla...

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