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Sacrifices Jokes

Sacrifice

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, 10 men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to decide which person would make the ultimate sacrifice until the ...

In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….

Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…

I read a novel about a cult that sacrifices books

It was a real page-burner

"I've made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I am today,"

said the Aztec high priest.

I went to see a stage performer that does live sacrifices of celebrities during his act

I gave him 5 stars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick & tired of hearing these Olympic athletes say how much work they've put in & the sacrifices they've made...

What do they want, a fucking medal?

My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.

She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.

Today my mentor told me if I want to achieve great things I'd have to make sacrifices.

Anyone know where to buy live chickens for cheap?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A marine comes back from vietnam after fighting for a year.

He is sent to the pentagon. The pentagon asks him: Do you want to get anything for your sacrifices?

The marine says: I want a dollar for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls.

The pentagos says: You sure you don't want something else?

The marine says: No sir.

On...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Abstaining

Three couples went to see a minister each wanting to become members of his church. The minister said they would all have to abstain from sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. He explained that their acceptance would be based on how willing they were to make small sacrifices ...

Jefferson, a disgraced yet incredibly successful basketball coach, is asked to return to help lead his team to victory.

On his first day back, he organizes a meeting between himself and Anthony, the coach that took over when he initially left. When Anthony arrives to his office, Jefferson is already there, holding a large oak box.

"What's in the box?" Anthony asks.

Jefferson opens the box to reveal a sn...

President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there...

I adopted a goat the other day, but my mom said I'd have to get rid of it...

I guess as long as I live with my parents, I'll have to make sacrifices.

4 blondes were hiking in a forest.

4 blondes were hiking in a forest when they were caught by the forest tribe.

All of them were brought before the chief. The chief looked at them and said “All of you will be sacrificed to appease our goddess who will then bless us with rain.”

The 4 blondes started crying loudly and ple...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After graduating from college, a woman comes home and confesses to her father, "After four years of college, I ain't a virgin anymore."

"I'm very disappointed in you," says the father. "Ever since you were just a little one, you were very bright. You got amazing grades in school, and you were actually the first member of our rural family to get accepted into college. To afford it, I had to get a second mortgage on the farm and sell ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man discovers he has been in a cult for the last year. OC

“How did you not know?” Asks his friend

“Well when everything happens bit by bit it all makes sense, the drugs, the robberies, the shrines.” He replies

“But what about the murder?” Asks the friend

“Well we were so high on acid that it just made sense, he was the King in Yellow t...

This Egyptian bird was giving me trouble...

...talking about life and death and the afterlife, threatening me and demanding sacrifices.

When I'd had enough I yelled: "Begone, Thoth!"

“I serve the Old Ones.” “Cthulhu and Alala?” “No, Ricoh and Canon.”

My dad was a copy machine tech and he was talking to a colleague (Bob) who had been working on this machine. Bob was trying to slide out this chip or RAM or something and cut his finger open on one of the sharp parts. My dad laughed and said “You know that model doesn’t work without the proper blood...

When my wife and I first got married she treated me like a god!

Gave me burnt sacrifices every night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wealthy marriage facing economical pressure

They have decided to start saving up money



"Well honey, as you can see, we're getting through serious money trouble, so we need to do sacrifices" the man told her "I was thinking that you might start to learn to do the laundry so we can fire the laundry man"



And her wif...

A man and his wife are driving around

When suddenly another car crasher right on the passenger's seat.
The man then rushes his wife to the hospital where she is taken to the operating room for surgery.

8 hours pass and the man has been waiting outside worried for his wife, when the door opens and the doctor comes out exausted...

A soldier, a pacifist and a band are on an airplane

Suddenly the plane starts falling from the sky.

The pilot shouts: "There's too much weight! Somebody has to jump!"

The soldier stands up and walks to the door: "It would be an honour to protect all of you."

He jumps.

The airplane keeps falling. Soon the pilot shouts again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This man’s body parts having a meeting to decide how to survive the pandemic.

Brain has the chair.

He starts: Ok Everyone. Things looking bleak: a deadly virus is going around, the master is sitting home all day and not getting enough sun or exercise, he lost his job and started drinking – so The hard times are ahead. We need to get together and think how we can survi...

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