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Tires Jokes

Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.

We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.


We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.

I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.

She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.

Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.

I heard on the news that there is a guy stealing tires from police cars.

I understand the police are working tirelessly to solve the crime.

The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar...

Its called inflation.

I just flew in from a Transformers convention.

And boy my arms are tires.

My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires

When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".

Do you know why they started charging people to fill their tires?

Inflation.

Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?"

Me: "On the way here, silly."

Told my boss he needs winter tires

Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.

Did you hear about the tires made out of old clothes?

If one blows, you just change attire

Why are rubber tires black?

So the police know what to shoot at during a chase

I got charged way more than I was quoted for a new set of tires!

They said it was due to inflation.

The mechanic asked me if I've ever rotated my tires.

How does he think I got here?

It’s just cost me 1 whole pound to put air in my tires

5 years ago it used to cost me 20p. Suppose that’s inflation for you

I still remember my childhood fondly, when my dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.

Those were the Good Years.

What do motivated tires say?

We move.

Stolen Tires

Where I live there was a man who stole tires off police cars. No one knew who he was or why he did it and it took a long time for the police to finally catch him.

It took months of working tirelessly to stop him.

Why does it cost $2.00 to put air in my tires?

Inflation.

What do you call a car with tires?

Tired.

"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"

\- Alissa (24 years old) panics, jumps up from bed, and runs into bathroom

\- Manuel (25) needs new tires for his car

\-Lara (27) now has *no* pony-tail

\- Ben (28) holds his covid-mask to his face in the bus

\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump

I'm sure everybody knows what brand of tires Van Gogh used.

Good Ear, of course.

Did you hear about the table made out of tires?

It probably took a good year or two to make it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I added some pressure to my tires today.

I leaned in close and whispered "You lose anymore air I'll fucking cut you myself"

a man has been stealing tires from the cops

I guess you could say the cops are tirelessly looking for him.

A Man Notices His Tires Look a Little Flat

He takes his car to a local gas station with an air pump for the tires. He looks at the price for five minutes of air, and it says "$1.50". He then realizes he left his wallet at home. When he comes back with his wallet, the sign for the air pump says "$20" for five minutes. Baffled, he goes inside ...

What kind of pants do tires wear...

...when they go hiking?

Cargo shorts!

....when they're in the pool?

A speedo

My 8 year old's work. I've never been so proud of her!!

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Parking Tickets

So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called...

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

I bought four new tires and my wife ran away.

Turned out 2020 is a Goodyear!

If you had a wooden car with a wooden engine and wooden tires

It woodent work

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