What is the best male contraceptive?

An empty wallet.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop.

She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would
be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
"Look," he said. "My regular customers do...

I just came out with a new male contraceptive device...

It's a rock you stick in your shoe and it makes you limp.

My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective.

I just use my personality.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I'm a firm believer of traditional wisdom. So I use the world's first and most effective contraceptive there is,

Being really fucking ugly.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why don't fortune tellers use contraceptives?

They have crystal balls and can see it coming.

They've just discovered that an aspirin tablet makes a great contraceptive...

Of course, the gal needs to hold it tightly between her knees.

Someone asked what contraceptive I use.

I said "I'm just really nice to women. "

In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive.

Just a handy tip.

The Welsh have been using sheep intestine as a contraceptive for hundreds of years.

It is only recently that they have decided to take the intestine out of the sheep.

I tried to visit the contraceptive museum

But they wouldn't let me come inside.

An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives

The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex...

called Predickamints.

What is the best contraceptive for old people?

Nudity

House republicans couldn't agree on contraceptive coverage...

... so they just pulled out instead.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said โ€œYou know you wannaโ€. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Use contraceptives kids.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Oral contraceptive

I recently had an experience with oral contraceptives. I asked a woman if she would like have sex with me. She said, "No".

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

It's a fair notion to suggest that I'm quite keen on oral contraceptives.

I asked a girl to have sex with my one night.

She said "No."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why did the contraceptive fly across the room?

It got pissed off.

.

(I'll get my coat...)

Did you know the Scottish invented condoms?

They would use the intestines of sheep as a contraceptive.
The English then refined the idea by taking the intestines out of the sheep first.

Two girls in a Catholic convent school.

One whispers to the other: "There's a contraceptive hidden behind the radiator!"

The other whispers back: "What's a radiator?"

The New Doctor

A 85 year old lady has to go to a new doctor, and he is reviewing her file and the list of medications she is on, and finds in the long list that she is on the contraceptive pill.
"Why are you on the pill at your age?" he asks
"Well it helps me to sleep at night" she replies
The doctor is s...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

[Dark] A man walks into a pharmacy...

After looking at the shelves for a bit the man turns to the pharmacist and asks: *"I'm looking for contraceptives for my 10 year old daughter. What would you recommend?"*

The pharmacist looks in shock *"Your daughter is 10? And she's sexually active?"*

The man chuckles at the notion *"...

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