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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

Y...

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards ?

Flashbacks

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Got an email from Google Earth proudly stating that they can read maps backwards.

I thought to myself, "That's just spam."

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

Doctor: "I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"

Me: "and"?

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An woman was taking a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped over, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Dave. "Dave! Dave!” she yelled. Dave came running in. "Dave, I've fuckin’ suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Holy shit!" he said and tried to pull her up."You're just too heavy girl. I'll go across the road and get Steve"

They came back and they both trie...

Why do scuba divers dive into the water backwards?

If they dive front they would end up in the boat.

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NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

When you listen to rock backwards you hear satanic messages, what do you get when you listen to country music backwards?

Your wife back, your life back, and your dog back.

Yodas name backwards spells adoy

Pretty obvious if you ask me

If you play a prize fight backwards

Is that an unboxing video?

A daredevil was dared to walk backwards on a tightrope.

You could say he wasn’t looking forward to it

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of boats?

Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be on the boat.

I heard that if you play Nickelback's music backwards, you'll hear messages from the devil

But even worse: if you play their music forwards, you'll hear Nickelback

Bought a vintage Energizer Bunny but accidentally put its batteries in backwards...

Now it keeps coming and coming and...

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

Helicopter backwards is retpocileH

Helicopter upside down is how Kobe died

Due to COVID I’ve been reading article after article forwards and backwards trying to make sense of it all.

And I have to say, I still don’t know what DIVOC is going on

‌‌I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord "‌‌nothing" i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome...

Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells "‌‌gnihton", w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.

I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

Eurt ton spelled backwards is false

No, I was joking, it’s not true

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

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Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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A dude sits in a pub, watching this guy guarding a stretch of floor.

Every so often somebody tries to cross it when he socks them in the face and sends them staggering backwards. The stretch he's guarding is so long that he has to leap backwards and forwards along it, building up a sweat.

Perplexed, the dude watches while this happens six times, and in the end...

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

If you watch Wall-E backwards

it's about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

Remember to wear your “New Year Glasses” backwards this year.

Hindsight is 2020.

WOW is an interesting word. WOW spelled backwards is still wow. And WOW upside down is MOM. And MOM upside down is Dad's favorite thing.

No, I'm sorry, that joke was cheap and easy, and so's my mom, and that's why I'm here. No, seriously, I love my mom... And you can, too, for twelve dollars.

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If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

Found this on YouTube a few years ago

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest b...

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

Racecar backwards is racecar...

but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

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He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth...in and out...in and out.

It was going on 20 minutes at this point.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:

"OK, OK! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug...

Has anyone else noticed that “strap on”

Is “No parts” backwards. How ironic

If you spell Breaking Bad backwards, you will get "Dab Gnikaerb"

Which still makes more sense than Game of thrones\` entire season 8

A friend started telling me about his new found interest in backwards origami...

I'll let you know how it all unfolds.

Did you know if you visit musicians graves, you can hear their music backwards?

It's because they're decomposing.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

Did you know that if you try and say onomatopoeia backwards...

You'll likely waste several seconds of your life!

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827."

Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the prev...

The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous,

But backwards it’s even more stupid.

Can you say the word ‘say’ backwards?

Yas, yas I can!

It was closing time at the bar

It was closing time at the bar and across the street sat a police officer in his cruiser hoping to pick up someone for a DUI. As people were starting to leave the officer saw one man absolutely hammered with his car keys in hand stumbling towards his vehicle, as everyone got in their cars and were l...

Marriage

**Before Marriage**

Boy: Ah, finally, I've waited so long.

Girl: You want me to leave?

Boy: No. I dare to not even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of course. Lots!

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: No! Why are you asking me?

Gi...

If someone wants to say the word "motel" backwards

Just letom.

What do you get when you spell ‘Man’ backwards?

Flashbacks.

I’m so, so sorry. The daddest joke I’ve heard from my dad.

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Why do Jews watch porn backwards?

Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.

Did you hear about the time Matthew McConaughey drove backwards on a NASCAR track?

All right, all right, all right

My Dog kept running around backwards yesterday.

My God! You should have seen him!

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