This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

​

What do you get when you spell man backwards?

Flashbacks

Racecar backwards is racecar...

but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

If you watch it backwards, the movie titanic,

becomes about a magical boat that saves a bunch of drowning people.

I enjoy watching my wedding video backwards

My favorite part is when I take off the wedding ring and go back home moonwalking

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth...in and out...in and out. It was going on 20 minutes at this point...

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:

"OK, OK! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug bastard!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of boats?

Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the fucking boat.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Jewish men like to watch porn movies backwards?

Cause they like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

What happens if you play country music backwards?

You get you wife, house, and your dog back.

What do you call several rabbits in a line walking backwards?

A receding hare-line

Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc".

Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam

If someone asks you to spell 'part' backwards, don't do it

It's a trap

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...

“That’s just spam.”

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Based on an urban myth: Two guys were smoking weed one late evening

Not being in the best state for great decisions, they figured they wanted to go for a ride to pick up some food. However, as they came to the first roundabout one guy said, let's go for an extra round. Sure, said the other and off they went.

"You know what would be even better?"

"Wh...

Doctor: It appears that your DNA is backwards

Patient: And?

My dyslexia is a little unique. I often end up reading words backwards, without realising, and it annoys the hell out of people. I sit by my bed and pray every single night for it to go away, "maybe he'll fix it", I thought...

After all, God is a man's best friend.

Did you know that "sdrawrof dna sdrawkcab emas eht" backwards is

the same backwards and forwards

Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?

Simon replies: “No Mis”

Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan.

Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.

If you watch a movie with Jackie Chan backwards...

You will get a documentary about a Chinese guy who assembles furniture with his feet.

Before you say Tesla backwards

Make sure everything is alset.

Suddenly I hear classical music coming from a grave, sounds like its being played backwards?

“Oh, that’s just Beethoven decomposing”.

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

If someone wants to say the word "motel" backwards

Just letom.

Sometimes i like to tuck my knees under my arms and lean backwards

Cuz thats just how i roll

Which cheese is made backwards?

Edam is, naturally enough!

​

(shoot him Kurt)

What do you get if you watch Jaws backwards?

You get a movie about a shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach

Today i learned

TIL that dyslexia is the same forward and backwards

Didi you hear about what happened to the woman who walked backwards into a propeller?

Disaster...

I know this guy who told me he ages backwards.

I don't know though, he was always kidding.

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . .

. . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.

He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Just watched my wedding video backwards

Loved the part where my bride to be moonwalked out of the church, got into a car and fucked off out of my life

My Sikh friend was walking backwards

I guess he was reversingh.

It's quite ironic that "strap on"…

…backwards, spells 'no parts'…

What happens when you play a country music record backwards?

Your wife comes home, your truck starts, and your boots fit.

Did you hear about the guy who put his condom on backwards?

He went.

Why do scubadivers roll backwards out of the boat?

If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

Credit to my girlfriend and boyfriend. They the real heroes.

"Tony, can you spell your name backwards?"

Tony: sure... y not

They are always backwards

Why are time travel jokes bad?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the pet store owner feed his snakes viagra when they were stuck crawling backwards?

He thought they were suffering from a reptile dysfunction.

If you watch Godzilla backwards

it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

A Driver gets Pulled Over

A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.

Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."

Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."
...

Why do Canadians say the alphabet backwards?

They always have to end with A.

If you watch it backwards. . .

The Shawshank Redemption is about two mexican fishermen who are such great friends that when one of them is sent to prison in Maine, the other one crawls through five hundred yards of foulness you can't even imagine to be with him.

If you watch 127 Hours backwards

It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.

A little boy who sat next to a man on the bus, noticed the man had his collar on backwards.

The boy interrupted the man who was reading
a book and asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "*I am a Father*"

Confused, the boy frained, "*My daddy never wears his collar like that*".
The priest looked up his book and answered, "*I
am the Father...

I played my wedding video backwards today.

It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

If you watch Cinderella backwards...

it's the triumphant tale of a woman learning her place in the world. Happy International Women's day!

"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"

A punchline walks into a bar.