UPJOKE
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I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

Did you know that 'Muffins' spelt backwards...

...is what you do, when you take them out of the oven ?

This one time a cop pulled me over and asked me to say the alphabet backwards...

...so I said "tebahpla eht" and I spent the whole night in jail.

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

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What's the worst part of a naked bartender walking backwards?

His cocktail.

If you watch a Jackie Chan movie backwards...

You will get a documentary about a Chinese guy who assembles furniture with his feet.

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

What happens if you play a country song backwards?

You get your girl back. You get your truck back. You get your dog back

If somebody wants to say the word “motel“ backwards

just letom.

Did you hear about the woman who walked backwards into a desk fan?

Disassed 'er!

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards..

And i asked Y not...?

What is 'oob' backwards?

The answer might surprise you!

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If you watch 1970's porn backwards..

It's about a hairy man who hoovers cum off a women, then breaks her washing machine and leaves...

What happens if you put the Energizer bunny's batteries backwards?

He keeps on coming, and coming, and coming...

What do you call a hundred rabbits hopping backwards in a queue?

A receding hairline

Why dont cows run backwards?

They prefer to woc

Doctor: I think your DNA is backwards.

ME: …and?

Did you know google maps can work backwards?

But it always gets caught in the spam filter!

The United States is a backwards country..

Women had the right to bear arms before they had the right to bare legs!

Forward, it’s heavy. Backwards, it’s not. What is it?

A ton

Life tip: watch the movie "Jaws" backwards.

It is a heartwarming story about a giant white shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

Dad joke: What's a hallmark movie played backwards?

A country song. :D

‌‌I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord “‌‌nothing” i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome...

Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells “‌‌gnihton”, w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician.

Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

A man put a condom on backwards.

He went.

Racecar backwards is just racecar.

But racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

I was going to say the word “door” backwards

but thought it might be rude.

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

Coffee spelt backwards is 'eeffoc'....

And until I have had my coffee, I don't give 'eeffoc'.

Went to the doctor and they tested my DNA. He told me that my DNA is backwards!

I said, “AND?”

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music comin...

Mr. Smith worked as an account manager for a company for over 30 years.

He never missed a day's work and you could set your watch to his arrival time. 9:00am without fail. Then one day he enters the office at 9:45 all disheveled with a black eye, bloody lip, and torn jacket clutching papers and a broken briefcase. His boss was visibly shaken and asked him what happen...

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

that's just spam.

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If you say "fuck off" backwards...

You still say fuck off but with an Irish accent.

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan.

Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.

"apparently your name spelt backwards is how you'll die"

**Lana:** oh no

They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part

...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.

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An woman was taking a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped over, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Dave. "Dave! Dave!” she yelled. Dave came running in. "Dave, I've fuckin’ suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Holy shit!" he said and tried to pull her up."You're just too heavy girl. I'll go across the road and get Steve"

They came back and they both trie...

The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous

But backwards it’s even more stupid.

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If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.

I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

Due to COVID I’ve been reading article after article forwards and backwards trying to make sense of it all.

And I have to say, I still don’t know what DIVOC is going on

You have to read them backwards to get them.

What's the problem with time travel jokes?

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NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

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Why do Jews watch porn backwards?

Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.

A hunter shot a lion and wanted its head mounted. Unfortunately, the taxidermist got it backwards.

It was a real cat-ass-trophy

How does a Swan eat backwards?

It nawS.

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He had a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again......back and forth....in and out.......She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the end…

...her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,

"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug fucking asshole!!!"

I'd like to get the rights to show Miami Vice backwards

I'd call it Miami Vice Versa

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How do morticians practice driving backwards?

They rehearse.

If you watch Wall-E backwards

it's about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people

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Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

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My smart-ass friend just told me how to spell lotion backwards

He’s such a noitol.

My barber is an idiot

he always puts my cape on backwards

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

Enola Holmes : my mother named me Enola because its Alone spelt backwards and she loves being alone

Lana : I don't like where this is going!!

5 yo: Can you count backwards from infinity?

Me: Of course I can but it will take forever.

Yodas name backwards spells adoy

Pretty obvious if you ask me

Helicopter backwards is retpocileH

Helicopter upside down is how Kobe died

The other day I put the condom on backwards

Instead of coming I left.

A man is standing backwards on an escalator

“Ahh this takes me back” he says to himself

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