UPJOKE
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I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

If your friend wants to say the word "motel" backwards,

letom.

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What's the worst part of a naked bartender walking backwards?

His cocktail.

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If you watch 1970's porn backwards..

It's about a hairy man who hoovers cum off a women, then breaks her washing machine and leaves...

Why do scuba divers always fall out of the boat backwards?

Cause if they went forwards they'd just fall in the boat.

If you watch a Jackie Chan movie backwards...

You will get a documentary about a Chinese guy who assembles furniture with his feet.

Did you know that 'Muffins' spelt backwards...

...is what you do, when you take them out of the oven ?

This one time a cop pulled me over and asked me to say the alphabet backwards...

...so I said "tebahpla eht" and I spent the whole night in jail.

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Before you say "Tesla" backwards, make sure everyone's ready.

All set?

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

Voting is a lot like driving

To go backwards, choose “R”.

To go forward, choose “D”.

What happens if you play a country song backwards?

You get your girl back. You get your truck back. You get your dog back

A guy with no arms……. (Long)

A guy who was born with no arms goes to the doctor one day and the doc says, ‘I have bad news, you are terminally ill and you only have one month left to live.”

The man was a absolutely despondent - but as he walked out of his doctors office, he looked up at the monastery atop the hill near t...

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

Did you hear about the woman who walked backwards into a desk fan?

Disassed 'er!

My friend asked if it would be crazy to say the word “stun” backwards.

I told them it’s nuts.

Life tip: watch the movie "Jaws" backwards.

It is a heartwarming story about a giant white shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

What is 'oob' backwards?

The answer might surprise you!

Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician.

Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.

What do you call a hundred rabbits hopping backwards in a queue?

A receding hairline

What happens if you put the Energizer bunny's batteries backwards?

He keeps on coming, and coming, and coming...

Did you know google maps can work backwards?

But it always gets caught in the spam filter!

A Backwards joke!

What’s funnier than a forward joke?

Dad joke: What's a hallmark movie played backwards?

A country song. :D

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

that's just spam.

Racecar backwards is just racecar.

But racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

The United States is a backwards country..

Women had the right to bear arms before they had the right to bare legs!

Coffee spelt backwards is 'eeffoc'....

And until I have had my coffee, I don't give 'eeffoc'.

Went to the doctor and they tested my DNA. He told me that my DNA is backwards!

I said, “AND?”

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If you say "fuck off" backwards...

You still say fuck off but with an Irish accent.

I was going to say the word “door” backwards

but thought it might be rude.

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

A man put a condom on backwards.

He went.

Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan.

Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear Nickelback.

A cop stops a car that is driving backwards.

"Why are you driving backwards?" he asks. "I think at the end of the road there is no space to turn." answers the driver. OK, there he continues his way.

A while later the same car is back, but still he goes backwards. Being stopped again by the cop the driver says "sorry, I was wrong, there ...

"apparently your name spelt backwards is how you'll die"

**Lana:** oh no

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If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

‌‌I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord “‌‌nothing” i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome...

Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells “‌‌gnihton”, w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

A circus is holding auditions and a 91 year old man shows up. "What do you do?" asks the ringmaster.

"I bend over backwards," says the man, "and pick up a handkerchief off the floor with my teeth."

"Wow," says the ringmaster, impressed that this elderly man is agile enough to do this. "Then what do you do?" he asks.

"Then I bend over again," says the man, "and pick up my teeth."

I'm planning to name my son Driew...

It's only weird if you say it backwards

They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part

...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.

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An woman was taking a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped over, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Dave. "Dave! Dave!” she yelled. Dave came running in. "Dave, I've fuckin’ suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Holy shit!" he said and tried to pull her up."You're just too heavy girl. I'll go across the road and get Steve"

They came back and they both trie...

I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.

I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

You have to read them backwards to get them.

What's the problem with time travel jokes?

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NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music comin...

Due to COVID I’ve been reading article after article forwards and backwards trying to make sense of it all.

And I have to say, I still don’t know what DIVOC is going on

Engineer and an Academic on a plane

An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms...

I'd like to get the rights to show Miami Vice backwards

I'd call it Miami Vice Versa

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Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

A hunter shot a lion and wanted its head mounted. Unfortunately, the taxidermist got it backwards.

It was a real cat-ass-trophy

5 yo: Can you count backwards from infinity?

Me: Of course I can but it will take forever.

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Why do Jews watch porn backwards?

Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.

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He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth...in and out...in and out.

It was going on 20 minutes at this point.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:

"OK, OK! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug...

How does a Swan eat backwards?

It nawS.

If you watch Wall-E backwards

it's about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people

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How do morticians practice driving backwards?

They rehearse.

The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous

But backwards it’s even more stupid.

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My smart-ass friend just told me how to spell lotion backwards

He’s such a noitol.

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

Helicopter backwards is retpocileH

Helicopter upside down is how Kobe died

If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions.

That is all.

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