Forward, it’s heavy. Backwards, it’s not. What is it?

A ton

What kind of car is the same frontward and backward?

A Toyota.




First post ever on Reddit. I hope I did it right.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

What cheese is made backwards?

Edam…

My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards..

And i asked Y not...?

My doctor says my DNA is backwards

I responded AND?

If you watch Jaws backwards....

It's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people .

I was going to say the word “door” backwards

but thought it might be rude.

TIL why scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat.

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

Please don't ban me.

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

If you say AT&T backwards

You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.

5 yo: Can you count backwards from infinity?

Me: Of course I can but it will take forever.

When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing.

They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part

...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.

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If you watch 1970's porn backwards..

It's about a hairy man who hoovers cum off a women, then breaks her washing machine and leaves...

Racecar backwards is just racecar.

But racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

When you listen to rock backwards you hear satanic messages, what do you get when you listen to country music backwards?

Your wife back, your life back, and your dog back.

"apparently your name spelt backwards is how you'll die"

**Lana:** oh no

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If you say "fuck off" backwards...

You still say fuck off but with an Irish accent.

if you were sandwiched between your parents, and you were an inch deep in your mom, and your dad was an inch deep in you, would you move forward or backward to get out?

interviewer: we meant questions about the job

How does a Swan eat backwards?

It nawS.

I'd like to get the rights to show Miami Vice backwards

I'd call it Miami Vice Versa

I got a mail saying that I won 1 million dollars because I could read Maps backwards

I thought to myself, "Thats just Spam"

You have to read them backwards to get them.

What's the problem with time travel jokes?

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A policeman stops a truck driver who is driving backwards on a narrow mountain pass.

When asked what this is all about, the truck driver replies: "I have a load for a village at the top of the mountain. My boss says it's so narrow there that I can't turn around". The policeman lets the truck driver go ahead.
Later, the policeman sees the truck driver reversing on the road again...

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How do morticians practice driving backwards?

They rehearse.

A hunter shot a lion and wanted its head mounted. Unfortunately, the taxidermist got it backwards.

It was a real cat-ass-trophy

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

Y...

Learnt an interesting fact today..... If you spell "Absolutely Nothing" backwards, you get "Gnihton Yletulosba" which actually means.........

........... Absolutely Nothing!!

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NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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He had a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again......back and forth....in and out.......She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the end…

...her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,

"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug fucking asshole!!!"

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My smart-ass friend just told me how to spell lotion backwards

He’s such a noitol.

The other day I put the condom on backwards

Instead of coming I left.

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Three men find a lamp...

Three middle aged men are walking along an abandoned beach when they find a golden lamp glistening in the sun. Deciding they have nothing to lose, they decide to rub it and see what happens. In astonishment, they see a genie appear before them.

"Thank you for freeing me from my lamp. To thank...

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If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

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An woman was taking a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped over, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Dave. "Dave! Dave!” she yelled. Dave came running in. "Dave, I've fuckin’ suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Holy shit!" he said and tried to pull her up."You're just too heavy girl. I'll go across the road and get Steve"

They came back and they both trie...

You know how you feel when you're leaning back in a chair and you almost fall over backwards but at the last instant you catch yourself?

I feel like that all the time.

*Credit Steven Wright*

Irate woman to bus driver as she enters. 'what bus is this' driver 'its number 15 just like it says on the front'. irate woman 'but on the front it says 15, on the side 15a, and on the back 155' . Bus driver

'well I'm not driving backwards or sideways am i?'

Helicopter backwards is retpocileH

Helicopter upside down is how Kobe died

I bet you can't spell *part* backwards.

I knew you could really. It's just a trap.

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Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

Enola Holmes : my mother named me Enola because its Alone spelt backwards and she loves being alone

Lana : I don't like where this is going!!

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Job advertisement

A company was searching for someone to pack items. The only requirement for the job was to be able to count to ten.

The first applicant comes in and is asked to count to ten.

>10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

Well, that's backwards. Can you also do it in the correct ord...

What happens when you put the energizer bunnies batteries in backwards?

He keeps coming and coming and coming

If you watch Wall-E backwards

it's about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people

Yodas name backwards spells adoy

Pretty obvious if you ask me

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

Due to COVID I’ve been reading article after article forwards and backwards trying to make sense of it all.

And I have to say, I still don’t know what DIVOC is going on

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A pair of aliens land in the desert near an old abandoned gas station.

Seeing nothing else around, they assume the gas pumps are the dominant life form and approach one to ask it questions. When the pump fails to respond, the aliens begin to grow frustrated, and one pulls out his weapon and threatens the pump.

"Respond now, or I shall blast you into atoms!"
<...

I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.

I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering

Wayne was returning home from a business trip,

bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.
Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."

Startled, Wayne took a step backward....

Coffee spelled backward

Did you know that coffee spelled backward is Eeffoc, and I don’t give EEFFOC until I’ve had my first cup!

If someone wants to say the word "motel" backwards

Just letom.

If you play a prize fight backwards

Is that an unboxing video?

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Why do Jews watch porn backwards?

Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

A daredevil was dared to walk backwards on a tightrope.

You could say he wasn’t looking forward to it

‌‌I j‌‌ust d‌‌iscovered t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord "‌‌nothing" i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome...

Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells "‌‌gnihton", w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

A joke I found on the comments section of a youtube video.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to...

WOW is an interesting word. WOW spelled backwards is still wow. And WOW upside down is MOM. And MOM upside down is Dad's favorite thing.

No, I'm sorry, that joke was cheap and easy, and so's my mom, and that's why I'm here. No, seriously, I love my mom... And you can, too, for twelve dollars.

The CEOs of Miller, Budweiser, Cours, and Guinness walk into a bar

The CEO of Miller says to the bartender, "I want the best beer you have, a Miller Lite."

"Oh no," says the Budweiser CEO. "Your head is on backwards. Me, I'll have the king of beers, a Budweiser."

"I'll have the only beer brewed with Rocky Mountain spring water," chimes in the Coors C...

Remember to wear your “New Year Glasses” backwards this year.

Hindsight is 2020.

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Out of curiosity, I measured my cock and got 8 inches.

I felt fine until I realized I had the ruler turned backwards.

If you spell Breaking Bad backwards, you will get "Dab Gnikaerb"

Which still makes more sense than Game of thrones\` entire season 8

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