UPJOKE
issueunleashdischargeloosebring outparoleturnfreegiveannouncementannouncedreturnpublishdeparturedismissal

Releasing Jokes

Netflix is soon releasing an extremely realistic documentary series about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale is shot before a live audience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chris Brown is releasing a new album

It's called "My Greatest hits", There is some hard hits feat. Rihanna, Usher and a lot of unconfirmed "Artists".

Tesla is releasing a new cologne

…it’s called Elon’s Musk

Inspired by Obama, Trump will soon be releasing his favorite books of 2022

along with the crayons that go with them.

the Beastie Boys are finally releasing a four-part Anthology collection.

Parts A through C will be free. However you have to fight for your right to Part D

How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?

They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.

Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife.

It's cutting edge technology.

Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.

Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes "Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ..."
"Oh no' Edna ...

Nintendo are releasing a Finnegan’s Wake game

You need a special Joyce stick to play it

Apple in the Middle East is releasing a shelf.

They're calling it the iRaq.

iRan to buy it the day it was released.

But it was sold out... O-Man!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

Apple announced that they are releasing a Covid vaccine

It will come in two doses, they'll call it the Steve Jabs

Apple is planning on releasing a car

it will have Windows .

Have you guys heard Radiohead is releasing a Valentine's Day album?

It's called OK Cupid.

EA is releasing a new Mario game!

it’s called Pay-Per-Mario.

Fortnite are releasing a marvel themed battle pack.

Can’t wait to get my hands on that Thor-skin.

The Detroit Lions announced that they’re releasing their running back, Kerryon Johnson.

Needless to say, he will not Kerryon with the team.

Microsoft is releasing a a reverse Outlook soon

So we should all be on Lookout

Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album?

It's called Al Gore Rhythms

I'm releasing a new line of sleep aids featuring melatonin-infused almonds, cashews, and pistachios.

They're called Doze Nuts.

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

In 2020 Ford is re-releasing the Bronco

There will be a special edition OJ trim level:

Standard White paint with dark tinted windows, governed to 30 mph, extended range gas tank, and has an undersized glove box.

Have you heard that PlayStation are releasing a console for cats?

It's called the PSpspspspspsps

Nintendo is releasing a micro transaction mobile platformer

Pay Per Mario

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tampax are releasing a tampon with tinsel attached to it....

It's for the Christmas period

Pete Townshend and Keith Moon were arrested last night after releasing 1000 pugs from a cosmetic company’s testing facility.

The Who let the dogs out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit is releasing its own brand of olive oil in honor of its users

It only comes in extra virgin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A quick stress releasing scenario.

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "The World." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. Th...

Chipotle is releasing a new "Ravens" burrito.

It comes with everything but rice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

The Pentagon just released a program releasing all the favorite music of the Vice Presidents ever.

They call it the Al Gore Rhythm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apple is releasing a new Virtual-reality headset specifically for VR porn.

They are calling it:The iFap

Rick Astley's releasing a new song lamenting the 'Brexit' result...

It's titled:

Never Gonna Give EU Up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The japanese company Subaru is releasing an electric remodel of the Subaru Legacy

it's called Legacy 2 electric subaru

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

McDonalds is releasing a new Japanese fish sandwich.

It will be called The Real Mc Koi.

I'm planning on releasing a fragrance based off of suffering.

I'm planning on releasing a fragrance based off of suffering.

I'm going to call it "Eau de Humanity"

This year I'm releasing a Christmas record called Duvet Know it's Christmas?

It's a cover version.

The Trump administration is criticizing the media for releasing a video of the president hanging himself.

It was, of course, fake noose.

I'd love to make a joke about Valve releasing a new game when hell freezes over...

But then again, hell actually might freeze over.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.