Condom expiration dates are so misleading

I get sick regardless of when I eat them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does raw meat past the expiration date and pussy have in common?

If it passes the smell test, it’s okay to eat

[Original] Some food has been in my house for so long that even the freezer could not save it from expiration.

I keep putting off throwing the items away, which is only delaying the inedible.

Why do we say food has an expiration date?

Really, we should be saying it’s shelf conscious.

I used to get angry every time I see someone say “Trump 2020”.

If only I knew it was an expiration date.

I saw the expiration date on my condoms

They say it takes thousands of years for latex to degrade, but apparently it's been longer than that since I've gotten laid

I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date...

...and ended up with a nasty bout of samoanella.

***SPOILER ALERT***

Check your milk's expiration date.

An older couple are working together in their home office and the old man figures out that he needs a specific business document out of the office safe...

As he’s looking through numerous documents, he comes across their marriage license. Instantly, he is overcome with frustration when he realizes a missing detail.

“This is terrible! There’s no expiration date on our marriage license!”

The wife turns around from her work and reaches aro...

Husband: "What are you doing?"

Wife: "Nothing."

Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date

Husband: it’s not there I checked the day after the wedding

A man carefully looking through his marriage certificate

His wife asked: What are you looking for?

Man answered: Searched through this for 3 hours and found no GODDAMN Expiration date!!!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a White Russian.

"This tastes a little funny," the guy complains. "Has your dairy gone off?" The irritated bartender grabs the carton of milk and checks the expiration date stamped on the side. "It says here that it doesn't expire until this coming Friday," the bartender says. "That means my milk has a date for Vale...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

O.C. A coupon has an existential crisis...

A coupon has an existential crisis. He's been sitting in the utility drawer when he notices his expiration date is in a few days.Feeling useless, he walks out of the house and down the road until he comes upon a synagogue. In front of the synagogue is a Rabbi. The Rabbi asks: "Little Coupon! How ma...

After four years I finally had to buy condoms again.

Stupid expiration dates.

(Translated from my mother tongue) What does a man do when he wants to end a marriage passively?

He tries finding the expiration date on the marriage cirtifficate

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