Rejected Jokes - 56 Hilarious Rejected Jokes

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When I was in law school, I was rejected by all fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

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My patent for a gold-plated butt plug got rejected

Apparently Apple has cornered the market on expensive toys for assholes.

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I got rejected from my job interview for coming 30 minutes early

The porn industry can go fu*k themselves for all i care

What was Iron Man's rejected hero name?

Fe Male

A wife said, "Do you see that drunk guy?". The husbands said, "Yes. Who is he?". The wife said, "He proposed to me 10 years ago and I rejected him." The husband said...

"Oh my God! He's still celebrating."

I tried to join this walking group, but was rejected because they said I didn't walk "the right way."

Man, I hate gait-keepers.

Why was Anakin Skywalker rejected for a credit card?

Because he applied for a MasterCard.

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what were the three rejected names for condoms

The jizz mittens,cum kuisi,and the kidnappers

I keep getting rejected.

First my parents

Then my girlfriend

And now my blood.

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

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A woman submitted a speedrun for “Fastest Female Orgasm”

It was rejected though, turned out to be a TAS

My work colleague rejected me today.

She said we were better office friends.

My paper got rejected because it didn’t have any pictures.

Figures...

I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.

They asked if I was positive.

I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"

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Rejected porn titles. ( You can do this in the comments too. )

The grim deeper

Hole-y enlightenment

Sesame street after dark

Johnny johnny needs his sugar and milk

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

What do your friends say when you get rejected by your sister from Alabama?

Damn bro you got chromo-zoned.

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

Big bird's flock rejected him because of how tall he was...

He was ostrich-sized.

An attractive co-worker that I’ve been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.

One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.

Apple just came out with a new WatchOS update, but I rejected it.

Not on my watch.

why did the bee get rejected?

because he couldn't beehive.

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People are always making jokes about hitler getting rejected from art school.

But if I was in that one guys shoes I would have rejected him too. The guy massacred 6 million Jews!

Guys you don’t need to be attractive to never get rejected

Just be ugly enough that no girl wants to talk to you, it’s worked out for me..... so..... yay..

A man committed suicide after being rejected at a singing competition...

He just couldn't face the music.

What do menstruation and guys whining about being rejected have in common?

I don’t care about either

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King...

She didn't meat the requirements.

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A young lady hands in an application form...but she gets rejected the first time.

A young lady hands in her application form. She wrote "Prostitute" where she had to state her occupation. The other lady at the counter quickly assesses it, and says that unfortunately, a prostitute is not eligible.

"Ok" says the frustrated young brunette, "how about I put down cock farmer?"<...

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I was having a bad case of diarrhoea so I called in sick to work. However, my plea was rejected

Apparently having a lot of shit to deal with isn't a valid excuse.

Did you hear about the New Ager who rejected anesthetic when he had a cavity filled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

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A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!

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If you've ever been rejected by someone who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex,

One might say you were chaste away.

After almost thirty years of working hard in school, applying myself at college, and training and serving in the Air Force my application to become an Astronaut was rejected.

Turns out my mom was right, if I apply myself the sky's the limit.

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An escort goes to the hospital

She is a few hours away from getting a heart transplant and quite nervous.

She asks the surgeon, “Doctor, what if my body rejects it?”
The surgeon replies, “Well, you’re in good health apart from your heart. What do you do for a living?”
She shyly admits, “Um, actually I’ve b...

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

My submission for a new drug name was rejected by big pharma. I don't know why.

'Dyquickr' is a perfectly good name for a cholesterol lowering medication.

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What did Hitler say when he got rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts?

Mein Crafts!

Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...

During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for.

If I had $1 for every time a girl has rejected me...

I wouldn't be single anymore

A son, who had rejected his father's wish for him to follow in his footsteps as an ornithologist and left home as a young man, returns many years later. After dinner, the two go for a walk.

The son sees a large bird flying overhead. Out of a sincere desire to reconnect, he points it out, and says, "Father, is that a hawk?"

Understanding the gesture, the father does not want to correct his son by informing him that it is actually a vulture. Instead, he offers a hint.

"Ca...

Getting rejected by women? Try my new question: "If I were to ask you out, would you say no?"

Sometimes it just feels good to get a "Yes".

I used to get rejected about 50% of the time, but then I finally found the one and got married.

Now it's more like 90%

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A new stipulation which would have allowed medical marijuana to be prescribed for constipation was rejected in Congress today...

The Congressman’s closing remarks were “shit or get off the pot”

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Superman vs the invisible man

Superman is super horny, in need of a ride he phones super girl and asks if he can come round for some sex.

She turns him down and says she’s busy.

Superman sad and rejected decides to go for a flight and passes super girls apartment.

Super girl is lying in bed legs spread moan...

Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed

A threesome with my wife.

I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised.

I guess I just didn't make the cut.

An old man and his son loved to do the gardening together.

There was an old man who loved doing the gardening with his son, every week they would get together and do the gardening.

One day the dad is diagnosed with lung cancer, not got long left to live. So the son decides that to raise money to pay for treatment he starts to sell drugs. Weed meth co...

Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day

your body rejected the transplant and you died.

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

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[NSFW] A businessman goes to Las Vegas (long)...

And he gambles away the shirt off his back. All he has left is the second part of plane ticket. So he goes to a taxi and asks him if he can take him to the airport. He offers his credit card number, phone number, everything, but the Taxi driver said that if he doesn't have $15, he should the hell ou...

I decided to travel to the US.

At the Embassy for the visa interview...

Officer : Where to in the US?

Me : San Jose

Officer : It's pronounced as San Hosay. J is pronounced as H in the US.

Me : Oh, okay!

Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.<...

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Two neighbours go to the doctors checkup for the obligatory militairy service

They both hoped to be rejected, but are perfectly fine man. As he was about to enter the room, one neighbour said to the other: wait me out, I'm gonna be rejected.

So 10 minutes later the guy came out and guess what. Rejected.

"Rejected? For what?"

"I just shoved 100 bucks up ...

A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army.

Neither of the 3 are very happy about it and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam. As They are waiting in line at the doctors office their desperation builds up untill right before it's the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox: "Fox I might h...

I don't carry a donor card

I find it depressing enough the amount of women who've rejected my organ whilst I'm alive

An oceanarium took out an insurance policy on their trained seals.

One day one of their seals got injured and needed treatment. However, the insurance company rejected their claim.
The reason was: "Warranty void if seal is broken."

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