An attractive co-worker that I’ve been working with for 3 years confessed to me today, but I rejected her.

One way to spot a woman with low standards is when they start liking me.

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Why did Reddit get rejected for trying to buy an island?

Because there’s already a place called “The Virgin Islands.”

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

What did the beaver say when his crush rejected him?

Dam.

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When I was in college, I was rejected from every fraternity because I was circumcised.

Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

Got rejected by long term girlfriend,after I took her to dinner at a fancy restaurant,mustered up the courage,got down on my knee and finally proposed

A threesome with my wife.

I applied to join an LGBT comedy group, but I got rejected.

I guess their routine doesn't need a Straight-Man after all.

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I was having a bad case of diarrhoea so I called in sick to work. However, my plea was rejected

Apparently having a lot of shit to deal with isn't a valid excuse.

My paper got rejected because it didn’t have any pictures.

Figures...

A young lady, destitute and rejected by her lover, heads to the Manhattan docks to drown herself.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
...

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

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I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.

I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day

Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.

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The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible...

I'm sad as a coconut.



Due to popular demand, **EDIT**: metaphors*... Freakin' grammar nazis... On a second thought, maybe grammar also played a role in my rejection, who knows...

A boy asked a girl to be his girlfriend, but he got rejected because he was always too busy practicing his music.

It’s ok, some people are just meant to be soloists.

Did you hear about the New Ager who rejected anesthetic when he had a cavity filled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A famous musician came into our store today and complained that it was too hot and asked if I could cool him down but I politely rejected him

I told him I wasn't a fan

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

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I got rejected from my job interview for coming 30 minutes early

The porn industry can go fu*k themselves for all i care

A wife said, "Do you see that drunk guy?". The husbands said, "Yes. Who is he?". The wife said, "He proposed to me 10 years ago and I rejected him." The husband said...

"Oh my God! He's still celebrating."

After almost thirty years of working hard in school, applying myself at college, and training and serving in the Air Force my application to become an Astronaut was rejected.

Turns out my mom was right, if I apply myself the sky's the limit.

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A young lady hands in an application form...but she gets rejected the first time.

A young lady hands in her application form. She wrote "Prostitute" where she had to state her occupation. The other lady at the counter quickly assesses it, and says that unfortunately, a prostitute is not eligible.

"Ok" says the frustrated young brunette, "how about I put down cock farmer?"<...

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King...

She didn't meat the requirements.

Guys you don’t need to be attractive to never get rejected

Just be ugly enough that no girl wants to talk to you, it’s worked out for me..... so..... yay..

What u call a rejected Cardi B

Discardi B

My submission for a new drug name was rejected by big pharma. I don't know why.

'Dyquickr' is a perfectly good name for a cholesterol lowering medication.

Diesel Job (Fixed formatting issues)

My uncle Fred went to a job interview for a diesel fitter. He was asked about his previous experience and he said he stitched clothing for 20 years. The interviewer was not impressed as he did not believe the job skills would be transferable. Since the company continued to advertise for a diese...

I used to be Fat and rejected, but then I thought things had to change so I went to the gym every day for 6 months and I got fit. And now I am

Just Rejected!!!!

A man committed suicide after being rejected at a singing competition...

He just couldn't face the music.

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If you've ever been rejected by someone who wanted to wait until marriage to have sex,

One might say you were chaste away.

What do menstruation and guys whining about being rejected have in common?

I don’t care about either

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A new stipulation which would have allowed medical marijuana to be prescribed for constipation was rejected in Congress today...

The Congressman’s closing remarks were “shit or get off the pot”

I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.

They asked if I was positive.

I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"

Big bird's flock rejected him because of how tall he was...

He was ostrich-sized.

I keep getting rejected.

First my parents

Then my girlfriend

And now my blood.

Getting rejected by women? Try my new question: "If I were to ask you out, would you say no?"

Sometimes it just feels good to get a "Yes".

why did the bee get rejected?

because he couldn't beehive.

I used to get rejected about 50% of the time, but then I finally found the one and got married.

Now it's more like 90%

A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army.

Neither of the 3 are very happy about it and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam. As They are waiting in line at the doctors office their desperation builds up untill right before it's the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox: "Fox I might h...

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One day at the gym

a mobile laying on the locker room bench rings. A guy walking back from the showers taps the speakerphone button.

"Hello?" he answers, as he turns away to his locker.

"Hi, honey!" the voice chirps. "The realtor called. The seller rejected our offer and countered with double the li...

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What did Hitler say when he got rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts?

Mein Crafts!

If I had $1 for every time a girl has rejected me...

I wouldn't be single anymore

Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...

During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for.

Got rejected by my dentist during a check up.

My fillings were hurt.

You know what dating and applying for jobs have in common?

You get rejected...a lot

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An escort goes to the hospital

She is a few hours away from getting a heart transplant and quite nervous.

She asks the surgeon, “Doctor, what if my body rejects it?”
The surgeon replies, “Well, you’re in good health apart from your heart. What do you do for a living?”
She shyly admits, “Um, actually I’ve b...

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a smartly-dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".

The smartly-dressed man says "This is ...

I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised.

I guess I just didn't make the cut.

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A man had a penis size of 25 inches.

He wanted to reduce the size of his penis so he went to a saint to tell him about his problem. The saint told him that there is a big turtle on a beach, if he tells you "no" then your penis' size would decrease by 5 inches.

So that man found the turtle and asked him, "Will you marry me ?" The...

Two friends went for a job interview.......

The first friend goes in and the person interviewing him looks at his resume. Then he asks him a few questions and then asks "imagine you are traveling on a train and it is hot inside, what will you do?" The guy replies "I will open the window"

"Great!" says the interviewer and then asks " ...

Man i was so ugly as a kid

Even the priest rejected me

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Good jokes.

Q. What's the ultimate rejection?

A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
X------------------------X
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I...

Two men are hiking when suddenly their tent breaks

Two men, Paul and John, are hiking when suddenly their tent breaks. Unable to set it up for the incoming night until they can find a replacement, they decide they'll need to stay round someone's house who's willing to let the men in.

Paul and John go around knocking at houses and getting reje...

Sam was a man with big dreams who lived in a small countryside village

One day, sam decided to follow his dreams and went to the big city. "Now you gotta find a job, Sam" he said to himself, and went to search for one.

After being rejected from several job interviews, Sam returns defeated to his home, there, he decides not to give up. With some money from his pa...

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Two neighbours go to the doctors checkup for the obligatory militairy service

They both hoped to be rejected, but are perfectly fine man. As he was about to enter the room, one neighbour said to the other: wait me out, I'm gonna be rejected.

So 10 minutes later the guy came out and guess what. Rejected.

"Rejected? For what?"

"I just shoved 100 bucks up ...

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in pub...

Jimmy and his dad go to the beach

Jimmy has been trying to find a girlfriend but the girls rejected him

Jimmy: Dad, the girl's here don't like me what should I do?

Dad: Put a potato in youre pants that works wonders!

Jimmy comes back sad with tears in his eyes

Jimmy: Dad, I did as you told me and now the...

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Ryan Gosling went to live in Saudi Arabia for a year.

He and a local Saudi girl fell in love.

The girl would secretly sneak out of her house in the middle of the night without a male companion to hangout with Ryan. They would go to Ryan's place and make love for the whole night. Ryan would drop her back before the dawn. She would quietly sneak i...

I'm in love with the director of our local symphony...

...but she rejected my overtures.

One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

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